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Video: March 8 Alone. How Can I Survive This? - Relationships, Self-development
Do not compare: one who lives is not comparable.
Osip Mandelstam
March 8 is approaching, and you understand what will happen: flowers, gifts, congratulations - and all this is not for you, all for others. It is better not to go to social networks for a week, otherwise you cannot avoid depression from the holiday photos in the feed of your friends - and yours is empty. How to get through Women's Day if you're single?
And what's behind the facade?
Let's start with social media. Even if you already know this idea, think again: on Instagram you are shown an edited selection of positive moments in life. This is a specially created showcase, facade, demo version, Potemkin village.
You do the same on social networks: present the most pleasant, "ceremonial" moments - but you know that 99% of your life remains behind the scenes.
Other people have the same thing. A friend posted a photo from a restaurant with a bouquet of flowers, but you do not know what is really going on in her personal life. And there, believe the family psychologist, there are many problems, there are "tears invisible to the world", resentment and disappointment.
When you compare your entire life situation and the festively exemplary, embellished narrow sample in another person's tape, you are making a logical mistake. These are incomparable things
Never, I repeat, never treat pictures on social networks as a full-fledged reflection of another person's real life.
Second arrow - extra
Let's go from online to offline - into real life. Here we are also waiting for a meeting with a bright advertisement for the spring holiday, a million suggestions on how to celebrate it, flowers, again, which are not given to you.
How not to fall into despair, seeing yourself "overboard" of this celebration of life?
To answer this question, you need to look at the situation more broadly and say a few words about suffering in general. Let's first turn to time-tested wisdom. There is a metaphor about two arrows. The first arrow that hits you is the unpleasant event itself. For example, your finger hurts, or you got fired, or you had a fight with a friend. This is not encouraging, but we ourselves add pain to ourselves, thrusting a second arrow into ourselves: self-criticism, a sense of shame, self-flagellation, reproaches and even self-abuse.
Philosophers and sages, and after them psychologists, advise us not to stick a second arrow into ourselves - not to engage in self-trauma, in modern terms
Think about how you hurt yourself? What are you telling yourself? For what do you blame, shame, reproach? Do you put derogatory labels on yourself, such as “loser,” “ugly,” “fat,” “old,” and the like?
Now imagine: your best friend comes up to you, to whom you treat very well, and says that she will have to meet on March 8 without male attention. What do you tell her? How do you support her? Give her a second arrow of criticism, or will you do everything in your power to make her feel better, so that she smiles?
Just like your best friend, it's important to talk - and many times - to yourself. Then go from good words to good deeds - to take care of your mood. You need to enjoy life, regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not, congratulate you on Women's Day or not. It is corny, yes, but all worldly wisdom is simple. The main thing is to follow it in practice.
Don't compare yourself to others
Every difficult situation has a “nerve”, its essence, its “core”. What do you think constitutes such a "core" of feelings of loneliness on Women's Day? I will share my version. Answer: comparison. We feel bad because we compare our situation with that of others, the result is not in our favor, and we suffer. Do you agree?
We are so used to comparing ourselves with others that the legality of this operation is beyond doubt. In childhood, parents, educators, teachers compared us to other children. Then we learned to do it ourselves. Now we pass the baton to the children.
In the ranking of reliable ways to hurt yourself, comparing yourself to other people takes a prize. You just need to compare with those who are better now in some way: in material wealth, in having a family, in the number of subscribers and likes.
If this idea is new to you, then it will surprise you, but you cannot compare yourself and other people, this is an incorrect operation. When you observe another person and ponder what you can learn from him, that's another matter, you can do that, it makes sense. But when you think “she has this, and I don’t, then I’m worse and everything is bad,” these are just irrational mind games. They generate envy, frustration, low self-esteem, shame, and feelings of inferiority.
One can (correctly) compare oneself with only one person - oneself. You are a unique individuality, you are not ideal, but you are unique and inimitable, therefore the comparison operation is invalid, cancel it, disaccustom to perform it.
