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Video: Are You A Mature Person? Test Yourself 5 Points - Self-development
An overage "boy" of 30-40 years old sits at the consultation and almost cries: relations in the family do not work out, they do not appreciate him at work, friends and acquaintances are idiots, the country is a mess, the world is restless … In general, he is white and fluffy, and everything around is terrible and disgusting. Do you think this is a mature person?
The world around us is evil and unfriendly. All they do is that they undeservedly offend the poor, unfortunate "boy". The situation is aggravated by the fact that the “boy” is angry and responds to the unjust world in the same way: “If others behave like bastards, then why can't I ?! If everyone steals at my work, then I will not stand aside! If friends cheat on their wives, then I can do that too! If someone throws mud at someone on the Internet, then I will answer in the same spirit! ". This sad list of self-excuses and self-given permissions to be a bastard can go on for a long time.
But the problem is that if a person has at least some remnants of conscience, then this kind of excuse in the style of "not us, but this is life" does not work
We always choose ourselves: to bend under a changing world and then make excuses, accuse and seek consolation, or feel like the master of our life, without shifting responsibility for it onto others.
This is an existential choice that we don't always make consciously. Sometimes this choice is a consequence of childhood traumas, unfavorable family upbringing, etc. But this choice can be rethought and altered at any time. The task of growing up internally is precisely to take responsibility for your life and learn how to create something good, and not fight the whole world.
5 commandments of a mature personality
Are you a mature person? How to change your existential choice? 5 commandments of a psychologically mature personality will help:
1. Live your life, not information trash
The modern information society is designed in such a way that bad news falls on us in an endless stream, but good news has to be sought out like grains of gold. The more we sink into bad news, the more we get loaded with negative experiences and the more we are distracted from our own life tasks.
But the main problem is that information trash does not just spoil our mood - it forms the corresponding life principles and pushes us to certain actions
Instead of living a real life, we enroll in the "armies of the armies" and get involved in virtual wars. The only result of these wars is the polarization of opinions and the formation of the image of the enemy: "I am right, and they are fools and bastards." As a result, the model of a bad world in our head only strengthens. And we always have candidates on hand who can be named the culprits of all our problems.
2. Ignore what you can't fix yourself
There are a million things in the world that we don't like, cause anxiety, or cause other negative emotions. Many of these things become super-meaningful to us, we get hung up on them. It resembles a situation when we inflict a wound on ourselves, then we begin to comb it, and then we are surprised: "Why does it not heal, but everything is only getting worse?"
This is especially true for those problems with which we are not directly related. As in that old anecdote: “Something worries me about Honduras! So don't scratch him. " In the minds of each of us there are many such "Honduras" - far-fetched global problems. We cannot directly influence the solution of these problems, but how many experiences! But isn't it better to focus your attention and your strength on your life, on those problems that you can touch with your own hands and solve on your own ?! This is what a mature person does.
3. Don't expect someone to fix everything
An immature person usually unconsciously hopes (and quite consciously hangs on others a sense of responsibility / guilt) that someone big and strong will come and solve all the problems. The wording is different: "They are there in the government must understand … She must ask me for forgiveness …". But the meaning is always the same: the responsibility for the fact that everything is so bad in the world lies with someone else (not me), and it is they who must solve all the problems that bother me so much.
One well-known psychotherapist had a poster on the wall in his office with the words
And a mature person understands perfectly well that in this world no one owes anything to anyone, and that the salvation of drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves. Maybe someone will come and join … But it will be later, but you still have to start with yourself.
4. Choose "your war"
If we turn away from informational chimeras (item 1), do not spread over the Honduras who are far from our lives (item 2) and do not hope that someone will solve our problems for us (item 3), then the moment comes to choose what really valuable to me.
- If the world is evil, how can I make it kinder?
- If life in general is wrong, how can I make my own life more right?
- If people are treating me unfairly, then perhaps I am communicating with the wrong people?
Or (oh, how difficult it is to admit this thought!) It's all about me, and what I get from life is fair in its own way ?!
In any case, do not forget that your life is your life. And you can always change your being (real way of life), and even more so your consciousness (attitude to life).
5. Be real
It can be formulated in another way: do what you preach. The common misfortune of all over-age "boys": they complain about life and blame others, but at the same time they do not understand their own values (p. 4) and do nothing really to make them come true (not in words!). A very comfortable but dead-end position of a whiner-critic …
But if you have at least some of your own creative, constructive, life-affirming values and goals, then what have you really done to achieve them ?
Being real means taking responsibility for your life and doing real things that really change it for the better. If these actions are worthy, then other people will appreciate them. One should not expect special justice from their assessments, but a person who consciously realizes himself does not need it.
The inner philosophy is changing: the world is good, fair, kind, beautiful, because I am a mature person and I make it this way. And if it depends on me, then what is the point of blaming others for something and demanding something from them ?!