Is It True That Women Love With Their Ears And Men Love With Their Eyes - Relationship, Sex

"Women love with their ears, men love with their eyes." The print market has shown particular sensitivity to simple truth, which has released hundreds of guides on how to make you hang your ears and catch your eye. Do these seduction strategies work?

The technology itself is clear, simple and, in the genre of modern urban flirting, is almost universal: clothes with a needle, a pleasant timbre voice, more or less clever compliments. And if, in addition, you are able to play with a silky curl (relief muscle) not too annoyingly and savor (in a timely manner) a fruit and berry dessert - your object! There remains a trifle - to keep. But how? One of my very witty friend advised me to hide her lover's shoes well. The bewildered gentleman really lingered (looking for the loss), although then he still ran away in the master's slippers with pompoms.

Now, when poison has been poured onto the keyboard, there is nothing left but to apologize to cute temptresses: flirtation and some sexual provocation are absolutely necessary both on the first date and on the thirtieth wedding anniversary: such is the fuel of earthly attraction. Another question is why in the performance of some the most elementary tricks go with a bang, while others have to spend their best years at a table on the sidelines, despite all their efforts.

Let's imagine a girl is sitting in a cafe. With a figure, clothes - order, makeup is impeccable, but the pose gives out excruciating tension, the eyes scan visitors. Even if some humanist is found at the next table, something more exciting will come of this acquaintance than a formal conversation and two or three standard dates. Eroticism presupposes chance, drive, impromptu, and the main enemy in such things is excessive concern about the "technical" side of the issue.

According to sexologist Yuri Prokopenko, nothing can effectively erase attractiveness as strained sex appeal: “Just as women laugh at the“macho,”men are perplexed when they meet a beautiful woman who is always fully armed. When in broad daylight on the subway you see a girl in an evening dress, you do not even have time to think whether she is good or not, it immediately comes to mind: “Well, what a high competition they have!”

Doctor of Medical Sciences, Professor Sergei Agarkov is also convinced that true sex appeal is primarily in naturalness, which has nothing to do with techniques and rules. “The woman, too concerned about how she looks, withdraws. She is afraid that she will be taken by surprise, but the man perceives this as a sign of rejection. At this time, the freer competitor sends another signal: "I like you!" It doesn't matter that it may not be so perfect. The main thing is that a man understands that he is appreciated, that he is needed."

The fact that our attractiveness to others directly depends on their attitude towards us was confirmed by an experiment by psychologists James Ditts and Harold Kelly. Researchers convinced one group of volunteers that opponents sympathized with them, while others were not told. It soon became clear that the subjects who thought they liked them were more interested in their interlocutors, rated their mental abilities and external data higher, tolerated criticism more easily and more willingly accepted praise than those who believed that they were indifferent to them.

EXPERT OPINION

ACCESS SIGNALS

If a man is inclined towards a short-term acquaintance, a fleeting adventure, then the main criterion for his choice will be sexual attractiveness. He will choose the most accessible women for intimate intimacy. Moreover, the less resources (time, mental strength, finances) are spent, the more profitable. In this case, the man is not tuned in to emotional closeness with the woman, the component of lightness, gaiety and transience, getting a release, shaking up, confirming his sexuality is important for him. If a man is looking for a partner for a long-term relationship, then he will choose differently. In this case, he will pay attention to a sexually inaccessible, but at the same time, desired woman. But showing off, flamboyant sexuality for long-term relationships will have a negative effect. Naturalness is more suitable here,naturalness and sincerity. Therefore, for women who are in search of their man, it is important to understand what kind of relationship they are pushing men to with their appearance and behavior.

Tatiana Kamelina,

practicing psychologist

RULES FROM EXCEPTIONS

Attractiveness is too personal a story to deduce formulas, they say, "they love", but this is not, and according to sexologists, all styles of seduction are as effective as they are useless. The cat's plasticity, professional manners, playing “her boyfriend”, as well as a timid look from under lowered eyelashes literally drive some crazy, others just annoy.

"It is believed that men do not favor women who do not laugh at their jokes and do not know how to listen," says Yuriy Prokopenko. - So, this is a purely female myth! If you don't have a sense of humor, the feeling that it is not there is enough. And if you have feet from ears and a third number, every second person absolutely does not care what you nodded in response to his passionate speech about economic paternalism."

The classic of Russian literature also testifies to the fact that love is woven from paradoxes. Young ladies know from childhood how instructive the story of Anna Karenina is, but few consider the story of Anna von Diederitz, better known as the "lady with the dog", as such. Remember the episode in the hotel, when she is executed, that she “has become a vulgar woman,” and Gurov is bored and eats a watermelon? If this genre had canons, a period would follow the mise-en-scene. But he rushes to look for her in the provincial town of S. Why? Who knows!

Those who are categorically not satisfied with such an answer can be invited to think about the criteria for evaluating and choosing a potential partner accepted in psychology. These are physical attractiveness, cultural and educational level, sexual, material and psychological factors, and the last, psychological - the most important, since over time it balances the rest. “In the conditions of acquaintance and a first date, all this is realized rather conditionally,” Yuriy Prokopenko believes. - Here I am looking at a woman, she is beautiful, and I like it, but she is clearly wealthier than me, and this repulses me. She's smart, but she has a nasty accent, but I can handle it. Or - she's as stupid as a cork, and that's great! What prevails at this stage is not that important,because in the very near future there will be another “test” - for compliance with the internal image of an ideal partner”.

Obviously, even young and inexperienced people entering a relationship are not tabula rasa. Each of us brings our own ideas about the ideal, which have developed as a result of previous experiences gleaned from the parental family, as well as from our own love and friendship ties. Thus, the perception of a partner in a newly formed couple is accompanied by a special psychological process - "stereotyping", which leads either to the emergence of a prejudice ("This is not my man!") And parting, or to falling in love with her pink glasses, which is also a serious test for strength. According to the observation of the American psychologist W. Waller, idealization inevitable during the period of falling in love (also called "positive bias") is in fact a mutual deception. After all, when one of us looks at the other with loving eyes,he unconsciously tries to replace his “imperfect self” with a refined image, an ideal that should please the subject of passion. This, in turn, determines the response of the partner, who also confirms the best impression of himself. Is it so dangerous? On the one hand, yes, because reality runs the risk of crossing out skillfully drawn self-portraits with rough everyday strokes. However, this is not always the case. Psychologist and sexologist Igor Kon wrote that the idealization of falling in love is not only a ground for disappointment, it is also a “development zone”, a hint of what we have not yet become, but could: “Love confirms the value of a personality and encourages it to open up ".determines the response of the partner, who also confirms the best impression of himself. Is it so dangerous? On the one hand, yes, because reality runs the risk of crossing out skillfully drawn self-portraits with rough everyday strokes. However, this is not always the case. Psychologist and sexologist Igor Kon wrote that the idealization of falling in love is not only a ground for disappointment, it is also a “development zone”, a hint of what we have not yet become, but could: “Love confirms the value of a personality and encourages it to open up ".determines the response of the partner, who also confirms the best impression of himself. Is it so dangerous? On the one hand, yes, because reality runs the risk of crossing out skillfully drawn self-portraits with rough everyday strokes. However, this is not always the case. Psychologist and sexologist Igor Kon wrote that the idealization of falling in love is not only a ground for disappointment, it is also a “development zone”, a hint of what we have not yet become, but could: “Love confirms the value of a personality and encourages it to open up ".it is also a "development zone", a hint of what we have not yet become, but could: "Love confirms the value of the personality and encourages it to reveal itself."it is also a "development zone", a hint of what we have not yet become, but could: "Love confirms the value of the personality and encourages it to reveal itself."

LOOK INTO YOU LIKE IN A MIRROR

The neo-Freudian psychologist Harry Sullivan emphasized that our self, with all its subjectivity, is the only reality and reference point that is available to us. Therefore, the ability to love other people, to see their beauty and sexuality is in direct relationship with our self-esteem. This has been proven by numerous studies conducted in the United States and Europe. For example, it was found that in couples where both partners are healthy, self-confident people, the perception of the other half is better: he or she is more willing to forgive mistakes, appreciate achievements more, try to understand the partner's point of view. In the same couples where self-esteem is underestimated, the attitude towards each other is tougher: people dissatisfied with themselves see in their loved one a stranger and not very understandable person.

Sexologists believe that by the way a man evaluates female attractiveness, one can draw conclusions about himself - and not only about the degree of his self-confidence, but also about his sexual capabilities. Let's say he is fastidious and demanding: if he looks, then only at the supermodel. It would seem what an esthete! However, in practice, such "selectivity" is distinguished by very notorious comrades. The same goes for age criteria. Take, for example, a very common case: a mature man does not pay attention to his peers, prefers young ones. Why? The older group is not in the right shape? No, he just does not risk getting involved with them. It is possible, of course, to find out for a long time who scared him and with what. But the fact is that it is easier for a young creature to bother with vows of eternal love, money and gifts. Adult ladies are a different peopleAfter all, they can see some qualities behind this tinsel, and he just doesn't want that.

According to the doctor-sexologist Yuri Prokopenko, another reason for the passion for yesterday's schoolgirls is low potency: “Usually everyone admires: here is our Vasya, he is already over fifty, and what a fine fellow! It never occurs to anyone that he changes girls only because he simply does not have enough strength for permanent partnerships. It is also very revealing how easy it is to seduce him. Catching a standing person with outright tricks is a dubious success. This kind of hypersexuality is characteristic of very young men. Those who are older and more experienced value sex appeal with human qualities."

“In general, trying to interest someone, it is worth remembering that a woman chooses a man, and not vice versa,” advises sexologist Sergei Agarkov. - This great discovery was made by Charles Darwin 150 years ago. A woman must give a man a secret sign that, in principle, sexual relations are possible. But if she shows great sexual activity, then the man has a fear that he will be able to correspond to the level that she asks. Therefore, he often begins to give up and cool the relationship. He feels great even if he hears a soft, gentle voice."

By the way, experts have no consensus on the appropriateness of sex on a first date. “It used to be absolutely indecent. Now there are fewer and fewer bans, - the expert continues. - Of course, everyone decides for himself. There is research in the UK, which is decent when the dating practice lasts about a month. In general, a woman should understand how promising this relationship is, and this takes some time. Today, many people want to get everything at once, so sex is not so much a desire for intimacy as a desire to quickly test a partner and understand whether it is worth spending time on him. This economic approach essentially depersonalizes relationships. If we do not value a person enough, it is very difficult to assemble from them what is then called a mature partnership."

“Self-love is a necessary condition for love of others,” wrote psychologist and philosopher Erich Fromm. Therefore, if we want to please, seduce and conquer, the first thing to learn is self-love. Banal selfishness has nothing to do with it, it is about self-love not out of pity, but from the completeness of the worldview, generous, capable of warming others. As proof of this theory, it remains only to cite the results of another Western study by American psychologists J. Cunningham and J. Antill, who came to the conclusion that those who have many friends of the same sex have better romantic relationships. This is understandable, because both love and friendship require sincerity, openness and responsiveness.