How Do You Tell Your Child About The Dangers? - Society

The incompleteness of our own knowledge and fears lead to the fact that we are not ready to tell the child about the structure of the world. This leads to the fact that the little person does not understand how to behave with the offenders or falls on the hook of the intruder. Science popularizer Alexander Tolmachev will tell you how to tell your child about the dangers, how to choose the right words that will not scare the child, but will create an adequate picture of the world

From early childhood, we are surrounded by native people who love us and treat us well. The love we receive from loved ones strengthens our self-confidence and desire to respond to people with the same kindness. As we grow up, we include in our circle of communication first friends of our parents, educators, neighbors, and then teachers, as well as strangers who can be found in the store, in transport, on the street.

I must say that at first we admit new people very reluctantly. Kids after six months, when they already begin to distinguish their own from strangers, greet these strangers with crying. They do not go into their arms, do not play with them and try to hide in every possible way. The little ones bury their mothers in the shoulder, and those who already know how to walk hide behind their parents. Inexperienced parents take fear for modesty, joke and try in every possible way to introduce the child to a new person. And growing up, children begin to get to know each other much easier and cease to be afraid of strangers.

Gradually getting to know people, we understand that there are different people in the world - those who do good deeds and those who do bad deeds. We also learn that it is very difficult to immediately understand what kind of person is in front of you. But in fact, it is simply impossible, because from childhood we do not know how people with bad intentions behave. Children's perception of a bad person is based on the images of negative characters from cartoons and movies, which present them in a recognizable way: an unpleasant appearance, an evil grin, a black mask, a terrible laugh, a hoarse voice.

For clarity, let's remember the villains from the cartoons. "Romantics from the Highway" from "The Bremen Town Musicians" are dressed in gypsy outfits and sing songs in a hoarse voice. Baba Yaga with a crooked nose and a broom. Koschey is just a walking skeleton. Gru from Despicable Me is bald, hunchbacked and has a very long nose. The wolf from "Well, wait a minute" - well, he is a wolf, what can I say about him.

Thus, children's media unwittingly misleads the child about how people with bad intentions behave, and the child believes that he will certainly recognize any intruder at first sight

This common misconception of children can be exploited by malefactors to achieve their goals. By the way, my friends often had such situations: children were afraid of people if they had similarities with evil cartoon characters. For example, my friend’s son was afraid of the salesman at the grocery store in their house. She had a large mole on her nose, and she also painted her lips with bright red lipstick all the time. Apparently, the child associated these details with villains and danger. To send my son alone to this store for bread, there could not even be a conversation. Although the saleswoman was a very pleasant woman and always spoke very affectionately with this child.

Outwardly, the perpetrator may not look like the perpetrator. Even loved ones may not know that they live in the same apartment with a terrible intruder. What can we say about children.

Our task as parents is to explain to children that people with bad intentions are no different from others in appearance, and it is not even worth trying to "calculate" them. It is much more important to distinguish between "us" and "strangers", because the behavior of some "strangers" can tell a lot about their intentions

Educate your child about the dangers. Who are "ours" and who are "strangers"?

• “Stranger” is any person whom neither the child nor yourself knows. Regardless of how this person looks, behaves, who he appears to be, it does not matter whether he is young or old, a man or a woman, or even a child.
• "Svoi" are mom, dad, grandparents, and other relatives. In addition, “theirs” are those with whom the parents allowed to talk, with whom they themselves introduced the child.

Before communicating with a stranger, the child must ask permission from his mother (dad, grandmother or grandfather - designate this circle of people yourself). Even if you yourself know the person, and the child sees him for the first time, teach him that he should ask your permission before talking to this person, taking a gift from him, going somewhere with him.

If your child is still small and has just learned to distinguish between "friends" and "strangers", maintain a wary attitude towards strangers, strangers in him. If he is hiding behind you when meeting a new person, do not make fun of the "shy guy" and do not push him forward. Respect your child. Then he will learn to respect himself and his desires.

How to deal with strangers

Being without parents, the child will have to decide for himself how to behave with “strangers”. It is important to explain to the child that a normal adult does not need anything from an unfamiliar child. A safe "stranger" will not ask the child for help, will not treat, invite to visit, persistently offer gifts or the opportunity to act in a movie.

If the "stranger" person invites the child to follow him, then it is very possible that this stranger is a kidnapper. In this case, the stranger may behave kindly, smile, or even appear helpless. We must teach them to say "No!", Clearly and distinctly make it clear that "Mom does not allow talking to strangers!"

Inventive criminals, when they are told such a phrase, answer: “So let's get acquainted! My name is Uncle Petya. How are you? We already know you now, right? " Some begin acquaintance on their own, without waiting for the child to give out his installation. Including criminals bribe the location of the child not only with compliments and gifts, but also with their uniqueness. I have seen such cases when children followed a stranger because he was "special." For example, he flew to him from a magical land where his favorite heroes live. Or he is completely familiar with the Barboskin family. Or he helps to fix a blue tractor at night, so that in the daytime this tractor comes to the kid in cartoons. Or maybe he is a writer at all who came up with all these fairy tales that his mother reads to him at night.

Such criminals prepare very well before committing atrocities. Yes, they spend time learning these things and speak the same language with the children.

Unfortunately, many do not even realize that some maniacs and pedophiles are exemplary family men. They can be great on children's topics because they have children of their own. As paradoxical as it may sound.

We must not only explain to children that it is forbidden to talk to strangers, but also teach them what to do if someone comes up to you and tries to make an acquaintance. Most importantly, you shouldn't be ashamed to ask for help

Another question is who to ask for help? The uncle who drinks beer on that bench over there? Or an old man who reads a newspaper? How should a child choose who to ask for help? It is best to discuss this with your child in advance. If there are mothers with children nearby, you need to turn to these mothers for help. If he sees a policeman in uniform or a security guard, then you can contact him.

Sometimes children are uncomfortable and scared that adults may take offense at their actions, laugh at their behavior, guess that the child has doubts about him. For example, a situation where a child does not enter an elevator with a stranger. And he says: "Do you think I'm a maniac?" At this point, the child feels uncomfortable and can still enter the elevator with a stranger.

This also applies to "adult acquaintances" who can look at children "differently", touch them. At such moments, the child often convinces himself that it seemed to him and that he was not understanding something, but he felt that something was going wrong. Explain to him that a stranger should not touch him.

What to teach a child

Do not intimidate the child with phrases like "someone else's uncle will take you and eat you" - this will only undermine his basic trust in the world, and therefore self-confidence. Explain to your child that there are strangers to talk to. These are, for example, police officers, firefighters, salespeople, teachers (educators) or security guards in stores - the very strangers that children can approach in an emergency (for example, if they are lost).

Pay attention to the child, what the uniform of law enforcement officers looks like, by what signs he can recognize the person who works in the store. He must understand that a stranger to whom he himself turns for help is still safer than the one who offers this help first.

It is a good idea to talk to your child about safe places in advance where they can find a safe adult. Choose places that are close to his school, to your home. It can be a district office, a clinic, shops you often go to and where you know sellers, a concierge at your entrance, a security guard in a supermarket, a seller in a pharmacy … There are many options.

Adults with children can also help. You can run up to a woman with a child and say: “That uncle is bothering me. May I come with you? " If the situation takes place on the playground, then it is even easier to find mothers there. Discreet criminals certainly won't go to the playground. But, so to speak, "beginners" can very well. Therefore, it is important that on the playground the child knows not only children, but also their parents.

Knowing your neighbors is generally useful. After all, it may be that a stranger will stick to the child on the way home. There are no "safe" people around. And suddenly a neighbor walks - a familiar face. You can run to him

I think you've noticed the current trend of not being in person. I will go a little deeper into the memories. When I was little, I knew all the children in the yard, who lives in which entrance, who's parents' names and how they look. I knew near which window I needed to shout so that Petya or Valera would look out and wave at me. And when little children went out for a walk in the yard, mothers stood in groups and talked. We walked in a row with carriages.

Have you noticed how walks in the yard take place now? Children play all together - yes. Parents sit alone alone and most often with their eyes on the phone.

The most sociable are in pairs. But that's okay, there is no desire to communicate - and there is nothing so terrible about it. But it would be useful for children to get to know the mothers of other children. After all, "if suddenly something", they can find a familiar face on the site. And it's easier to turn to a friend for help.

I used to know everyone who lives in my doorway, and everyone knew me. But now it is not accepted to communicate with neighbors. An elevator ride is usually always silent. If you run into a neighbor on the playground, then you say hello, of course, out of politeness. And that is all.

Another difference. Before, everyone cared about everything. Although the grandmothers sat on the benches all day, they did not let strangers into the entrance. Until everyone finds out, they will not lag behind. Better than the guards! Adults always made comments, they could go find our parents.

But in our reality, that is, now, everyone walks past each other. And even if they notice something "wrong", they prefer to keep silent, "you never know what." So the modern world makes the life of criminals a lot easier.

Are there reliable ways to quickly identify a dangerous "stranger"? Hardly. But there are some signs that should make a child, if not immediately stop contact with a stranger, then, in any case, be on the alert

Read more: A. Tolmachev. How to tell your child about the dangers. M.: Eksmo, 2019.