Table of contents:
- We are faced with rudeness and rudeness quite often. "Hospitable" public institutions, shops, transport, traffic jams. Rudeness can knock the ground out from under your feet and leave you speechless. The feeling of undeserved resentment remains with us a nasty aftertaste. We worry for a long time and analyze what needed to be said, how it was necessary to react more correctly. As they say in France, l'esprit d'escalier is wit on the stairs. A situation in which the correct words in response were thought up too late, when you are no longer in the house, but on the stairs. Rudeness has literally become a hallmark of society. How do you protect yourself? How to resist rudeness? How to learn not to be rude in response and not allow you to violate your boundaries?
- Who are all these people?
- Hams vs not Hams
- We are vaccinated. 6 ways to resist rudeness
- Close people
Video: How To Resist Rudeness, Or Vaccination Against Rudeness Without Reaction And Consequences - Self-development, Society
2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-11-27 12:13
We are faced with rudeness and rudeness quite often. "Hospitable" public institutions, shops, transport, traffic jams. Rudeness can knock the ground out from under your feet and leave you speechless. The feeling of undeserved resentment remains with us a nasty aftertaste. We worry for a long time and analyze what needed to be said, how it was necessary to react more correctly. As they say in France, l'esprit d'escalier is wit on the stairs. A situation in which the correct words in response were thought up too late, when you are no longer in the house, but on the stairs. Rudeness has literally become a hallmark of society. How do you protect yourself? How to resist rudeness? How to learn not to be rude in response and not allow you to violate your boundaries?
Who are all these people?
If we are talking about a casual passer-by, a shop assistant, or any stranger, the situation is simpler. It is enough just to leave, turn away, not react in any way. You most likely will not see this person again (well, really, you will no longer go to buy groceries to the boor?). This is the end of the incident.
It is much worse if your acquaintance or close person rude to you. At such a moment, you can feel that the world is literally crumbling. But even in this case, the problem is solved faster than it might seem. Perhaps something happened between you, your friend is offended or angry. A confidential conversation in such a situation is likely to reveal the problem. Even if it happens later.
It happens that a boorish person is constantly next to you. This is never your buddy. It can be a neighbor in the country or a staircase. A work colleague from another floor. The fact is, from time to time, you bump into. The boor man regularly plagues you with nagging and remarks. And you really get lost, not understanding how to respond to undeserved attacks. What to do?
Hams vs not Hams
Certainly, rather self-confident individuals are rude. Such people have a certain instinct and will not provoke someone who can adequately (in their format) respond to them. But for all their external confidence, rude people are people dissatisfied with life. From this it can be difficult to show empathy: yes, he seems to be unhappy, but how masterly and insultingly rude!
Often, rudeness hides the fear of a rude person before an opponent. Ham himself is to blame, he acted badly, but … "Attack is the best defense" - this is the slogan of the brute, and he tries to attack and strike first in order to camouflage the truth.
Conventionally, rudeness can be divided into 2 categories
- In the first, people with an unbalanced psyche perform. It can be both mental disorders (OCD, psychopathy) and physiological impairment leading to neurotic problems (for example, thyroid disease). Here a person is rude unconsciously, does not control himself. Such contacts should be minimized, if we are not talking about your relative / friend / close person. Rudeness and verbal aggression are not all that he is capable of.
- The second category is rudeness-manipulation. What we encounter more often. You are actively manipulated for some reason. For example, they want to end a relationship, but do not want to do so explicitly. Expecting rudeness in response, the toxic rude person will gladly shift the blame for the quarrel onto you, provoke guilt and achieve what he wants. This scenario is common in family conflicts and any toxic relationship.
Highly cultured people capable of empathy and empathy with a high sense of guilt are physically unable to respond to rudeness in this way. But this does not mean that you do not need to defend yourself.
We are vaccinated. 6 ways to resist rudeness
It is definitely not worth responding with rudeness to rudeness. And it's not about high moral principles. The bottom line is that by snapping and rude in response, we do exactly what the abuser needs. At this moment, we are already being manipulated and they will strive for it exactly as much as we will respond to it in the same way.
1. Calm, only calm
Calmly listened, calmly answered. No excuses or excuses. They provoke you into a conflict, they want to piss you off in order to recharge themselves. It will not work if you do not demonstrate your confusion. An example is everyday rudeness. The cashier in the store yelled at you because she has no change. You calmly asked, she once again delivered her speech, you said once again that this is exclusively her problem to be solved.
2. Broken script
Filigree tactics. If you are accused of some kind of oversight and do it, say, unfairly and indiscriminately, try … to agree. Only without sarcasm and a subtle grin. Keep a sense of humor for yourself. For example, you accidentally pushed someone, and something unpleasant like "elephant", "go out", "eyes popped out" immediately flew to you in response. And you in return - I'm sorry, I'm really awkward, but you made the right remark to me. Disorientation is assured.
3. Silence is golden
Such tactics, if not stop the boor splashing saliva and swear words, will definitely shorten his monologue. Especially effective in a public place. They shout at you and even call names, you are calmly silent. It is clear to others who have behavioral problems.
4. Shock therapy
For rudeness, you ask a question that is not at all related to the subject of the "conversation". The neighbor reprimands you for knocking the door hard (not true), and you politely ask him about yesterday's premiere film.
5. Don't rate
Even if the whole world agrees with you, you should not say evaluative words. The fact that a rude person behaves “in a boorish way”, “disgusting”, “disgusting” and so on is a fact, but only your evaluative opinion. Having said this out loud, you again begin to play by the rules of the aggressor. If you want to answer, choose the appropriate substitutions. "Please don't raise your voice at me." "I don't like it when people talk about me in the third person."
6. Go away
Honestly, you don't have to listen to this. Let millions of words fly after them, they all break against the wall of your indifference and denial of dialogue. And yes, most likely, your relationship with this person will be completely ruined. Nothing wrong. Just walk away. This is an option to resist rudeness better than watching your boundaries collapse under a hail of undeserved words.
In relationships with loved ones, many methods are, alas, inoperative. Because we are involved in a relationship, this is a situation that is not excluded from life.
The first thing to understand before drowning in an undeserved resentment: any conflict with loved ones means that there is a gap in communication
Something happened with mutual understanding, and like a snowball rolled down into mutual accusations, a raised voice and resentment. To understand and painlessly solve problems, you will have to step aside for a while. Think, feel and start a dialogue later. Those closest to you are the most injured. Therefore, in this traumatic situation, it is very important to "breathe", understand and accept.
A person who is rude has a powerful emotional hunger. You don't have to satisfy it. A sense of humor, however, can be a great response to being rude. Being condescending to an unpleasant situation can help maintain both your mood and self-esteem. The strength will appear to resist rudeness.
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