Let's Be Friends. How To Break Up Correctly? - Relations

Parting is a powerful emotional experience that each of us has to go through. It often happens unexpectedly and is perceived as a stab in the back. Sometimes this is a worthy result of selfishness, inability and unwillingness to build relationships. How to break up correctly?

There are no painless partings. Someone in this story suffers more. And sometimes the only way out seems to be to remain friends. And here you need to think - what is it? A worthy outlet for the strong and smart or an illusory hope for something? Will it really help or will it just continue the torture?

How to break up correctly - so as to remain friends?

They come with such a question to their closest friend / friend, and to a psychologist. Such questions are asked on forums and discussed at gestalt meetings with the topic of emotional addiction. In this question, it seems that the assertion of further friendship already sounds, the point is only in the technique of execution.

Let's ask in a different way: what is friendship?

One way or another, friendship between a man and a woman is included in love in a certain way. When one of the partners offers to remain friends, there are several reasons for this.

1. You broke up in vain

Perhaps for a long time mutual discontent and irritation accumulated. Without taking the initiative in the conversation, one of you turned up problems in himself so much that he recognized the separation as the only correct way out. It happens that already during a conversation, everything falls into place, "steam comes out", an explanation happens and everything ends well. Yes, this is rare.

2. You are not the initiator of the gap

You are hurt and very scared, you were absolutely not ready for such an outcome of events. At the moment, you are ready to do anything to keep the hope of restoring the relationship. This is called psychological masochism. Believe me, soon this situation will devastate you. And consent to friendship will result in powerful aggression against the former partner. Precisely because he agreed to be friends with you. This whole story most often leads to depression. It needs to be worked out with a specialist.

3. You are the initiator of the breakup

And you're scared again. You are afraid of scandal or possible aggression. Or the relationship was toxic to begin with and you are the victim. Or are you just afraid to offend. And then you decide to "soften the blow" and secure the conversation. So, an honest parting does not mean “stay friends”. Honestly, it's not always easy and soft. But then there will be no problems due to the fact that "friendship" does not work at all.

When is it necessary to "be friends"?

Firstly, in a situation where there are common children, you will have to compromise. You will need to communicate, you are no longer a husband and wife, but you are always a father and mother. Be kind, learn to communicate kindly for the sake of the child, even if you did not have this skill in a relationship. And perhaps this will be the beginning of a different, happier life.

Secondly, this is a situation when you are connected by a common cause, business partnership, joint projects. Perhaps, on the basis of sincere mutual understanding and close communication, an intimate relationship happened between you. But you do not need anything from each other, except for friendly and partner communication. In this case, parting under the heading "be friends" will be a mutual relief.

How to react and not get hurt?

If you have received a “tempting” offer to stay friends, and you are torn from pain and resentment, take a break. Protect yourself completely from communication with your ex. The acute pain will pass, you will look at everything differently, including the proposed "friendship."

If you are planning to offer to stay friends, honestly think about why you need it. Save a partner "in reserve"? Do not offend? Working on the relationship had to be in a relationship. The most honest and open thing you can do after a breakup is to make sure that your ex doesn't trigger any more emotions. And friendship has nothing to do with it.

Scientific base

Anthropologist Helen Fisher: "You can't be friends right after a relationship ends." She confirms her statement by experiment. Under the control of MRI, the subjects looked at photographs of strangers and their former partners with whom they had recently broken up. The brain's response was similar to that of people with drug / alcohol addiction after abstinence.

Roy Baumeiter, psychologist: "Only those who initiated the breakup are in favor of offering friendship." Such a “generous” step removes the feeling of guilt, but in fact is not a guarantee of sincere communication. Former partners in most cases do not seek to support and help each other.

This too shall pass

You are facing a difficult period, especially if the separation was not your initiative. As dry as it may sound, remember that this period will definitely end. You will survive it. First of all, you need to admit to yourself: “This relationship is over. Nothing connects us with this person anymore."

Experience as much as you need. Cry if you feel like crying, sit at home for a while if necessary, but remember: this is temporary. Gradually start thinking more about yourself. Now is the time to revise your interests and plans. What do you love, what did you dream about, what did you want to do, but did not have enough time? Look for joyful moments, do what brings you pleasure. By doing this, you are helping yourself to start living anew. And most importantly - do not lose faith in people, because there is much more good around.