A Teenager Is Not Interested In Anything: How To Fix It? - Society

A typical “piteous song” of parents of teenage children: “He / she is not interested in anything! He does some nonsense all day. He does not think about the future at all, but we are in his / her years …”

What's funny is that few parents notice a contradiction in their words: between "nothing interesting" and "doing something all day." It is rather difficult to explain that there are simply no people without interests and without any motivation. While we are alive, we all the time want something, at least something is necessarily included in the sphere of our interests. If a person is not interested in anything at all, then he is either tired (but then he is "interested" in rest), or sick (and then it is "interesting" to recover), or in depression (see the previous point), or died.

But in reality, everything is much simpler. It is very easy for us to say that our child is “not interested in anything” when we know nothing about his interests, or when his interests seem to be wrong to us. Therefore, if a teenager “is busy with something all day, but he is not interested in anything,” then there are two options:

• or parents have very little idea of what their child is doing;
• or they know, but they treat the hobbies of their child extremely negatively.

Fathers and Sons

Let's start at the end, with the notorious problem of fathers and children. Adolescence is the time of growing up. The main quality of an adult is autonomy, independence, the right to live his own life.

It is in adolescence that separation begins - the psychological separation of the child from the parents and his self-affirmation as an adult. There is a break in the “emotional cord” in parent-child relationships, which can sometimes be quite painful. The more control, demands, expectations, care and guardianship on the part of parents, the higher the risk of teenage rebellion.

To feel like an adult, a teenager strives to be different from his parents at all costs. And this does not always mean a direct conflict with parental requirements and outlook on life. Most often, adolescents create their own subculture, a separate world in which "everything is grown-up" (but not like that of their parents)

If you look at the teenage world through the eyes of an adult, then there is something to be horrified at. Teenagers hang out on social media all night long. There they swear, post pictures from the next drinking binge, hound and troll classmates, start all sorts of dark deeds. All they have in mind is sex, psychoactive substances, petty crime. Listen to this endless rap; trade or exchange fashionable clothes; they just hang out on the streets (just not to sit at home and do their homework). In general, they are busy not just with nonsense, but with something potentially dangerous.

Further, the parents rightly remark: “Well, I found out about the interests of my child. I looked at the page on social networks, and there on my mind there were only partying drunks. How can I take these interests calmly ?! This is wrong!"

What are the interests?

This concern is understandable and justified. But here it is important not to get excited, because there is a very high risk of not seeing the forest behind the trees. It is important to distinguish between deep-seated interests / needs and those opportunities for their realization that the environment provides.

For example, it is important for many teens to be popular with their peers. This is one of the basic needs of adolescence. But how to gain this popularity? And here a lot depends on the audience (for whom you want to become popular) and on what this audience is usually busy with, how they spend their time.

If this is a company from the next doorway, which steals in stores on trifles, then the secret of popularity is to steal better than them. But if it is, say, a sports section, then the path to popularity there lies through real records and achievements.

How to fix "nothing interesting"?

Let's go back to the question in the title of the article. The answer to it is two-step:

1. First, find out what is really interesting for your child (not what should be interesting, but in fact). Even if interests seem terrible to you, react calmly and try to figure out what deeper needs are hidden behind those interests.

   Do not forget about the main age need - to become an adult (and to prove it first of all to peers). If the child is busy with "some nonsense", take it seriously - it means that this "nonsense" is necessary for something! But for what?

2. If you have successfully solved the riddle from item 1 - identified the true needs / interests of your child - the next step is to change the environment, to give the opportunity to choose a new way to satisfy the need / interest.

   This task is very difficult, you need to act here carefully and unobtrusively. Because any suggestions from parents can be perceived by a teenager with hostility.

Moreover, there is always the risk of being wrong. For example, instead of petty theft for the sake of popularity in a dubious company, we offer the child a sports section. But, firstly, the child may not like the sport, and secondly, the guys from the section may turn out to be less friendly and interesting than friends from the previous company. Therefore, it is important to be patient and understand that the formation of new, more positive interests occurs by trial and error and can take time.

But without the help of parents, new constructive interests are unlikely to take root. The teenager will simply move along the path of least resistance, choosing such ways of realizing his needs / interests that are most common in the adolescent subculture

Parents' help is vital here, but it should not start with criticism "he / she is not interested in anything, he is busy all day with nonsense", but with a deep understanding of his / her child and positive acceptance. And then we live an interesting life ourselves and create opportunities (the more the better) for realizing the interests of the child.