Technologies For Victim Stalking. Cyberbullying And Cyberstalking - Society

Shirley hoped that the abuse by her narcissistic husband would end after they divorced. Instead, he found a new way to harass and torture her. He started cyberbullying - cyberbullying

At first, Shirley noticed that her ex-husband likes or uses angry emojis under her Facebook posts. If there was no reaction, he left sarcastic comments, after the removal of which he wrote new ones, one worse than the other. Shirley ended up blocking him. Then the ex-husband began to follow her friends and family, commenting on their publications and leaving offensive comments about his ex-wife. The worst thing he wrote was: "She does not deserve happiness and even life."

When his friends blocked him, he started creating fake profiles in an attempt to "make friends" with them again. He posted derogatory photos, memes, and comments about Shirley. Made up stories about her and told secrets from her past, posting them on her friend's wall. He just couldn't stop.

Shirley decided to close her Facebook page and started using Instagram. But the same thing happened. She switched to Snapchat and it happened again. On every social media platform she used, he found her and then stalked and intimidated her and her friends. It was too much, and she was really scared. As a result, she left all social networks.

Now, when unsuspecting friends tagged her on social networks in a photo of the event, he showed up there in person. Since he could no longer engage in cyberbullying, he began cyberstalking - for example, he sent her emails with photos of where she was a week ago. He said that he was collecting information about her in order to prove to everyone that she was a fraud. He always did just enough so that he could not be accused of anything, but quite enough to torment his ex-wife.

Shirley was confused and horrified by the experience. After contacting the police, she learned that there was no direct threat in his actions, and it was impossible to bring any charges against him. She knew she had lost, and it felt even more violent than what she experienced as a married woman. Desperate to regain any control, she began looking for answers to her questions.

Why is he doing this?

When the narcissist feels abandoned, pain strikes him at his deepest vulnerable level. All the bravado and grandeur of narcissism is a cover for deep-seated insecurity that must be defended by any means necessary.

One of the reasons for his violent attacks is a sense of vulnerability, which is why the narcissist tries to strike first. It is as if he knocks down the victim, who is completely unprepared for this, and then exhausts her so that she is simply unable to retaliate.

How is it fed?

Narcissists need attention to survive. They even like it when a person is angry with them. If he can't get attention in person, he can always use social media. This puts the narcissist in the spotlight and feeds his ego. Just knowing that Shirley was losing his peace after being bullied and followed gave her ex-husband a new boost of energy to keep attacking. In the end, he was still the main object of her attention, albeit negative.

What is cyberbullying?

Simply put, cyberbullying is the use of bullying electronic devices and / or applications. These are usually repetitive, aggressive and deliberate comments that are difficult to defend against. For example: "You are an idiot", "You will never succeed" or "No one will take care of you." Comments are intended to hurt, embarrass, or irritate. These comments can be made in the public forum or through private messaging applications. Often, the perpetrator encourages others to engage in bullying in order to further intimidate the victim.

Why is this psychological abuse?

In fact, it can be emotional (fear, confusion, and anger), mental (confusion, distortion of the truth), verbal (offensive statements, name-calling, threats) and physical (harassment, intimidation, aggression) violence. The escalation level depends on the perpetrator and how far they go to harass their victim. Whatever the type, this violence is carried out in order to control the victim and their behavior, isolate them from friends and family, make them feel like this will never end, and make them feel dependent.

Could it get worse?

Yes, cyberstalking is an example of how things can evolve. This is a more intense form of cyberbullying, where electronic devices and / or applications are used to harass and intimidate a person. These can be false accusations, outrageous statements, threats or insults, combined with information gathering, location monitoring and on-the-spot surveillance of the victim.

At times, statements may sound harmless, such as “I didn't know you knew this person,” or “I hope you had a good time with your friends,” but to the victim, this is another sign of persecution. It is important to note that cyberstalking is considered a crime in many states, however, such an offense is very difficult to prove.

What happens to the victim?

In the above case, where the victim has already experienced other forms of violence in marriage, this is particularly frightening. The purpose of the divorce was to get away from the abuser, but now he has found another means of persecution. Often, the victim's self-esteem drops, suicidal thoughts, frustration, panic, depression, paranoia, or terror appear. Of course, this is exactly what the narcissist wants - so that the person who hurt him gets hurt.

What can be done?

The most important step is knowing what is happening and what might happen. Awareness of the various forms of cybercrime is very important to protect privacy. Shirley told several friends and family about what was happening to her. She asked them to take over all external contacts in order to limit the possibility of any communication with her stalker. When her ex realized that he was no longer getting her attention, he slowed down.

Things got better over time, and then a new aggravation happened when Shirley got married. But as soon as she regained her boundaries and refused to give her ex-husband any attention, he again stopped all attempts at contact.

See also: Revenge Porn 2.0, or How to protect yourself from the intrigues of the "former" in the era of gadgets

• Translation by Yana Tsyplakova
• By Christine Hammond
• pro.psychcentral.com/exhausted-woman/2019/09/narcissistic-abuse-cyberbullying-and-cyberstalking/