"Who Am I Really?" "I" And Self-attitude. Self-development, Restoration Of Deep Integrity - Self-development

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 20:18

Addiction, and equally codependency, is a disease in which the most central part of the personality, its core, is affected, and then the psychological integrity becomes as destroyed as the physical one. Chemical addiction is equally damaging to the body and psyche. This is due to the following reasons

Reason # 1

In part, the integrity of the personality is violated even before the direct development of chemical dependence, that is, actually before the formation of alcoholism, drug addiction (or another type of addiction). It is precisely this factor that becomes one of the reasons for the development of the disease.

Indeed, as long as the personality retains its integrity, while its central core is not affected, a person can cope with almost any stressful situation - there are enough internal resources to regulate his state. Then literally "miracles" can happen.

Thus, Viktor Frankl in his book Say Yes to Life describes his experience of being in concentration camps in Nazi Germany, including Auschwitz. He gives examples of how young and healthy prisoners "burned out" in a matter of days, when they lost their inner faith, integrity, what V. Frankl calls "the meaning of life" (and this is directly related to the integrity of the personality). And on the contrary, the weak and the sick survived until liberation if the inner core was preserved: then they endured any physical adversity.

… And I am sure that the destiny of every person, without exception, is high, no matter how mediocre or criminally in reality he did with his life.

Akunin-Chkhartishvili. "Another way"

As long as the inner integrity is maintained, a person can tolerate the most severe distress (negative stress). If it is violated, then the slightest adversity infuriates you, makes you lose support. Then there is a need for support outside - and "crutches" appear in the form of surfactants (psychoactive substances).

Thus, whatever the genetic predisposition, whatever the external stress, addiction begins to develop only when the inner integrity of the personality is violated.

In turn, the inner integrity of the personality is violated as a result of:

• systematic “wrong” education in a dysfunctional family - the so-called “developmental trauma”. For example, a child was humiliated, rejected … This happens in childhood, and then the ground is created for the development of addiction in the future;
• it can also be the result of trauma - some kind of traumatic event, for example, rape, assault, accident … This can happen at any age.

Reason # 2

Violation of the integrity of the core of the personality is aggravated as the disease progresses. There can be no so-called "safe use" that does not carry consequences - the body and mind are destroyed in parallel.

Therefore, one of the tasks facing specialists in working with addictive behavior is to restore the integrity of the personality. If the core of the personality regains integrity, then there is no need for use.

It is also important to work with the self-image. The self-image as a psychological construct consists of two components:

• from the idea of oneself (about one's body, character traits, feelings, principles …);
• and from self-attitude (what I am - good, bad …).

The dependent person's self-image is significantly distorted. His contact with his true self is lost (or even was never established at all). Therefore, he either does not know what he is and what he wants from life in general; or he has a so-called false self - it seems to him that he knows himself, but in fact his ideas about himself and about his desires do not correspond to reality. In the latter case, successes, achieved goals do not bring joy - after all, in fact, something completely different was needed.

An example is some representatives of show business who sought to make a career, and when they really became stars, for some reason they threw themselves out of windows or slowly killed themselves with drugs …

As for self-attitude, deep inside the addict sits a feeling of his "badness" and "unworthiness". This rejection of oneself gives rise to auto-aggression, which results, in particular, in the development of addiction. Any kind of addiction is a self-destructive, self-destructive pattern.

At the same time, self-dislike is usually compensated for by outwardly opposite manifestations - narcissism, demonstrative narcissism … This is formed as a defense as opposed to an internal rejection of oneself. In reality, the problem of a dependent person is not that he loves only himself (as it might seem from the outside) - the problem of a dependent person is that he does not even love himself.

Self-centeredness and self-love should not be confused. The addict is egocentric - his attention is focused on himself, as if the world revolved around him. At the same time, he has neither self-love nor self-acceptance … Example: one of our former patient, a drug addict, admitted that when he was in the hospital and walked past the consulting room, it seemed to him every time that at this moment the employees were talking about him, and they scold …

Therefore, it is not always clear from the outside - the self-esteem of the dependent person is overestimated or underestimated. The secret is that it is both overestimated and underestimated at the same time - two extremes replace each other, and both of them are manifestations of inadequate self-esteem.

Consequently, the tasks facing specialists:

• expansion of the conscious self-image,
• assistance in establishing contact with the true self, in awareness of the manifestations of the false self,
• formation of adequate self-esteem,
• increased self-acceptance.

Excerpt from the author's new book: "Dealing with Addiction and Codependency: Theory and Practice"