Table of contents:
- Childhood psychologist Stefanie Stahl offers an interesting way to protect yourself - to meet your inner child, who invariably accompanies us through life, and finally to deal with him like an adult. Agree that not everyone had a really happy and protected childhood, so we hide unpleasant memories and rough impressions in every possible way, but this is not a secret for the inner child
- How do you feel your inner child?
- From birth you are a bright star
- What is the Value of Being a Conscious Adult
- Work on bugs. Psychologist's recommendations
- Instead of output
Video: Talk To Your Inner Child And Become A Conscious Adult - Research, Self-development
Childhood psychologist Stefanie Stahl offers an interesting way to protect yourself - to meet your inner child, who invariably accompanies us through life, and finally to deal with him like an adult. Agree that not everyone had a really happy and protected childhood, so we hide unpleasant memories and rough impressions in every possible way, but this is not a secret for the inner child
How do you feel your inner child?
By the way, the inner child, according to the psychologist, can be gloomy or sunny, but he definitely leaves an imprint on our behavior and character, dictating his own rules. In this context, it is important to feel your child, understand and love.
Communication with a gloomy child and his difficult attitudes is often the most troublesome. To help Stefanie Stahl, he offers various psychological exercises that have a positive effect and contribute to both the displacement of negative experiences from childhood and the successful construction of personal defense strategies.
However, no less thorny, according to the scientist, will be the path of restructuring for those who have discovered a wayward sunny child, dependent on mood and hypersensitive.
The researcher immediately sets us up to move in work from gloomy to sunny child, and not vice versa. Many people know by themselves that sometimes their gloomy child with his strong feelings wins and takes control over thoughts, feelings and actions
Attitudes are often the cause of various life problems. No matter how complex these problems may seem at first glance, on closer examination you can see that they are based on a simple core. Finding it and changing it is the main task.
“An integral part of this work,” writes Stahl, “is the separation of the adult self within oneself from the gloomy child. They should not be constantly mixed in perception. With the help of the power of the adult mind, it is important to realize when the attitudes of the gloomy child are working. And the inner adult should help you understand that you would have different attitudes if your parents behaved differently or were different people. Your adult mind should realize that these small, meaningless sentences cannot express your value, they are only echoes of the parenting style.
A child comes into our world clean and defenseless, and when parents, even if they themselves do not want it, broadcast a signal to him that he does not mean anything, the child cannot resist this. It's not his fault."
From birth you are a bright star
This is the opinion of the popular psychologist Jens Korssen. If it is extremely clear to the inner adult that you are a bright star and cannot bear the blame for the behavior of your parents, then it remains to explain this to your gloomy child so that he too will realize this.
When a person carries a secret attitude "I'm not good enough!", He (unconsciously) tries very hard to refute it. And if he has already come to terms with the installation, he will do everything (also unconsciously) to confirm it.
A typical strategy to destroy this belief is, for example, perfectionism. In rare cases, perfectionism arises from a passion for something, but it mostly arises from an overwhelming sense of fear of rejection or failure. There are many people who, under the influence of their negative attitudes, try very hard to do everything right.
The scientist concludes that all life problems associated with self-participation go back to the problems of the gloomy child. If you want to get out of your children's program, that is, you want to become happy, then you have to admit that you are constructing reality based on the attitudes of your gloomy child.
Our feelings often seem so powerful and inevitable to us. And from childhood we get used to the fact that there is only one and only, namely our reality. Therefore, with full awareness, turn your attention to how strongly your attitudes affect feelings and how vast the scope of your defensive strategies in everyday life.
In the meantime, we have already realized that because of the strategies to protect our Shadow Child, we injure ourselves and sometimes those around us. Therefore, it is very important that we separate the gloomy child from the inner adult, then we will be able to better manage ourselves. This requires that every time we catch ourselves at the moment when the gloomy child appears and acts in order to "turn on" the mode of the inner adult in time.
What is the Value of Being a Conscious Adult
Dr. Stahl rightly states that the sunny child is an inner state that we all love. What exactly is it characterized by? First of all, it is the ability to completely surrender to what is happening here and now. A sunny child loves fun and pleasure, he is curious and spontaneous. He does not think about himself and loves himself as he is. He does not compare himself with other children, because his gaze is turned not to himself, but to the world around him. Therefore, he does not observe himself, does not think about what impression he will make on other children. He can spontaneously laugh loudly, jump, sing and enjoy life, but he also knows how to selflessly work and study.
New attitudes, higher values, awareness of our strength and capabilities should help us awaken a sunny child in ourselves. Both tasks are closely related to feelings and moods
“Life becomes much easier if you live it in high spirits,” says psychologist Jens Korssen. In high spirits, I am friendlier, wittier, kinder and more benevolent. And this not only contributes to the fact that I feel better, but also has a positive effect on everyone who is near me. If I'm in a bad mood, I react with irritation and aggressiveness, or I crawl into my sink and seal the door.
Stefanie Stahl invites you to get acquainted and master the techniques that will help you learn how to regulate perception, thoughts and feelings in order to be in the state of a reasonable inner adult as often as possible. It will be necessary to destroy negative experiences and attitudes, projections and distortions of perception that have arisen from them.
The goal is to achieve a state in which self-defense is not needed. In other words, you have to love yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the less you want to hide from the outside world. The more you understand yourself, the easier it will be for you to find a common language with yourself and other people - and those around you.
Work on bugs. Psychologist's recommendations
No human relationship can be perfect. We make mistakes and we are wrong. Therefore, treat your own shortcomings and the weaknesses of others with the greatest possible magnanimity. Aggression and pettiness harm, first of all, you yourself - they spoil your mood and burden interpersonal relationships. Speaking of mood, humor can help bring lightness and goodwill into interactions.
It is important to learn to take more care of yourself, to take responsibility for your well-being.
One of the biggest problems people have is that they don't know how to say no. They are afraid of not living up to the expectations of their environment. Such people want to do everything right and please everyone, the fear of being rejected guides their actions. This problem exists for everyone who uses the strategy of protection, adaptation. Exercise will help you overcome these contradictions.
Exercise "Let go of your feelings"
1. Close your eyes and feel how you feel right now. How your body feels. Watch your breathing. Pay your inner attention to your entire body. Just find out how it feels. Feel where the tension is. Send your attention to those parts of the body that are tense and constrained. Relax them by sending your breath there and deliberately releasing them.
2. Think about the problem you want to let go of. Feel how it is felt in your body. Presses? Pulls? Heart pounding? Are you holding your breath? Take it.
3. Imagine how you strengthen your defense strategy. If your defense strategy is perfectionism, imagine how you make everything even more perfect and perfect. If you react to your problems with detachment and denial, then imagine how you completely withdrawn into yourself and generally do nothing else. If you solve your problems by attacking and attacking, imagine yourself becoming even more aggressive. Feel how your body feels as you strengthen your defense strategy. Pressing harder in your chest? Pulls even more in the abdomen? Are you starting to sweat?
4. Now "breathe" this feeling into yourself and make the thoughts about your problem disappear. Drive them away. Feel only your body. Breathe long enough in the part of your body where negative feelings sit until they disappear. Feel what it feels like.
In the next step, you can write down strategies for success that you find especially important and that you would like to apply in your daily life.
Instead of output
Finding the optimal solution should not be limited to improving defense strategies. The goal should be behaviors that make you feel good about yourself and around others. So be proud of yourself and enjoy yourself when
- you are sympathetic to your gloomy child;
- defend your position (despite fear);
- standing up for someone (despite fear);
- you manage to distinguish reality from interpretation;
- you destroy your projections;
- stay with your arguments if there are no sufficient counterarguments;
- admit the rightness of the other if he is right;
- resolve the conflict openly and honestly;
- defend your beliefs and values;
- take responsibility for your feelings and behavior;
- you manage to get rid of the feeling of envy;
- really listening to someone attentively;
- accept a challenge that you previously avoided;
- enjoying life;
- you live openly and honestly.