Fake Toys: When The New Year Is Not A Joy - Quality Of Life, Society

On New Year's holidays, the anecdote about fake Christmas tree toys, which shine just like real ones, is more relevant than ever, but, unlike them, are not at all pleasing. Why, with age, the holidays are increasingly causing not fun, but melancholy and headaches?

Destruction of a fairy tale

In childhood, the expectation of a holiday is usually perceived as a fairy tale come to life. "Out of nowhere" a tree, tangerines and baked duck appear, parents are allowed not to sleep until midnight, and the magical Santa Claus brings real gifts!

Growing up brings a lot of disappointments: not only does Santa Claus not exist - it turns out that the quest “buy, cook, clean up, wrap up, dress up” takes so much energy that a single desire comes to mind under the chimes: to sleep. What kind of fairy tale is that ?!

The uneven distribution of reproductive labor plays a cruel joke on families: preparation for children's matinees and New Year's feast multiplies the household load, which, according to statistics, ¹ is mainly occupied by women.

This leads to accumulating irritation and petty quarrels for seemingly trifling reasons: forgotten ears from a hare costume, postponed cleaning "later", etc. The real reason for the heating atmosphere is the exacerbation of injustice: holidays are an opportunity to relax and have fun for everyone … except for those who prepare them.

Unfulfilled expectations

A specific feature of the New Year holidays is their mass character and a kind of “pre-holiday fever,” which seems to cover everyone from young to old. Already from mid-October, shops are filling the counters with shiny tinsel and red and white caps, young people and adults are making plans for where to spend New Year's Eve - from all sides the expectation of "the best night of the year" is pouring on us.

But the holiday often turns out to be not half as grandiose as its many weeks of anticipation drew it. And then it goes away altogether, leaving only a pile of dirty dishes, confetti trampled into the snow and a melancholy disappointment.

In addition, the New Year is endowed with a special meaning, a time when it is time to start a “new life”. Traditional toast: "Happy new happiness!" - as if it embodies the hope that with the change in the numbers on the calendar, the whole life will change - and, of course, only for the better, and preferably without any effort.

But a new year dawns, but the problems remain old, and our habits, fears and resources that determine the course of life do not change either - and we feel a little cheated.

Psychologists even have a special term - " post-holiday depression " ², meaning the launch of a reactive mental disorder due to acute experience of the discrepancy between "expectations and reality."

Social comparison

The feeling of melancholy and hopelessness, which covers on the eve of or during the holidays, may also be associated with the massive replication of the image of the “ideal” New Year on Internet resources, in advertising and cinema. Leafing through photos in social networks with touching children under Christmas trees or looking at a romantic scene with a kiss under the falling snow in the light of garlands, we involuntarily compare these images with a picture of our own life.

Studies show that comparisons of this kind are associated with emotional distress, increased anxiety and stress ³. The fact is that reality is usually strikingly different from the parading of someone else's happiness, and feelings that have already poisoned our lives - guilt for our own imperfect motherhood, resentment against parents or acute loneliness - fall on us with renewed vigor.

Things can go so far that the very symbols of the New Year, like painted balls or the smell of tangerines, begin to be associated with falseness and hypocrisy - and this is how the feeling of “fake” Christmas tree decorations arises.

How to bring back joy?

Knowing the reasons that "take away" our festive feelings, you can find a way to re-fill the winter holidays with pleasure and warmth. To do this, you just need to answer three simple questions:

1. What do you really want, without looking at your friends, children and relatives? Perhaps your greatest desire is to finally take a break from the endless household routine? Or see a friend living in another city? Or even spend this night alone with a glass of beer and a computer game?
2. How can you achieve what you want? Do not rush to answer “no way”: often what seems impossible at first glance is quite doable if you look for options. Maybe you can find a compromise in the form of a family trip to a restaurant, where nothing will need to be washed and cooked, and you can relax and enjoy the show program? Or send your household to visit, and just relax? Finding a solution is much easier if you clearly understand what you are looking for.
3. What will help you preserve and replenish your resource during the holidays? If you consider a long vacation as an opportunity to finally do things that you never got around to, what will make you feel happy? Maybe this is a great time to cleanse your social media feed of “exemplary successful” accounts that make you sad? Or watch the show, spending the whole day in bed? Or, on the contrary, is it time to arrange a mini-race around the guests and finally see your friends?

The New Year is an excellent reason to listen to yourself and understand what yours are - exactly yours, not socially imposed desires and pleasures

And if the practice of such "psychological hygiene" becomes a habit and becomes an ordinary part of life - perhaps there will be more room in it for that very - new - happiness?

Links:

1. Evstifeeva G. G. Gender structure of domestic labor in a city family // Regionology. - 2013. - No. 1 (82). - S. 93-96. - URL: cyberleninka.ru/article/n/gendernaya-strukturadomashnego-truda-v-gorodskoy-semie (date of access: 2.11.2019).
2. Rein N. A. Transformation of holiday functions in modern Russian culture // Culture, personality, society in the modern world: methodology, experience of empirical research. - Part 1. - Yekaterinburg, 2011. - 2011. - T. 1. - No. 14. - P. 418-422. - URL: elar.urfu.ru/bitstream/10995/48832/1/klo-2011_1_084.pdf (date accessed: 2.11.2019).
3. Garanyan N. G., Shchukin D. A. Frequent social comparisons as a factor of emotional maladjustment of students // Consultative psychology and psychotherapy. - 2014. - T. 22. - No. 4. - S. 182-206. - URL: psyjournals.ru/mpj/2014/n4/74189_full.shtml (date accessed: 2.11.2019).