Personal Opinions About Domestic Violence, Abusers And Victims. Part 2: What Is Violence And Why Does An Abuser Need It? - Society

What is violence and why does an abuser need it? Ironically, on this obvious issue, most victims have no understanding. As a result, they cannot assess the situation and do not know what to do

Violence is an impact on the body and psyche, subordinating the tasks and desires of the rapist. It is a basic evolutionary technique that establishes hierarchy

Some people have not gone too far from the animals. Instead of a harmonious family in their home, they build a monkey nursery. The abuser turns the victim into a manageable object, forcing them to abandon their self-esteem, from part of their rights in his favor.

See also: Personal opinions on domestic violence, abusers and victims.

• Part 1: on learned helplessness
• Part 3: the identity of the abuser
• Part 4: ring rules

His benefit is that he satisfies his own self-esteem and builds his life from the point of view of his ugly ideas. And, of course, if the victim obeys, this is an excellent level of control over others. So he appreciates his "work" very highly.

There are three types of situations

1. Fear of losing status

Objective situations when the rapist does not want to lose a resource - power over the life of another person, his dominant status in the family, artificially inflated value for family members, the right to say the “last word”, and finally, sex.

2. Compensation

The abuser compensates for his inner distress in the external world: business failures, inconsistency of his real status with expectations, disrespect for others, etc. He behaves like a monkey: the stronger one "broke" on him, he cannot take revenge on him and does the same with the weak, who turned up under the arm. Thus, he protects his psyche and his body from depression, heart attacks and strokes, oncology, etc. Instead of directing aggression inward, he directs it outward to the chosen victim.

3. Psychopathy

He is a psychopath, the only question is the degree of his desire to cross the line. The severity of a psychopath's life depends on the ability to violate the laws of human life, violence and rudeness is the way of his life. The more violence there is in a psychopath's life, the more fulfilling his life. Some psychopaths leave violence for their external activities - they dominate, seizing other people's businesses, killing opponents, having received a "license" from the state, fighting in the ring, breaking opponents in hockey and American football, without crossing the boundaries of what is permitted.

Abusers are those who have not found an opportunity to realize their desire for violence in a permitted way.

The role of the abuser

Abuser tried on the role of the dominant male. He arrogated to himself the right to punish and pardon. The rapist demonstrates with all his might that he is the center of the universe. He does everything to make those around him forget that he is just a monkey imagining himself, punching himself in the chest in front of a crowd of other monkeys before the tiger appears. But when the terminator appears, it will become clear to everyone that this animal rushing on a branch is not at all the master of the universe. Then everyone will try to forget the appearance of a real predator as soon as possible, and the reputation will be restored. Until next time.

The abuser is full of his own complexes, internal fears, he is vulnerable from the outside. And in 90% of cases, he is ready to give up his role as soon as it becomes dangerous or unprofitable.

The task of a person who finds himself in the position of a victim is to understand “where his button is” and how strong the support of the abuser by his environment is

See also: Personal opinions on domestic violence, abusers and victims.

• Part 1: on learned helplessness
• Part 3: the identity of the abuser