Abandoned Husbands Of Unfaithful Wives. About Love Behind Bars - Relations

Personality in the conditions of the zone changes enormously. A convicted person is constantly in constrained circumstances, and his behavior is determined almost exclusively by situational factors of adaptation to the conditions of imprisonment, regime, staff, and associates. Hence - the primacy of distrust in the famous existential triad: "Do not believe, do not be afraid, do not ask." So from a professional point of view, we have to deal almost exclusively with the mechanisms of adaptation. The sexual sphere is no exception

In the sphere of its “ceremonial” presentation, there is more boasting about their sexual exploits at large:

- A whole bus of Belarusian teachers walked with us in Poland for three days, and they all took turns to go to their rooms!

This I am already quoting the toothless Petrograd Mishan, with a strange combination for an uninformed person on the body of St. George's crosses near the collarbones and swastikas on the right forearm.

- You guys are unpretentious, as I can see! Three days of partying is enough for five years of memories.

A special section is real sex life. Pornography is ubiquitous. During searches every now and then they "otchmany" (take away) images of all kinds of beauties in a variety of poses.

I don’t know how much it helps to relieve stress, but at the mention of masturbation, most young people blush, and one outstanding prisoner of 63 years successfully did this at night in the toilet, where he was safely caught by the caretaker stunned with admiration:

- Well, the old man gives!

In the sphere of "interpersonal contacts" the well-known principle prevails, but it is poorly translated into censorship speech, which in an academic presentation sounds approximately like this: "He who does not engage in masturbation shows interest in homosexual relationships."

Against this background, the sphere of love and family is one of the few, if not the only one, in which manifestations of feelings reach the utmost sincerity.

Such stories unfold on the sly in the barracks, such passions are boiling!

- I can not live without her, I suffer! What should I do?

- Suffer.

- What is it like? - the guy, dumbfounded, asks, apparently expecting a full set of professional sympathy on my part.

- But like this! Suffer! Do you suffer from love?

- From love!

- Well, rejoice! What do people usually suffer from here? Someone wants to inject themselves, someone is blown away by a long term, someone just tired of living! And you, my dear, suffer from love! Got it?

- Got it! - the cheered prisoner answers and goes to the barrack.

So they love. They love passionately, selflessly, to the point of animal passion.

And a separate category is made up of the unfortunates indicated in the title, whose family life was broken by another conclusion. As they say, went to jail - change your wife.

Usually, it all starts with the fact that one of the relatives, more often a sister or mother, inform the "victim" about the tricks of his mistress. Less often, information comes from other convicts who know this family “by freedom”. The third, the simplest and rarest option is when the spouse herself informs about her intention to part ways or about the presence of a competitor and insists on “no longer bothering”.

In the first two cases, a reminder that any information coming “from the outside” should be “divided in two”, that is, rechecked, works well. I remember how one careless phrase in my mother's letter almost broke a good couple. And to collect it later in the conditions of availability of work with only one of the participants cost the psychologist considerable efforts.

And in prisoners, jealousy is one of two non-perverted ways of satisfying sex drive

Long dates once every three months don't count. So, of the two (the second method means masturbation) acceptable ways of manifesting the sexual instinct, jealousy is definitely the most explosive.

In the existence of a convict, brought to automatism, most of the thought processes either boil down to serving the simplest needs (“smoke, brew”), or get hung up on endless pondering of the incoming traumatic information (“There’s nothing to do anyway, so I’m twisting it all in my head, twisting … ").

An honest and civilized third communication option usually does not pose much of a threat. Since such messages are rarely unexpected, reactions to them are limited to traditional unflattering statements about the wife.

In the first two cases, the abandoned husband, like any normal man, begins to burn out from jealousy, rage, indignation and powerlessness to change anything. In the full sense, "hands are short," and the term is long.

At this stage, threats are usually heard: "I will go out - I will kill both" and "I will go out - I will kill her." Requests to help return the faithful are extremely rare and are mainly due to the presence of pathological forms of addiction.

So, one chronic alcoholic pounded the doorstep of all services with the demand to force his wife to return, or at least force her to come on a date to talk. He calmed down only after the impossibility of such actions on the part of the leadership of the colony in a raised voice explained to him by the deputy chief in the presence of a psychologist and three chiefs of the detachment.

This is what it means to compensate for the lack of caring maternal, as psychoanalysts would say, attention with the help of the colony leadership.

It should be borne in mind that in place of the broken affect there remains a feeling of resentment, offended manhood, guilt, and often helplessness, confusion, loneliness, which in the future will require mandatory psychotherapeutic intervention.

After carrying out, in the words of suicidologists, psychological intervention, a stage begins, the main task of which is to clarify the further plans of the "victim".

Practice shows that not all husbands, especially if they have children together, tend to break off relations with their unfaithful wives. The spouse who has cooled down after the first reaction most often begins to look for ways of reconciliation, primarily with himself. And here it is very useful to help him look at the situation from the opposite side.

The picture is most often very unsightly. A lonely young woman with two or three young children in her arms, very often without a fixed place of residence, without a means of subsistence, is once again thrown by her husband behind bars in the care of, at best, the closest relatives.

In a similar situation, the questions are:

- And she has something to feed her children?

- Where does she live?

- Is it her fault that you sat down? - plunge the jealous into despondency.

A disturbed sense of guilt, I emphasize, real guilt, quite effectively opposes offended manhood. Now the main thing is not to go too far and not drive the person into a psychological corner.

A proven way out of this situation on the basis of the established “parity of guilt of the parties” is to move towards reconciliation and forgiveness.

An effective argument in favor of such a choice is the presence of uninterrupted correspondence with the spouse.

“You see, she’s writing to you, so she doesn’t want to divorce you. And women clearly share: "This man is for health, and this is mine, dear and beloved."

Here the myth, once successfully launched by someone in the zone, comes to the rescue that a woman, if she does not have sex for more than six months, "necessarily begins to hurt like a woman." (Indeed, it was difficult to find a more waiting, more favorable soil for instilling such a conclusion.)

After a sense of justice, heightened among the convicts, has been put into action, one can proceed to argumentation that is addressed to common sense:

- Whom can you find for yourself? With your biography? And here is your woman with your children.

You can connect paternal feelings:

- Who needs your children besides you?

Start rebuilding your shaky self-esteem:

- Who will take a woman with three children in our time? Who needs it, besides you, by and large? You tied her to you for a long time as children. Then add a little developmental psychology:

- Your children will soon begin their adolescence. It will be difficult for their own father to cope with them, and they may not perceive the adopted one at all. You remember yourself at their age.

And, as a rule, there is something to remember: most of the clients are from dysfunctional families, grew up with a stepfather (or stepfathers), dropped out of school early or went to a special school, ran away from home, later began to smoke "weed", then inject drugs.

So, as practice shows, in most cases it is possible and necessary to keep a family, at least for professional reasons. It is much easier to endure the hardships of serving a sentence if a person has a connection with freedom.

Good intentions inside out

Peter, at 32, has been convicted twice. Previously, he was married and lived with his wife Olga in his parents' apartment. A son was born, money was constantly lacking, quarrels and scandals began. Then Peter first went “to work,” as he explains, to raise his son. Together with friends, they robbed a commercial kiosk at night and were immediately caught. Peter received a two-year suspended sentence. Olga first moved to live with a friend, but then returned, she felt sorry for her unlucky husband, and her mother-in-law helped well with the housework.

Peter's second attempt to get rich quickly turned out to be fatal. They robbed a posh Mercedes. While Peter was serving three years in a strict regime colony, his son grew up, Olga graduated from high school and got a job as a salesman in a fashion boutique. Under the patronage of his classmate lover. No matter how hard Peter tried to get his wife back, she flatly refused to come to visit him, and after his release she forbade him to communicate with her son.