Anxiety! What To Do If You Are Worried Right Now - Self-development

You have an important presentation, exam, or your dissertation defense coming up. Or maybe you need to talk to your best friend about something that really bothers you. Or the boss called for a serious conversation. In general, something awaits you that makes you nervous

Whatever the upcoming business, task or situation, it seems to you that anxiety seems to be spreading through your veins. And it's a huge, overwhelming and dramatic experience. The only thing you can dream of at this moment is for this feeling to stop. This is understandable, because anxiety is very uncomfortable. Who likes to feel this way?

According to family therapist Kimberly Quinlan, "Anxiety tends to be associated with what we value most in our lives." It often occurs in our relationships with family and friends, and in situations where we are forced to face our fears. For example, before a flight or before a report at work.

Many of Sheva Rajai's clients, the founder of the Anxiety and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Center, she said, “worry about situations they fear will cause social rejection. For example, they are worried that they may screw up something important and will look askance at them. Or that some actions would make them unworthy of love in the eyes of other people, even to the point of being banished from the community.

More often than not, when anxiety arises, we undertake completely ineffective coping methods that actually only amplify and nourish it. We avoid the disturbing situation, but this neutralizes our anxiety only in the short term, so that then only deeper rooted it. We try to suppress worrying thoughts, but “the more we try not to think about something scary, the more we really think about it,” says Quinlan.

We go through all possible outcomes and scenarios according to which events may develop. And it only increases the chances of creating catastrophic pictures in our head, which pulls us back into a spiral of more and more anxiety."

According to Christine Bianchi, PhD, clinical psychologist, “we can ask others for support over and over again, get frustrated, make statements like 'I can't.' Or trying to “hide” from impending events - for example, telling the sick not to go to school or work, to avoid a potentially stressful interaction or task. Cancel the appointment with the doctor or ask others to “cover” us (for example, lie for us about the reason for not attending a birthday party)."

If these strategies don't help but only increase our anxiety, what might work?

According to Quinlan, “The main thing to know about anxiety is a normal human experience. Both fear and anxiety should have a place in our life."

Below you will find helpful ideas, practices, and tools for dealing with anxiety.

Change your view of anxiety

When we view our anxiety as “bad,” “dangerous,” or “unwanted,” we increase our own sense of danger. Instead, try to perceive your fear as something else, such as “discomfort,” which is bearable and temporary. You can even put a note in your wallet or bag with this reminder phrase.

Practice acceptance and kindness

Acceptance involves allowing the present moment to be what it is, without trying to change or manipulate it. Try to mentally speak directly to your anxiety.

Instead of saying, “Go away. I hate you, anxiety.”You can experiment and say something else, for example,“Oh, hello, anxiety. I see you are back. I know you want me to run away right now, but instead, let's go get some groceries together. I need to buy milk and eggs."

Show yourself compassion, it helps to instantly calm physiological reactions, as it reminds us of the caring attitude of a significant adult or any other loving and loved loved one.

Tell yourself something like, “I know you feel very anxious, you’re very scared right now,” or, “I know you really wanted this to work out, I’m sorry that it didn’t go as planned.” …

Slow down your breathing

It helps to calm our body's response to stress. Try the following breathing exercise: inhale through your nose for four to six seconds, hold your breath gently for one to two seconds, and then exhale through your mouth for four to six seconds. Breathe out slowly and calmly, imagining that you are blowing fluff from a dandelion or blowing bubbles.

Take deep belly breaths, relax your muscles, and allow your body to assume a “safe” position instead of a threatening one. This will send a signal to your brain that you are safe.

Move

It is well known that exercise releases endorphins, which, in turn, not only help us feel calmer, but also contribute to improved concentration, mental clarity, mental flexibility, and creativity. Therefore, if you are able, consider doing any kind of cardio workout, such as exercising on a machine or brisk walk. Plus, having the ability to move around in nature will be even more beneficial.

Allow yourself to worry

If you are feeling anxious, an effective strategy can be to “welcome” your concern. First, it is the emergence of new opportunities instead of the feeling of helplessness that regularly visits you when anxiety arises. Second, the main goal in managing anxiety is to always make decisions based on values and beliefs, not fear.

What does an alarm greeting actually look like? It's about letting the scary thoughts that you usually struggle with attack you - no matter how scary or weird they are. Allow unpleasant physical sensations to manifest, while constantly reminding yourself that they will not harm us and will go away over time. Surrender to your anxiety, and it rushes in and leaves like a wave.

Become a curious observer

Try to become inquisitive and open-minded, like Nikolai Drozdov, a Buddhist monk or landscape painter. In other words, mark and name exactly what it is you are experiencing when you worry, without judgment. For example, you might say, "I notice my heart is pounding, I think I will fail and be humiliated."

When we name things and phenomena, language forces us to use areas of our brain that are associated with rational, logical thought processes. This can help us distance ourselves a little from the disturbing thoughts we have and react somewhat less intensely to the unpleasant physical sensations associated with anxiety.

Cheer yourself up

Remind yourself that you can withstand difficult and even excruciatingly anxious times. Come up with reassuring statements, memorize them, and use them in stressful situations.

Here are some examples: “Courage is not what I feel; this is what I do when I am afraid "," I am able to do difficult things "," I am stronger than my fear "," If my anxiety speaks, it does not mean that I should listen."

Get help

If your anxiety transcends stressful situations and extends to work, relationships, and other areas of your life, feel free to seek help. Fortunately, chronic anxiety that interferes with a person's functioning responds well to treatment with cognitive behavioral therapy. Find a therapist who uses CBT or another evidence-based approach.

The most important thing to know about anxiety is that it is temporary and will pass

The key is to let the waves of anxiety rise and fall naturally. And while we cannot control the waves, we can learn to be a nimble seafarer. When we stop fighting, resisting, and trying to change the natural rise and fall of anxiety, we create a healthier relationship with her and can let her pass through us more easily.

It takes practice and can seem very difficult at first - and it may be really difficult the second, third, and tenth time. But it will get easier. Just give yourself a chance (and chances) to try.

• Author: Margarita Tartakovski
• Translation by Yana Tsyplakova