Why Will Your Work With A Psychologist Be Ineffective? 4 Obvious Mistakes - Society

After your independent attempts to solve the problem failed, reading articles and watching videos on the Internet did not help either, the advice of friends and acquaintances turned out to be useless, you increasingly often wonder: "Should I go to a psychologist?"

While this is certainly a good rational idea, its implementation may disappoint you. Your expectations from working with a psychologist may not come true. And not at all because an incompetent specialist comes across, such an option is possible, but we are not considering it yet. The desired results may not be obtained for a number of reasons related to you. And it is important to deal with this, and preferably on the shore, in advance.

Mistake # 1

You expect changes after the first consultation

It is difficult to say exactly where this expectation came from, but many people believe that a one-time meeting with a psychologist will lead to dramatic changes: getting rid of a long-term problem, changing character traits, restructuring long-standing habitual patterns of behavior. It is even surprising that an adult intelligent person can expect that he will enter the psychologist's office as one person and leave the other.

For example, you are hot-tempered, impulsive, irritable, you see how these traits harm you and your relationship, you want to get rid of them or at least smooth them out, learn to manage your emotions. This is a great intention! And you expect that such changes are possible in an hour of communication with a specialist? Unfortunately no. It will take a conscious, purposeful effort of you over a long period of time - that's the only way. There are no miracles.

Moreover. The first meeting with a psychologist is introductory. At the initial consultation, you will tell about yourself, your difficulties, the desired results, answer additional questions from the psychologist, ask him yours, agree on further work - and that's all. The psychotherapy will begin later.

Therefore, it is unrealistic to expect big changes from one visit. Correct your ideas, adjusting to more or less long-term work, depending on the nature of your problem and the methods used by the specialist.

Mistake # 2

You think a psychologist will solve your problems

“I came and paid a lot of money - now let the psychologist solve my problems!” Some clients think so. If you also think so, you will be upset: the psychologist will not solve your problems.

When you visit the dentist, your task is to sit with your mouth open, and the doctor will do the rest. Psychological work happens in a fundamentally different way. Even the most ingenious psychologist cannot take and remove your anxious thoughts, complexes coming from childhood, reboot character traits, "screw in" new effective models of behavior. Only you can change something in yourself, and a specialist can help you based on his knowledge, experience and skills.

During consultations, you will have to work hard, actively participate in the process: think (perhaps in an unusual direction), look for answers (perhaps for new questions for you), remember (perhaps not the most pleasant events in your life). Moreover, you will have to do your "homework", that is, try to apply in your life everything that you have worked out with the psychologist in the office. And no one will do this for you either. Do not want? Nobody forces you. Just do not be surprised later that for some reason the desired results are not visible.

Mistake # 3

You do not come to consultations regularly, but "how it goes"

When you want to improve your fitness and buy a gym membership, then you understand that you need to train regularly, otherwise there will be no result. It is obvious. For some reason, many people believe that you can come to a psychologist whenever you want: this time - in a week, next - in two or three weeks, then - how it goes.

Such a haphazard approach practically guarantees low efficiency of psychological work. In the same way as in fitness classes, a positive result will only be with regular work. As a metaphor, imagine you want to boil water. If you put the kettle on the stove, then remove it, then put it back on, the water will never boil.

Most often, you will have to come to consultations once a week, on the same day, at the same time, about which you agree with the psychologist at the first meeting. This is not a whim of a specialist, but a proven optimal frequency of consultations. Of course, it also happens in a different way: for example, at the very beginning of work, meetings occur more often, then a clear frequency is established, and then the interval between consultations can be increased. All this is discussed and done by mutual decision. However, the consistency of psychological work is a necessary condition.

Mistake # 4

You are silent and endure when you are uncomfortable

In the process of working with even the most wonderful psychologist, you will sometimes feel uncomfortable. You might get the impression that you talk a lot and the specialist speaks too little. Emotional support may not be enough for you, or, on the contrary, there is a lot of it, but there are not enough specific recommendations, practical tasks.

This is normal. A psychologist is not a telepath, he knows how to capture the client's state, but to a certain extent. Telling him that you are not well is your responsibility. This communication is called feedback, and it is a necessary part of psychotherapy. A competent specialist will certainly ask you to give him feedback, and there is no need to be ashamed and suppressed if something does not suit you.

The psychologist will not be offended or upset when he learns what it is about working together that you dislike. On the contrary, he will be grateful to you and make the necessary corrections to work with you, or explain why he does exactly what he does.

If there is no feedback from you, then the negative will accumulate. As a result, you either simply quit the work halfway, or continue it, but through internal resistance, which will greatly reduce efficiency. Therefore, freely, calmly talk about what you do not like - and continue to cooperate