The First Love Of A Teenager. How Not To Become A Montague And A Capulet - Society

The first tooth, the first word, the first step … Everything that happens to a person for the first time is painted with a bright color. Here is the first love - a special, unique feeling. And if it comes to a teenager, then it is a natural continuation of the complex psychophysiological changes occurring with him

Adolescence is growing up, hormonal changes, a thirst for independence. And the key with which love penetrates into the heart of a teenager is not decisive - unrequited or mutual, happy or unhappy, open or secret. Memories of the first feeling in any case will remain bright, because this is the end of childhood - a time when the sun is dazzlingly bright and ice cream is unusually tasty.

Love comes to us sometimes is not the same

The moment has come when your child has fallen in love. He has a choice: to open up to the source of his mental anguish or to love "from afar", "on the sly". There are brave teenagers, tuned in to a favorable outcome of their confession, who may have caught the response signals from the object of their adoration. And then they immediately open up to the object of passion.

But not every person, even an adult, let alone a child of yesterday, will find the courage to open his soul to his beloved. It can be from self-doubt, natural shyness, character. And of course, from the fear of being rejected

For a teenager, the threat to peace of mind is not only the fact that he will not be reciprocated, but also the fear of being exposed for public discussion, becoming a source of ridicule or backbiting. And if suddenly this happens, there is an acute desire to disappear, to “evaporate”. As a consequence, there is a danger of suicide. In such a situation, adult participation is important. Better - parents.

But if a relationship of trust has not been established with dad and mom, or they do not consider the situation worthy of attention, another adult will do. We need a person who can speak as equals, without slipping into edification or lisping. Which will support in an acute emotional moment and offer a direction for sublimation (transfer of psycho-emotional energy to another channel): sports, creativity, intensive study. A psychologist, in particular a school one, is quite suitable for the role of such an adult.

Secret love (when it is impossible to trust a loved one) and unrequited, “unhappy” love can become that traumatic factor that will negatively affect a person's entire life, including when choosing partners. But only if the teenager does not have the opportunity to "get sick" (suffer and gain experience) with this unhappy feeling at puberty with a sober adult accompaniment (parents / adequate adults / psychologist).

For the same reason - the lack of the opportunity to "suffer", to get the necessary emotional experience - the lack of a feeling of love in adolescence is negative. The inability to torment, to think about another person is the inability to open up to another person, on the one hand, and take responsibility for him, on the other. Let's not forget that teenage falling in love is a springboard for readiness for emotional intimacy, for maturity in future relationships.

Atomic Sense

The opposite situation is mutual love. It would seem, what to discuss here? But even here it is not without problems. The biggest challenge for adolescents is the parents' attempts to influence the situation. The most common variant: parents, "wishing well" to their child, try to protect him from the wrong choice, to prevent his suffering. The other extreme is not to take seriously the child's choice, not to consider his feelings worthy of attention. Beaten: "How many of them will you have - these Mashes / Vit ?!" It will not hurt parents to turn to their own experience, remember that such Masha / Vit have never existed and never will! Because she / he is that very first, bright, exciting, most memorable, meaningful love.

It is likely that this is just love for the image that exists in the mind of a teenager and that has little to do with a specific person endowed with cute features. But it is precisely this image and sensations that he will carry through his whole life and will fondly remember through the years. Do not discount the fact that (rarely, but still happens) families grow out of teenage crush. Therefore, it is extremely thankless to devalue the experience of teenage love. But it is quite possible to lose parental authority in the eyes of a teenager, or at least undermine him by such actions.

Early proximity

This is what adults often fear most when discussing teenage love. There are different opinions on this matter. Some experts believe that adolescents are extremely interested in physical intimacy as a result of raging hormones - up to the substitution of the word "love" for the concept of "sex". Other psychologists argue that adolescents are not as interested in sex as the media portrayed them. More precisely, they are certainly interested in this topic, but interest in this case is not identical with the desire to immediately enter into close relationships.

Intimacy is important for adolescents as a continuation of emotional contact, acceptance, just as in childhood, hugs with their parents gave a sense of security. So, according to E. Spranger, there is a difference between sexuality - experiences based on bodily (sensory) stimuli, and erotic experience, which is a mental form of love and is of an aesthetic nature.

These experiences for the adolescent - you can call them "pure love" and "bodily desire" - are sharply separated from each other. But their consistency is a "symptom of maturity." Which presupposes some restraint before rushing into all bad. An increased interest in sex arises in adolescents as a result of the lack of adequate information from adults. Both excessive taboo and too free attitude to the topic of sexual relations lead to a surge of interest on the part of adolescents, pushing them to "eat the forbidden fruit."

Parental Anxiety and Problem Solving

• Vulnerability of a teenager in love for others - both for the object of love and for other persons - is attention and respect on the part of parents, non-interference in matters of the heart.
• An obvious misalliance in a relationship, the result of a low self-esteem of a teenager who is ready to be content with what is offered to him in a relationship, is an increase in the child's self-esteem, parental support.
• Negativism, alienation, the desire to go against it, the product of attempts on the part of parents to influence the personal relationships of the child, no matter what is dictated - the lack of advice without a request, the inadmissibility of criticizing the object of love, showing respect for the feelings and choice of the child, removing an edifying tone from speech, the organization (if possible / desired) of acquaintance with the object of love - unobtrusive, delicate, a manifestation of a wise decision not to judge by the cover (for example, according to information from social networks).
• Unhappy love that a teenager is unable to experience without outside help (here - the lack of experience of first love) - work with a psychologist.
• Potential negative consequences of early sexual intercourse: STDs, early pregnancy, substitution of the concepts of "sex" and "love" - a frank conversation with the child about intimate relationships, responsibility and methods of contraception.

But the most important thing is not to forget behind all the worries that the first love of a teenager is a necessary crisis period in his life, through which there is a change of priorities, a reassessment and the formation of values. And this is an important stage on the way to an independent adult life.