Who Are “daffodils” And How To Get Along With Them At Work - Image

There is a belief that narcissistic personalities are much more successful than typical personalities, despite the fact that the latter can be objectively more talented and capable. Let's see what the secret of the former's success is. Maybe elementary arrogance helps them to open any doors, or does the narcissistic type have real features in the “basic configuration” of the personality, which greatly distinguish him from simply capable colleagues?

"Wikipedia" says that narcissism is a character trait, consisting in excessive narcissism and overestimated self-esteem, in most cases, does not correspond to reality. And overestimated self-esteem is known to be based on unhealthy positions of the ego. So can you say that the narcissist is a person with a rocking ego? In my opinion, no. And it is important to distinguish "narcissists" from simply people with a swayed ego, because the difference between these two personality types is significant.

"There is no one kinder than a narcissist as long as you live by his rules …"

Elizabeth Bowen, Anglo-Irish writer

How to recognize a narcissist?

When it comes to a pure narcissist, the distinctive features of his character and behavior are:

• a sense of superiority over other people. Always and everywhere he will feel himself superior to others at least a head;
• the narcissist is convinced of his uniqueness and exclusivity of his abilities and talents;
• high rigidity in feelings. Failure to display human qualities such as empathy and compassion;
• the absolute conviction that everyone around him envies him. According to the classics of the psychological genre, he himself often shows envy of others;
• manic thirst for success and unhindered movement towards it.

And on this last point, opinions about daffodils may differ, for many are inclined to believe that daffodils are, by and large, ambitious only in words. In reality, they are “soap bubbles”. The inflated conceit is virtually unsupported.

The polarizing opinion about narcissists lies in their objective success. And the higher the level of narcissism, the greater the success. In fact, both take place in life. A striking example of the second option, for example, is the well-known comrade Samokhvalov from the movie "Office Romance". And his narcissism was backed up by those achievements. But the first variant of personality is more likely a "under-narcissist". And here we are talking to a greater extent just about people with a simply swayed Ego. Let's call such Ego-I conditionally.

Swinging Ego

The difference between these individuals lies in the level of action. The narcissist feels great at this level, although he cannot always boast of brilliant results, but the Ego-I, as a rule, juggles loudly only with words. The narcissist knows how to masterfully bend under someone, not at all considering the process beneath his dignity. After all, you need to bend over to the right, the right person - and, of course, not just like that, but in the name of great goals. The ability to get things done by any means is one of the main behavioral patterns of the narcissist. It will be extremely difficult for a person with the Ego-Self to "twist" like that. He has no transcendental ambitions and goals, therefore, motivation leaves much to be desired. But the main thing is that he is weak in strength of mind and will.

This is where the strong dissonance between expectations / aspirations for life and the level of personal responsibility for achieving the goal appears. The ego-I is for the most part strong in "snorting", uttering diagnoses behind people like "Who is he anyway ?! I will not go to him and I will not talk to him! " This is where the whole ebullient activity of the Ego-I ends. And, as a rule, he remains in the position of the second violin, while regularly criticizing this place as unworthy of his glorious personality.

The narcissist doesn't just put himself above others. For the narcissist, overestimated self-esteem is a kind of self-identification, an integral part of himself, as well as the main leitmotif of his entire life, often carrying him at full steam to his cherished dreams and goals.

And, indeed, why would he remain on the sidelines, if he sincerely believes that he is the coolest? "According to your faith, it will be given to you" - biblical wisdom, which carries echoes of the basic principles of psychology. By the way, Sigmund Freud believed that some narcissism is an integral part of any person from his very birth, and was the first to use this term in psychology.

And Andrew Morrison argued that for an adult, a reasonable amount of healthy narcissism allows him to balance meeting his needs in relation to those around him. That is, we see that one and the same trait can be developed into both a beautiful dignity and an unattractive disadvantage.

If a colleague or boss is a narcissist

Since narcissists rarely change, this should be accepted by others as a fact, although it can really greatly complicate the life of the collective. A person with an Ego-I in this regard is much more harmless: he will snort and calm down. Narcissists are a different story. Such employees are extremely unpredictable in their manifestations and caution in relations with them will not hurt.

• First, they can calmly exploit others for their own ends, cold-bloodedly devalue their colleagues.
• Secondly, it is not environmentally friendly to show anger, it is easy to violate other people's boundaries, stubbornly not to admit your mistakes.
• Third, masterfully shift responsibility to others. And whether you turn out to be this “other” or not is a real lottery if you have a narcissist in your team. But this can be dealt with. In order to pacify or prevent the destructive manifestations of the narcissist in your personal field, you need … just learn more about him. After all, as you know, knowledgeable means armed.

The deepest need of the narcissistic personality is the need for recognition. Through all his actions, the narcissist wants to achieve only one thing - to feel more significant. And, oddly enough, this pattern of behavior is based on self-doubt.

Somewhere out there, in the depths of the soul, each daffodil is a fragile and delicate flower that is trying with all its might to preserve the main and only value - its self-esteem, wounded in distant childhood. More than anything, he is afraid not to live up to expectations, which means to question his confidence in his worth. First of all, in front of yourself.

Psychological recommendations

If you were forced to work with a narcissist, the recommendations are simple.

1. Sincerely praise this person for real (!) Achievements, do not be afraid of compliments, notice his merits. Communication with a narcissist must be built on a positive foundation, otherwise he may see a threat to his importance even where it does not exist.

2. Do not skimp on attention to his person, do not ignore requests, otherwise you can cause anger and create a conflict from scratch.

3. Be on the alert, you can expect anything from this person, including a set-up. Forced to share your idea with him? Invite a third person to attend. This will help you keep your copyright in a slippery situation.

4. It is possible to educate a narcissist, but it should be done very wisely, after gaining favor and trust. All appeals to him always begin the same way - through praise: “You performed great, everyone listened with open mouth! True, you know … perhaps what was said in passing about that manager was unnecessary. She could be offended and shut herself off from the perception of important information from you, and this can interfere with the successful implementation of the project. " In general, the "carrot and stick" method is good for the narcissist if used correctly.

5. You can verbally help to relieve his inner tension, making it subtly understand that there are no perfect people and nothing of the kind is expected from him either. It is important to talk not specifically about him, but in the context of the entire team. If the narcissist is under your command, you can try to play with his position in the company. For example, transfer to a position that implies more communication not with the team, but with incoming clients. Of course, serving it under the sauce of a promotion or assigning him a responsible task.

6. If the situation begins to get out of control and the narcissist begins to crush it for himself, then, perhaps, there is only one way out - to leave. As a last resort, it will be difficult to think of anything else. With prior warning, of course. Maybe more than one. Sometimes parting with an employee who has become too difficult to work with is a better solution than a constant futile search for a compromise.

Is balance possible?

Of course, it is possible, I will not be mistaken, if I name… charisma as the reverse healthy side of the medal called “narcissism”. We are talking about a bright personality who is in the center of attention and strides towards success by leaps and bounds, but does it ecologically, on the basis of healthy internal energy, which is always attractive to any environment, including the work collective.

Each narcissist can develop such qualities in himself, provided there is a strong and stable desire for internal change