"I'm Not Guilty!" 5 Ways To Learn To Admit Your Mistakes - Self-development, Society

Failure to admit your mistakes can lead to relationship problems and make personal growth difficult. We will show you how to learn how to keep your ego in check

It's okay to be proud of yourself. Pride can help us cope with difficult situations and is a manifestation of the certain level of self-confidence we need in our personal and professional lives. However, there is a fine line between healthy self-confidence and stubborn self-esteem. One of the main indicators that you have crossed this line is the inability to admit that you are wrong.

“At its most primitive level, the ego can be defined as 'self-esteem or self-worth,'” says American neuropsychologist Sanam Hafiz. "If self-centeredness dominates in us, then we must definitely emerge victorious from any dispute, be it in a family quarrel or in a stupid discussion about which film should be given an Oscar."

If we cannot admit that we are wrong - in both serious and minor things - this can create real problems for us. This inability can darken the closest relationships and become a stumbling block to our personal growth. Why is it so difficult for us to "push" our ego and admit our mistakes? How can we learn to do this for the common good?

Why is it so hard to admit a mistake

One of the reasons why some of us do not know how to admit our mistakes is the elementary inability to be aware of our actions. This problem can haunt us in all areas of life and throughout life, and can create a "blind spot" only in certain situations. In the end, if a person simply does not understand that he is wrong, it is impossible for him to admit his mistake.

However, in other cases, a person may realize that he is wrong - partly or completely - but nevertheless refuses to admit his guilt, because he values his ego very much.

“For some people, admitting that they are wrong poses too much of a threat to their self-esteem because it causes embarrassment, shame, guilt, and possibly challenges their self-image,” says Dr. Keith Kaplan, a licensed clinical psychologist. "As a result, people resort to overcompensation, denying they made a mistake, or claiming that it was not their mistake, thereby protecting their image of themselves."

This process is called cognitive dissonance. It represents the unconscious defense system that many of us use to shield our ego. “People who have trouble admitting mistakes,” says Dr. Kaplan, “even if they are aware of them at some level, are often concerned that if there is any imperfection in their actions, it will be evidence of some serious flaw. Recognizing such imperfection will make them feel weak, unable to please others, and perhaps just bad people. Deep down, they often fear losing the respect of others or ruining relationships."

How a stubborn ego can affect your world

In other words, saying, “Yes, I did the wrong thing, I'm sorry” can be scary. However, stubborn denial of mistakes frustrates our friends, colleagues, family members and partners. This behavior causes people to stay away from us and causes our isolation. It also makes personal growth difficult.

“At the heart of the refusal to admit one's own mistakes is a fragile ego. Therefore, when loved ones begin to turn away from us, it looks like a self-fulfilling prophecy: we receive confirmation that we cannot be loved, says Dr. Kaplan. - This reinforces the pattern of denial and the psychological defenses we are used to. Without admitting a mistake, we often do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable, because this would mean giving up our psychological defenses that protect our ego from any threats."

When a person consistently avoids vulnerability, explains Dr. Kaplan, they become internally attached to feelings of shame, guilt and fear, and over time this affects their mental health, leading to depression or anxiety.

Conversely, “admitting our mistakes demonstrates to those around us that we have compassion, empathy, sympathy and can hear others. It also becomes obvious that we are able to be objective about ourselves and do not consider ourselves “perfect” and right in everything."

Admitting our flaws allows others to see our vulnerability and even instills in them love for us. It opens up for us the possibility of meaningful dialogue, which means personal growth and greater openness in relationships.

5 ways to improve on admitting your mistakes

Dr. Kaplan says that humans have a unique ability to self-reflect. We are all born with this ability. Consequently, each of us has the ability to accept responsibility for our mistakes. Some people do not pay attention to the development of this ability or grow up in such an environment that protecting their ego is a priority for them.

With practice, each of us can develop the ability to admit mistakes. Here's where to start:

1. Look for excuses in human nature. Dr. Kaplan recommends memorizing the following mantra and repeating it in situations where we feel we have resistance to admitting our mistake: “I can admit that I am wrong because I am human. All people make mistakes. Despite this, they will still love me. "
2. Introduce yourself. Make a list of your weaknesses and ask yourself the following questions: “Why am I afraid of being vulnerable?” “Do I have patience?” “Do I have anger problems?” “Am I too jealous?”, “Do I feel that something threatens me?”,“Am I not selfish?”,“What role did I play in a recent dispute?”,“How did my actions affect those I care about?”.
3. Ask for feedback. If you find it difficult to admit your mistakes to yourself, you should contact your loved ones, those who can provide support, care about you and are ready to help. While you may feel that putting yourself in such a vulnerable position is too much, remember that the result can be the acceptance and deep emotional contact that you so badly need.
4. Be open to criticism. In cases of "blind spots" or when you are not aware that you are doing wrong, it is important to hear others when they express their frustration or accuse us of something. Dr. Hafiz says: "This skill involves the ability to turn off emotions and look at what is happening objectively and from the point of view of another person."
5. Find a therapist. Therapy can be a powerful stimulus for personal growth. “Typically, people who have undergone psychotherapy develop the skill of introspection and awareness of their weaknesses and fears,” says Dr. Hafiz. This process forms a level of introspection that the average person cannot achieve through their own efforts.

• By Wendy Rose Gould
• Translation by Kiril Melamud