Emotional Cheating. Why Partners Drift Apart - Relations

You have begun to notice that your significant other is increasingly late after work or spends a lot of time on social networks. Later, you will learn about the person your partner is communicating with. When asked, he / she replies: “It's just a friend / colleague. There is nothing between us. " It sounds like you are facing emotional betrayal

Innocent prank or betrayal?

"Emotional cheating" can be perceived differently by men and women, but still they agree on one thing. Emotional betrayal is “when the heart goes to another,” “conversations with someone about the innermost,” “she or he often does not correspond with me,” etc. That is, your partner seeks understanding and sympathy in the eyes of another person, and you know nothing about his problems and worries.

More and more people are thinking about whether "Internet flirting" can be considered a betrayal? Some are inclined to believe that for their partner this is just entertainment, the main thing is that it does not develop into "virtual sex" or real betrayal. Some people think: "Work up your appetite on the side, but always have dinner at home." Others perceive "internet flirting" as an insult and betrayal.

Today, when everyone has a smartphone at hand, it is not necessary to leave the house to change your soulmate. The Internet is a place of temptations that not everyone can handle, especially those who are not satisfied with something in a relationship

In addition to the Internet, outside work can be a place to build “close emotional relationships”. It is there that a person spends a quarter of his time, and this implies the creation of strong social contacts. There is nothing wrong with communicating with colleagues, it is another matter if a person of the opposite sex appears among your new acquaintances, with whom your significant other spends too much time.

When is it time to be alert?

1. Withdrawal. You talk less and less, and if this happens, it is mainly about everyday topics. If earlier you discussed the events that happened during the day, now your partner is limited to a couple of dry phrases.
2. You notice that your partner spends more and more time on social networks, texting for hours with a stranger of the opposite sex. Even if you know his interlocutor, you should be alarmed by the fact that he (she) spends a lot of time talking and constantly sends him messages.
3. Your partner has a friend of the opposite sex, with whom he (she) spends a lot of time, which cannot but affect your relationship. It is important to understand that innocent friendships with the opposite sex can sometimes grow into something more. In her research, the American psychologist Shirley Glass came to the conclusion that most whirlwind romances on the side begin with the appearance of a new friend in the life of a husband or wife. At that moment, a relationship of trust arises between them and no one feels the approaching danger.
4. In conversations with a partner, the phrase “You don’t understand me at all, not like Vasya (Anya)…"

Look at yourself

Let's look at the signs that someone who cheats or is close to can notice in themselves.

1. You are increasingly meeting your new friend in secret from your partner, family, and friends.
2. You want to spend as much time with your friend as possible.
3. In conversations with your friend, you share intimate with him. You are not as open with your partner.
4. You feel like your new friend understands you better than your partner.
5. When stressful situations arise, you seek support from a new friend, not from your significant other.
6. Emotional and sexual intimacy began to disappear in your couple. It becomes less and less important to you.
7. With a new friend, you share values and thoughts that your partner strongly disagrees with.
8. Quarrels between you and your partner are more and more frequent, and you turn to a new friend for comfort.
9. You constantly have a desire to touch a new friend: to hug, to take by the hand.
10. You are discussing sexual topics with your friend, and you can easily imagine the friend as a sexual object.

Why did this happen?

1. Violation of intimacy. It is about coldness, ignoring feelings, unwillingness to listen, in the absence of the opportunity or desire to allocate time to communicate with the soul mate.
2. Faded feelings. The former passion has passed, partners want new sensations that they cannot find in each other. In this case, they try to satisfy their emotional needs on the side.
3. Unwillingness of partners to recognize and solve relationship problems. The appearance of a happy marriage is not enough. If an apple is rotten inside, no matter how beautiful it looks, no one will eat it anyway.
4. Low self-esteem. There are times when one of the partners feels dissatisfied with himself, it seems to him that he is no longer attractive to others sexually. A person wants to prove to himself the opposite, so he seeks to start a relationship on the side. Nowadays, this is the easiest thing to do, you just have to go to the Internet through your phone or laptop.

Disaster prevention

Agree, glueing a broken vase is many times more difficult than preventing it from falling. After "emotional betrayal", your loyal partner will have a sediment in the soul, your relationship will not be the same as before.

It is important to remember the following:

1. If something does not suit you in a relationship, you can always discuss it with your partner. Silence and hiding problems will never lead to anything good. This can result in a major fight. And suppressing negative emotions negatively affects health.
2. If you cannot solve the problems on your own, you can contact a psychologist or psychotherapist.
3. If it seems to you that your feelings have cooled down and you are mired in "everyday life", you can always refresh the relationship. Take everything into your own hands and organize a romantic evening, go to the cinema or theater together. Imagine that you are 17-18 years old again. What did you like then? Experiment, surprise. Remember how your feelings were born, and change the environment, make gifts and surprises, communicate, get to know each other again. Don't be afraid to take the initiative.
4. Try to spend more time with each other. After returning from work, do not rush to "fall on the social network" right away, tell your partner how your day went, what new things you learned, invite him to share the news with you.
5. Create your own "tenderness rituals". For example, make it a habit to hug and kiss your partner before going to work and when returning. It is believed that a person needs eight hugs per day to feel happy.
6. Spend more time together. Watch movies in the evenings, discuss books, walk in the park on weekends, go to the movies or to the gym. Even a couple of hours of working together will have a positive effect on your relationship.
7. Support each other in difficult times. Don't turn away, offer help, be patient. And most importantly - don't compare! People often think that the neighbor has a better lawn, the house is more comfortable, the wife (husband) is more caring. Instead of complaining, take care of your significant other and then everything will be fine.

What if you feel you are close to an emotional change?

• If you notice that you have begun to frequently communicate with a colleague or acquaintance of the opposite sex, you open your soul to him, it is important to say to yourself: "Stop!" If you do not want to be sucked into this maelstrom, you should end this relationship immediately. No explanation. Whenever you meet with this person, say hello, but do not seek to start a conversation, be neutral.
• It doesn't matter at what stage your contacts with another person stopped, even if they did not reach physical intimacy, you should still confess to your partner. It might backfire, but you have to be honest. Relationships are built on mutual trust.
• Set boundaries in your renewed relationship with your partner. Discuss what is acceptable in your relationship, what counts as cheating, and so on. The more you discuss, the less likely problems will arise in the future.

Talk and learn to listen to your partner. The proverb "Silence is gold" is not about relationships

Thanks to sincere words, bridges appear through which we can get into each other's hearts.