We Choose Each Other For A Reason. 4 Factors That Determine Relationships - Relations

A man can seek us for years, but we will never reciprocate. And sometimes one glance is enough to understand - this is it! Why does it happen that we choose a particular person?

1. Appearance and social status

The first thing we pay attention to when we meet a person is appearance. Everyone has their own standards and ideas about beauty. If a person's appearance is close to us and attractive to us, we want to get to know our partner better. As a rule, we make a choice based on intuition and our own feelings, and only then the mind turns on. We subconsciously choose someone who is close to us in terms of external parameters and behavior. Those who, at first glance, are "not at all mine" may also like us, but it will take more time to get out of the "friend zone". It is possible to understand that we have a desired object with the help of a rapid heartbeat, an involuntary smile and doubts about what and how to start a conversation.

2. The image formed by the subconscious

In childhood or adolescence, we draw for ourselves the image of our second half, and in adulthood, our subconscious comes into play, which has been programmed for a certain type from childhood. And when a meeting takes place, with all the parameters coinciding, our subconscious gives out an exact result - "yes" or "no". Think about which half you wanted for yourself, which one you imagined, and then you will understand why it is these partners that surround you.

Remember the fairy tale "Buratino". He dedicated poetry to the beautiful Malvina Piero, admired her and was ready to help at any second, but all of Malvina's attention was riveted on Buratino. She taught him, punished him, worried about him. Her choice was "fight and competition" rather than "relationship and reciprocity."

It is very important for everyone that we are loved, looked after and taken care of. The origins of this lie in the parental home, where the maternal relationship was the most important. Where mom will always hug, help and do her best. Therefore, growing up, we separate from the parental home, and an emptiness of loneliness appears, which I want to fill with a loving and caring person, like a mother.

3. Social loyalty of the partner

Couples often form in a circle of like-minded people. We pay attention to those with whom we have a lot in common. As a result, cheerful people with an active life position are more likely to look at their own kind, rather than at quiet and calm ones, and successful and business people - at representatives with a similar level. But it also happens that people choose the opposite of themselves and live happily all their lives, there are no strict frames or boundaries.

In my personal survey of clients, the majority noted that their choice of the other half is influenced by the social loyalty of a partner. Namely, the ability to listen carefully, to show interest in his affairs and problems, to take part in the life of the object. As in fairy tales, good triumphs over evil, so in relationships, kindness and sympathy always attracts and plays an important role in choosing a chosen one.

4. The parental family model

The family model plays an important role. It is in the family that the basic principles of behavior with the second half in the future are laid: the distribution of roles, household responsibilities, household management, conflict resolution, and spending time together. For example, if a man's mother had a caring housewife, then in a girl he will appreciate similar qualities.

As a rule, the partner evaluates the future chosen one or the chosen one, relying on family experience, giving preference to an object similar to one of the parents. If in the family of one of the partners the family model left much to be desired, the action will take place from the opposite. The unwillingness to repeat the parental plot will become an important goal, and in order to avoid loneliness, forces will be rushed to find the opposite of their parent.