Love And Falling In Love: What's The Difference? - Relations

We all strive for love, for bright, deep, rich feelings. And at the same time, we want the feelings not to disappear over time, but only to acquire new qualities. But unfortunately, the feeling that we take for love is not always deep and lasting. Sometimes it is only love, which gradually disappears

Paradoxically, love and being in love are fundamentally different from each other.

Despite the fact that both love and falling in love at first manifest themselves equally brightly, are associated with warm emotions, tenderness and passion, over time the difference becomes noticeable. Falling in love is short, but love can last a lifetime. Unlike falling in love, love is able to withstand many trials, long separation.

Love goes through many stages over time. Transforms, grows. We can say that falling in love is the first stage of love. But no one can guarantee that the next stage will come and falling in love will turn into love

What is the difference between love and falling in love? In short, it can be described as follows: when you are in love, you focus more on your feelings, your comfort and happiness, and love assumes that you first think about your loved one, about his needs.

Falling in love is a more selfish feeling. A lover is ready to accept only tender emotions from a partner, to have pleasure, joy. A person experiencing love accepts a loved one in any mood and state.

How do you know what feeling is driving you and your partner?

The main signs of falling in love

1. Idealization

There is an expectation that the partner will always be in a good mood, will be happy to communicate at any time, and generally should "carry you in his arms." The main danger of idealization is that a person seized by passion is not ready to adequately perceive the states and feelings of a partner, and the lack of reciprocity can simply be ignored or perceived as an insult.

2. Desire for complete possession

A person in love, imperceptibly for himself, seeks to possess the object of his feelings and completely dispose of it. There is a desire not to share a partner with anyone, neglecting his personal boundaries and communication needs.

3. "Pink glasses"

Vivid emotions and passion bring novelty to life, cause a surge of inspiration, a desire to "move mountains", to change the usual circumstances. When in love, a person is in some kind of chemical illusion, euphoria, which his own body creates for him for a couple of months. After this time, illusions begin to gradually dissipate and unpleasant surprises can await the lover.

The main signs of love

1. Accepting disadvantages

People who have been in a relationship for a long time know well not only the positive traits of each other, but also not the most pleasant sides. However, they do not believe that these flaws are a hindrance to love.

2. Sincere support

In love, partners rejoice at each other's achievements. We are ready to support a loved one in all endeavors. We can say that long-term love is based on friendship, understanding, respect. And no competition and desire to prove "whose cones are in the forest."

3. Willingness to give

A loving person is ready to donate a lot of time and personal resources to his other half for free. When both partners are focused on creating a comfortable life for each other, their relationship develops more harmoniously.

4. Self-sufficiency of love

Many psychologists believe that love is a feeling. Long and evolving. Falling in love is an emotion. Bright, shallow, explosive, fading over time.

Relationship psychology

As a psychologist, I would like to draw attention to some features of the options for the development of relationships from the point of view of psychology.

Option number 1. Remedy for loneliness

Often, a person inspires himself with warm feelings for someone in order to avoid loneliness. These thoughts help to fill the inner emptiness, stop thinking about uselessness and loneliness. In such circumstances, a person may become addicted, which does not allow him to live and develop normally without his partner.

A romantic story can be tragic for someone. In this case, the feeling of emptiness and lack of self-sufficiency will only intensify.

Psychologists and psychotherapists are aware of many cases where a painful relationship led to the occurrence of deep depression and various mental disorders.

Option number 2. Increase the degree of extravagance

It happens that during courtship, people with a pronounced emotionality commit "crazy", unexpected and memorable actions. Cinematography and literature gladly support the myth that unusual and flamboyant behavior is a sign of love. Often, girls expect from young people with whom they start a relationship, some extravagant actions. And if the boyfriend does nothing out of the ordinary, the girl begins to question his feelings. The style of behavior during courtship depends on the character of the person, and not on the fullness of his feelings.

Option number 3. One step away from hatred

Popular wisdom notes that in some cases it is only one step from love to hate. However, such differences are more characteristic of falling in love. A person is fixated on his feelings, focused on his ideas about how everything should be built. If the partner does not behave as expected, a protest may arise.

Hate is the extreme degree of selfish displeasure with a partner. It should be borne in mind that the need to infringe on such a person's own interests is more likely to anger or alienate.

While in a relationship, it is very important to objectively perceive yourself and your partner, as well as periodically analyze the relationship itself. If you find destructive tendencies in your own behavior or the behavior of your partner, you should consult a psychologist.

Option number 4. Eternal lovers

As we said, love is a serious, daily, painstaking work of both partners. But some people are simply not willing to invest the time and energy in maintaining a relationship. It is easier for such people to "jump" from one love to another.

New emotions and meetings give a powerful boost, but without regular nourishment of relationships, it is difficult to keep them on an emotionally charged level. And one of the partners again goes in search of new emotions. On occasion, he explains to the new object of courtship that the “former” did not understand him. Such a relationship is doomed to an unpleasant parting.

If you suspect something similar in your new relationship and your chosen one has already declared himself an unrecognized genius in the science of love, get ready to end the relationship.

Sprint or Marathon?

Falling in love and love as processes can be compared to running.

Falling in love is always a short distance run. In this case, the person "throws in" almost immediately all his resources, strengths, emotions.

Love is a marathon. And according to the rules of successful participation in a marathon, you need to accurately understand your capabilities, your strengths and weaknesses, and allocate resources while running.

Love is a long process that requires an investment of energy, time and effort from both partners. Love has its own successive stages of development. It flares up, dies down, flares up with renewed vigor, there are periods of new enthusiasm for each other, when partners seem to recognize themselves and each other anew and plunge even deeper into their feelings. Partners deliberately build relationships. Being in a long-term relationship, people solve many everyday, social and personal problems.

Falling in love as such is a spontaneous and often linear process. A movement that does not involve emotional investment from partners.

If, after the stage of falling in love, people understand that they are ready to invest in each other, fully accept their partner, maintain a relationship, then falling in love will gently transform into love. Vivid emotions turn into deep feelings. And every year such love will grow with new nuances of relationships, recognition, recognition and acceptance