Cheating In A Relationship. 4 Subtle Signs Of Cheating And Forgiveness Techniques - Relations

Cheating is an unpleasant and, of course, painful topic. We tend to act in two ways. Avoid, do not believe that it is possible, or "work ahead of the curve" - to suspect, watch, be jealous

Often we begin to “wind up” ourselves and see what is not there. And so we can provoke treason. And if they are suspected of all sins, you can "go to the left."

4 signs of cheating

1. The partner begins to take care of himself more actively. Pays attention to how he is dressed. At some point, he takes a closer look at himself in the mirror. New things appear that were clearly not bought by you and which he did not have before: small gifts, pens, accessories.
2. The man picks on you. Previously, everything was fine, but now there are constantly complaints about what you did not cook or did.
3. He puts on the phone a password that did not exist before. When a call comes in, she suddenly leaves the room. Or, answering calls in your presence, he says: "I cannot speak, call back later." And this is repeated from time to time.
4. The requirements for you are constantly increasing. You begin to feel guilty, as if you are constantly "falling short" and not finishing something.

How to respond to cheating?

First, observe and understand whether there is really an affair on the side, or you are inventing it for yourself.

Secondly, if the fact of treason exists, it is very important to remove the storm of emotions that rages inside you. And to answer to oneself the main question: "Do I want to continue this relationship or am I ready to break it?" Nobody but you will take this decision. And this should be done not from the point of view of emotions - "Oh, what a bastard he is!", "Now I will kill both!" - but from the point of view of a cold mind.

If emotions are running high and you are not yet able to make an adequate decision, you can simply pause the situation. At least until you can exhale and soberly assess what is happening

If you stay with this person, you have one strategy of behavior. If you understand that, apparently, the relationship has outlived its usefulness, that you do not really want to fight for them, then this is a different strategy. Based on this, we begin to build our behavior.

It is easy to say “remove emotions”, but how is this even possible if resentment, anger and disappointment are off the charts?

There is a very powerful psychological technique that can help you calm down and return to a mindful approach.

A storm plays in us, when we are faced with the fact of treason, we find out about it. We react as if cheating happened right now. And we urgently need to do something.

It is important to realize that you have uncovered this story now, but it probably began much earlier. And it has been going on for some time. From what you have learned or not learned, nothing changes. There is no particular hurry. Think calmly and make an important decision.

If you were planning to end the relationship and the fact of betrayal is on your hands - then stamp your feet, beat the dishes and proudly leave into the night.

But in order to continue the relationship in the future, it is better to take a break and choose a different strategy of behavior. If your man is in a state of choice between you and "that woman", then your screams, "brainwashing" and tantrums can play against you.

How to live with it further?

After deciding to continue the relationship, the following question arises, a very important one: "How to live with this further?"

When we discover cheating, we have two big grievances (although we feel like one grudge)

The first is pain and disappointment towards a partner. We are perfectly aware of it and understand that it needs to be worked out.

And the second offense is often not realized by us at all and it remains to destroy us from the inside. This is an insult and claims in relation to myself: "Why did I fail?", "How could I not have noticed this before ?!" And at the same time, it is even difficult to say what burden of emotions is heavier: in relation to your spouse or in relation to yourself, that you have not coped.

Do I need to forgive?

Definitely needed anyway. And here it is important to understand the difference: to forgive treason is to neutralize a time bomb inside you. And this is categorically important in any case.

But forgiveness does not oblige you to put up with similar situations in the future. By forgiving, you can either create a relationship according to the new rules, or get out of it, saving yourself.

Forgiveness technique

1. Realize what this situation was for you. What is the use of it for you, your development, your life. It may seem at first that there can be no benefit. Do not jump to conclusions and assess the situation from this point of view. Assume that there is some scenario that can benefit you.

2. Stop killing the messenger. This man at some point in your life played a role. And that was a lesson for you. Now this is your new experience that you can use.

3. Become aware from the perspective of a lesson for the future and, of course, without blaming yourself, the current situation. In a relationship, responsibility is 50-50. The partner's behavior is 50 percent. Your behavior is the second 50 percent.

4. Rate the passed stage as new wisdom that you have received. You know, when a plane flies from point A to point B on the instruments, it constantly checks with the satellites and corrects the course. You also got a life course correction. And nothing more.

5. Thank the situation. She made you stronger, richer spiritually, smarter. And then you can do much more. Through gratitude, pain and resentment go away and self-love returns.

What's next?

After forgiveness, you have two options.

First: “Yes, I forgive this person, I am grateful to him for teaching me a certain lesson, but I don’t want to stay with him. Lesson learned."

Second: you stay in a relationship, rebuild it according to new rules and categorically leave the past in the past as an experience. No more.

And finally, the most important question: how to maintain a man's interest in you, so that cheating does not arise?

1. Always put yourself and your interests first. At the beginning of your relationship, the man conquered you, and you remained independent. Men are in nature to conquer. His interest is fueled by surprises, adventures. Give him the opportunity to do all this within your relationship, and not with someone else on the side. When you become addicted and receive everything, interest fades away.
2. Let the man understand that you love and support him, but do not stifle him with your love, advice, control. Don't tell a man what to do, and in no case do anything for him. Leave freedom to yourself and him. Long-term relationships are possible only when they are built according to the principle "I can do without you, but I want with you."
3. Always be different, surprise a man. Stop being always positive and smart. And most importantly - stay yourself, with your interests, strengths and weaknesses. Love yourself and enjoy life.

Recorded by Vasilisa Averyanova