Ice And Fire. Temperaments Are So Different, But Together - Relations

She is a stayer: calm, balanced, slowly but surely moves towards the goal. He is a troubadour, romantic and bully, full of ideas and plans. Burns brightly, but burns out quickly. They are so different, but still they are together. Is it possible to live harmoniously next to two emotionally different people?

Life stories

Identical halves

It would seem just wonderful when both creative people are paired. A joint flight of imagination, a fountain of common ideas, synchronous enthusiasm and understanding of each other from a half-glance. Yes, compared to such a duet, the whole world around will seem boring and gray.

During the period of love, such a couple is ready to illuminate everything around with their inner light, you want to make a movie about them and compose songs. But then the passions subside, this is normal. Deeper and calmer feelings awaken.

There are no two absolutely identical people, even those looking in the same direction can disagree. And when, in such a situation, both of the mood suddenly changes, and neither of the couple can pull themselves together, problems begin. What seemed brilliant turns out to be neurasthenic. As a result, both are shaken and need stability. But both are unable to give it. Fights become more frequent and, most likely, a breakdown occurs.

Complete opposites

Let's say he is an extreme and an avid traveler. She is an adventurer exclusively in the Jack London books. With a burning gaze, he tells her about the indescribably beautiful waterfalls, she finds analogies in world literature. He wants to show her all this, but she considers such an unjustified risk. In contrast to cozy intellectual conversations and a leisurely measured life. But since all people are adults and intelligent, no one puts pressure on each other.

He rafts along mountain rivers, conquering rapids. She attends lectures on contemporary art and does not miss a single theatrical premiere. All this continues until he meets a perky blue-eyed soul mate on the next rafting. Or until she gets carried away by some anthropologist professor.

Defining concepts

Temperament (from Lat. Temperamentum - "proportionality, moderation") is a natural ratio of stable individual personality traits that characterize various aspects of the dynamics of mental activity and behavior

There are four types of human temperament:

• Sanguine. Bright, with expressive gestures and rich facial expressions. He is always open, reacts to what is happening around him quickly and violently. He is energetic and very efficient. In most cases, an extrovert.
• Choleric. Neurasthenic enough. Intemperate, emotional about what is happening, without delving into the situation. He is very persistent and stubborn, which helps him achieve his goal by any means. Like a sanguine person, he is also more often an extrovert.
• Phlegmatic person. Man is an emotional rock. Unperturbed, even if there is a storm and other natural disasters around. Emotions save, gestures are not scattered. It is hard and long to get used to the new, experiencing everything in itself.
• Melancholic. Anxious and sensitive. Shy, touchy and quiet. He is very easily confused by his complete lack of self-confidence.

Temperament always leaves an imprint on human behavior. At the same time, different combinations of psychotypes lead to completely different communications. The compatibility of temperaments is well known, including from the works of V. I. Kulikov, from which it follows that temperaments such as choleric + phlegmatic and sanguine + melancholic are often combined.

A phlegmatic person perfectly tolerates emotional outbursts of a choleric person and supports him with his reliability and confidence. The melancholic, due to the scarcity of emotions, is very impressed by the waves of behavior of the sanguine person, begins to see the world more rosy. This is a comfortable type of interaction of psychotypes.

A choleric person with a melancholic person is worse off. Sharpness and the habit of "cutting from the shoulder" do not get along with melancholy and permanent sadness. The situation with a sanguine person and a phlegmatic person is just as gloomy. An unhurried phlegmatic person simply cannot keep up with a swift sanguine person and reads superficiality and inattention at such a speed. All this is a disorientating type of interaction of temperaments.

In addition to the extreme positions, there are intermediate, "middle" options. This is a cool, but quite strong union of a phlegmatic and a melancholic, where respect for the inner world of everyone is respected, but over time, alienation grows in relationships. Or the union of a sanguine person and a choleric person - both leaders, but the sanguine person is more loyal and can step aside at the right time. These interactions are called fine-tuning.

And finally, a monotonous type of interaction of temperaments - when two identical psychotypes meet. Here, the compatibility options can be diametrically opposite - for example, sanguine people can communicate well together, and the most difficult thing is for choleric people who poorly manage their emotions.

Application of knowledge in life

Of course, none of us, having studied the materiel, will look for a partner with the theoretically necessary temperament. We start a relationship, fall in love, meeting a person with whom we are united by common interests and goals. Let not in everything and not always.

A big mistake is creating an illusory partner for yourself, assigning to a person those qualities that he does not possess at all. As you project, misunderstandings and quiet irritation grow between you. And this mine will explode someday. But "looking in one direction" is exactly what helps the relationship to persist and develop for many years.

• Don't think of your temperament as a disadvantage that affects your life. This is your character trait, and you shouldn't discount it. On the contrary, you can try to demonstrate to your partner how it can diversify your leisure time and relationships. For example, if you are very sociable, you can take care of planning your vacation, all family chores and affairs that require communication with people. And your partner will take upon himself the thoughtful choice and scrupulous study of the little things.
• Do not conflict over the fact that your partner is not interested in your hobbies and leisure activities. You can always talk by building a dialogue so that your “opposite psychotype” will understand what is bothering you.
• Explain in words that it is difficult for you to make quick decisions (long thoughts are unbearable). There is always a middle ground: for example, not canceling events, but planning them in advance.
• Never give ultimatums. There should be a request in your conversation. Because when a person does something under pressure, he will seek compensation. And the desire to do something for you will disappear. This is hardly a healthy scenario for the development of harmonious relationships.

The main thing is not that you are different. The main thing is that you are together and happy. All in your hands.