(Un) Education Of "real Men" - Blogs, Society

How surprisingly quickly the social context has changed in the last decade! Ten or even five years ago, no one would have been surprised by the topic "how to raise a real man." The topic is in demand, we will read it and will educate it. We need real men, otherwise we don't have any left at all. Just tell me how. You are psychologists, you should know

But this topic has not yet died out. I realized this when they sent it to me from one women's weekly, which is sold throughout Russia. And since the version that I wrote first was not missed as too revolutionary, I invite readers to get acquainted with it here, on a very modern platform. Go!

And who is it?

The concept of "real man" is not in any dictionary. That is, this is a phenomenon unknown to science. An extremely abstract concept. Rather, we can talk about social requirements for men and women in different historical periods. In the era of war, they are one, and in the era of peace and land cultivation, others.

Now is the time for non-gender values. The ability to be responsible (responsible) is appreciated, to take into account other people nearby, but at the same time keep your boundaries. Intelligence, breadth of outlook, professionalism are appreciated. And this is, by and large, taste. There are large subcultures in which all this is not paramount, which does not negate the "authenticity" of their carriers.

Scary idea

Suppose there are still people who would like to educate someone "real". For example, a man.

As if there is a scheme: a mother, maybe a father, and they have a son. They have an idea of what a "real man" is. They probably have a list of qualities in their heads. It is good if the general, and not two lists, contradicting each other. And one more list from my grandmother. Well, and so on. And each of them is trying to lead a real boy to some kind of speculative constructions. Often without taking into account the boy himself and answering the question "What is he?" and "Will what we impose suit him?"

Where did this list come from? Perhaps from the song: “so that I don't drink, don't smoke and always give flowers … (further scary) I gave my entire salary, called my mother-in-law my mother …” There, right further down the text, there is such a “sieve” on which they tried to raise generations. A large collection of stereotypes.

Or: "A man must be powerful, smelly and hairy" and "a little more beautiful than a monkey." Self-care - by, decent haircut - by, cream even for hands - ay-ay-ay.

Or maybe this list is “by contradiction”: “Your father, you bastard, ruined my whole life! So I will uproot all his qualities from you! He is a bastard, and you will turn out to be a normal man. " Can you imagine what is mixed there in the list of qualities prepared "for the exit"?

Or maybe this list is from films and books. Partly from superhero sagas and partly from romantic comedies. Soup and cake in the same pot.

In fact, raising a "real" man from a boy turns into pumping harmful ideas and degrading comparisons. “Men don't cry”, “what are you, as a girl”, “a man should this (and that)”. The boy grows up insecure. And besides, not respecting women, and sometimes other men.

If you think that you know what a "real man" should be, then it is better to check yourself again. Write a list of qualities. See if the qualities contradict each other. Can such a man actually exist, or is he like a "spherical horse in a vacuum"?

Run to neurosis

Now I would like to speak in general about ideality and striving for it. It is like being shoved into a Procrustean bed. There are a lot of such ideas: “ideal mother”, “ideal child”, “ideal boss”, “ideal manager” … My teeth begin to ache at the word “ideal”.

Ideality: look closely at this word. Ideality. That is, this word itself tells us that this is a pure idea, a fantasy. It can't be. Why can't it? Striving for ideality, a person enters into the ground for comparisons, uncertainty and dissatisfaction with himself. Which in itself makes ideality impossible.

All these slogans - "strive for perfection", "the path to perfection" - were popular in advertising 15–20 years ago and have since become bad taste. We can also move away from these structures.

Didn't work even at the highest level

Remember how humans were created according to the biblical description. If Father didn't get the perfect result, why are we trying to take on such functions?

So…

Now is the time for shared opportunities. The concepts of "masculine" and "feminine" qualities are disappearing. People of any gender and gender can be anything, behave in any way (except illegal), look anything, walk even in a skirt with a bow.

There are fewer and fewer differences in capabilities. More and more variety. Purposefulness, responsibility, emotional intelligence, communication skills, self-knowledge are important qualities. If you can - create the basis for their formation, whether you have a girl or a boy. And the main condition, perhaps, is respect. Without it, nothing will work

Opinions

We are discussing the topic of "real men" on the social network:

I'm more interested in how to bring up a fake. That is, if the boy is initially real, then how to make a fake man out of him?

Irina, Minsk

I see no difference between the qualities of a worthy man and a worthy woman. A responsibility. Caring for your neighbor. Ability to solve problems. Be independent. Self-esteem and respect for others. Etc. All this has no gender connotation. The trend now is “How to educate (how to be) a worthy person”. No gender stereotypes.

Anastasia, London

I will say more: today any objectification looks wild.

Dmitry, Kiev

If he's not a mannequin, then he's real. And no one needs to prove it. Like a woman - that she is a woman. "How to raise a real man?" - a question from the creators of "How to become a good mother", "Is it possible to be a real woman without getting married", "Men do not cry", etc.

Nika, Moscow