Table of contents:
- Who needs it at all?
- But still: why?
- A couple of good stories that also happen
- What exactly do you want?
- Small talk: top 7 topics on all platforms of the country
- Communication principles
- Where are you, like-minded people?
- Confusion is ok
Video: Mom At The Playground - Blogs, Society
How can a woman, becoming a mother, feel more confident on the playground? The fact is that in the kindergarten I had permissiveness, no one dared to contradict me, since I was the teacher's favorite. Hell started when I went to school (which coincided with the arrival of my younger brother), and in the end I studied until graduation as an introverted person. Everything would be fine, but my isolation and inability to communicate with children now make me stay at home with a one and a half year old child. On the court I feel out of place. Here, probably, besides me, there are also mothers who will be interested in this topic. I really look forward to hearing, thanks in advance!
Lily
Dear Lily! I would not like to hypothesize about the connection between kindergarten, school and the birth of a brother with the feeling of "not at ease" on the set. I offer these topics if you want to deal with them, refer to a psychologist or psychotherapist.
I’ll take just one fact that Lily talks about: the feeling of insecurity on the playground, which other moms may have.
While working on the article, I decided to start a discussion of the topic on a social network. On my page, I asked people to share their experience and answer the question: "How can a mother feel more confident on the site next to other mothers?" The responses were so interesting that I decided to rewrite the almost finished article completely.
Who needs it at all?
I never really talked to other mothers on the sites. She was usually busy with her child. The little one constantly needs a mother - to help, support, suggest.
Elvira, teacher
I always hated talking to other mothers, it was stressful for me to walk on the site. She preferred the forest.
Natalia, endocrinologist
I don't understand at all who might need strangers. For what? So that it was not boring to walk with your child?
Ksenia, tourism manager
Why am I using these quotes at the very beginning? In order to indicate: not wanting to contact others is as normal as wanting. If there is no need, then communication may not be established at all. At the same time, it would be good not to consider "others" as silly chickens, talking only about diapers and constantly growing teeth. Just to be honest: you are not interested in making such contacts.
But still: why?
Moms on the playground near your house are random people. The common thing is that you have children of a similar age. But, as it turns out, this is a lot! Communication with them can be helpful.
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Compensating for the communication deficit The
Internet and social networks are a big step in overcoming the isolation of young mothers. But for those who are in need of live communication, the company on the site can help.
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Experience transfer
Focus group right next to home! Testing of diapers, mashed potatoes, gels for dental pain relief, new brands of clothing. Those who accept the experience of others can come in handy.
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Exchange of useful contacts
Here you can find out the contacts of proven pediatricians, massage therapists, speech therapists and educators.
And this is at least, if you do not take into account the opportunity to meet new friends and like-minded people on the site at the house.
A couple of good stories that also happen
When the eldest daughter was little, we had a great party with strollers. There were four of us. Two have girls, two have boys. The children were asleep, and we chatted, talked. In winter, they often took out with them a large thermos and all sorts of cookies. And, oh, horror, sometimes there was not tea at all in the thermos! Now our children are 13-14 years old. We still communicate. The girl's family is very close. She is my daughter's best friend. With the families of boys - less often. But we maintain relations.
Maria, bijou master
I myself have such a story, so I know how great it can be to find loved ones simply because you gave birth at about the same time. When I gave birth to my first son, I was lucky to find a real community, warm, supportive. We went to visit. We went shopping. We went to the sea together (not with the whole train, but there was). We knew a lot about each other. We supported one friend when she was going through a divorce. And the second, when she decided to have an abortion. Five of us gave birth to our second children within one year! That is, all our elders are 21-22 years old, and the next ones are 13-14 years old. It is surprising!
Sasha, photographer
What exactly do you want?
This question is so good that you can use it more often. Another good question: "What do you want to get as a result?" The answers to these questions create miracles of awareness in life without the intervention of a therapist. In principle, and not only in the context of this topic.
Returning to communication on sites, the options fit into two main strategies:
- ability to support small talk ("small talk", conversation about nothing);
- finding pleasant people for constant communication.
Small talk: top 7 topics on all platforms of the country
Psychologist Irina Uridia offers seven win-win themes. By asking a question related to any of them, you can start a conversation:
- food (Oh, what a huge topic! From buying ready-made food to the intricacies of self-cooking);
- sleep;
- “When are you going to the garden?”;
- toys;
- character, characteristics of the child;
- contacts of doctors / masseurs / osteopaths, later speech therapists, etc.;
- "Where did you buy such a cool one?.."
Of course, if you're feeling shy and embarrassed, it may not be so easy to ask a question. Shyness is often associated with fear of rejection or showing incompetence. But on-site communication is a great simulator for the future. As you ask questions from these seven topics, you are referring to human experience. And talking about your experience, especially when someone is willing to listen to you kindly, is usually pleasant.
Communication principles
On sites, as in any communication, there is something that is not worth doing. In general, we are talking about standard conflicts. Elvira Sulaimankulova, teacher, shares her principles:
“For myself, I have developed the rules for such communication (and not only on the site):
- if asked, share only your experience;
- if they don't ask me, don't give advice;
- not to discuss religion, politics, principles of care and upbringing of children (if a person already has a position, it is useless to argue, and holivars on the playground are inappropriate);
- not criticize others (except for issues of life and death);
- be friendly with all children.
This is usually enough to maintain an even relationship with everyone around you. And there it will be."
A few more principles shared by Maria Bereznya, master of jewelry:
“On the playground, you can create comfort for yourself with a few simple rules. And if a person is comfortable, then the embarrassment will pass.
- Have enough toys with you. Toys should be specifically for playgrounds, those that are not a pity, but always interesting.
- Have a large supply of wet wipes. To carry a large pack with you. And wipe your own, and share with others.
- Have water with you.
- Greet on arrival at the site.
- Smile".
Where are you, like-minded people?
Mine could splash in puddles, lick her hands, get dirty and mess around as much as she liked. I noticed a couple of the same tomboy with mothers, and they me. And they just hit the bull's-eye, it was very cool for everyone to walk together, made friends. The rest of the sand community with “don't go, don't touch, don't get dirty” and another 125 “NOT” weren't impressive, rather annoying. In general, the main thing is to find your own people and calm down.
Elena Potapenko, psychologist
If you want to find people close to you in spirit for constant communication, observation will help you. People's values are manifested in behavior.
What echoes in you when you see this or that attitude of the mother towards her child? Irritation, fear or excitement, joy (and 50 more different nuances of feelings)? We identified a person you like - small talk to help you.
Confusion is ok
At the end, I want to quote Lena, a miniaturist, as a ready-made instruction for a timid mother:
“I always used to knit with my children in the sandbox. This is how the conversation usually began. If mothers are friendly, then it is enough to be friendly, the contact is established by itself.
Difficulties can be for a shy mother, who generally finds it difficult to feel openly in an unfamiliar environment. Then you can try to start walking in the sandpit at a not very crowded time, when there are only a few mums / dads / nannies. After a while, they will begin to recognize and greet mom. And it is likely that they will start the conversation themselves. Some individuals generally like to communicate everywhere and always (that's me about myself).
Gradually, mom will already have several acquaintances, then you can gradually move the "sandbox clock" to rush hour.
In general, the feeling of shyness is normal, even extroverts experience it. You come, and there everyone is unfamiliar, and even dissatisfied, for example … You start to think that they do not want to accept strangers and may not be very friendly to you.
Self-hypnosis helps me in such a situation: "They are not angry at me, it's just a bad day, maybe the children are capricious, poor thing, maybe she's just tired." Or another option: "They themselves are probably ashamed of strangers and take newcomers hard, I have nothing to fear, they are good, we just don't know each other yet."
PS I really hope that the experience shared by the topic participants will help Lily and other shy mothers. And that the sites will become a place for communication training, and the skills acquired will improve the quality of life.
