Total Body Positivity: For And Against - The Quality Of Life

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 20:18

Author of the book “My body positive. How I Loved The Body I Live In "Tess Holliday - the plump girl on the covers of glamorous magazines - hasn't always been a plus-size icon. She dared to tell frankly how and why she deviated from the general course of millions of girls who were preoccupied with maintaining a slim figure, and how she overcame the difficulties of socialization. What's behind this story? Let's consider all the pros and cons of the social movement, which teaches total acceptance of your body

In the first chapter of the book - a true confession about childhood - the author puts a warning flag for parents who use domestic violence or simply forget that there are children nearby. Remember - the consequences of violence are unpredictable, and happiness is when you manage to cope with problems on your own.

Childhood red flags

“Domestic violence is not normal. Childhood in the company of an aggressive father made me very sensitive to all kinds of red flags. I think that's why I speak so frankly about the need for love in the family. In a relationship, there should not be situations in which one partner humiliates or intimidates the other, and even more so - lets go. I am a mother, and I well understand that I have to show how to behave by example. The parent should be above the bad behavior, because for the child you are a big person (this is not a pun). If my eleven-year-old son asks me a difficult question, I do not shy away from answering. We talk frankly about many things, and I talk about my childhood.

I had to try pretty hard at school to make friends, because of completeness they mocked me. I could not answer and defend myself, I was too ashamed. Instead, I left and sat alone on a bench. It was there that I first ate my sorrows with a pack of Cheetos, and there I was bitterly insulted for the way my body looks. It was not customary in my family to talk about what you feel, and I experienced my difficulties in loneliness and melancholy.

From that time on, I began to instinctively turn to food when it was not easy for me. Food gave me freedom, it was a way to forget about my problems for a while, but it also led to weight gain. An endless stream of insults poured in my address, and many poisonous notes were thrown into my locker. It was horrible, but the humiliation prompted me to fight back the offenders.

Throughout my teenage years, my life was like an intensive course of learning how to become strong and courageous. I was far from the only fat student at school, but I was told something nasty almost every day on the bus or in the corridors of the school. I didn’t know how to hide my emotions, but more often than not I simply ignored my offender or pretended not to hear anything. And I always dreamed of proving that I would be the best.”

Accept yourself and not become obsessed with the idea

Tess Holliday's frankness captivates, it becomes clear why teenagers seize their sorrows with sweets. Their parents “forget” about their responsibility not only for their food, but also for their upbringing. The author of the book could well become a victim of bullying by others, but her willpower helped to overcome the endless series of troubles and cruelties of life.

She was unlucky for a long time in her personal life, but a single mother was saved by work. Tess practiced her makeup skills, hosted weddings, photo shoots, and organized charity fashion shows. Then she made her modeling debut, and now she has contracts with leading US modeling agencies, and Vogue magazine included her in the list of 10 plus-size models changing fashion.

But when the queen of body positivity first appeared on the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine in person, the reviews were contradictory, ostracism was enough for her eyes.

The model encourages us to love our body and accept ourselves as we are. However, she does not stop repeating that she does not get hung up on the body and the best thing for her in life is children.

Children are the best in our life

“I always emphasize that taking care of children gives strength. Of course, it's terribly hard to work as a model after a sleepless night with a baby in your arms, when you don't want to do anything but sit and cry. But life is not a competition in which you need to constantly demonstrate your worth or explain why you consider yourself better than others. I prefer to be myself anyway.

It's just that everyone should understand that talking about the difficulties of parenting is not only possible, but also necessary. It seems to me that many glamorous women are trying to mislead others, creating the illusion of an ideal life, there is no need to hide that it is not easy for you. Now of all my achievements I am most proud of the fact that we are raising two wonderful boys."

Tess Holliday's recommendations for body acceptance seem reasonable. Here is some of them:

• accept your body as it is;
• love and understand your body;
• decorate and change it the way you like;
• trust your instincts and take care of your body;
• be harmonious and happy in your family;
• accept life in all the variety of joys and difficulties, do not chase after ideals.

But is this seemingly harmless advice so safe for those people whose overweight is associated with many diseases?

"For" and "against" movement

For more than 20 years, the Body Positive movement has encouraged everyone to treat people with non-standard appearance humanely, promoting the principles of accepting oneself and one's own body. Natalya Ulyanova, PhD in Psychology, believes that it is important not to condemn yourself or others for the "wrong" body, but to take better care of yourself. Bodypositive without extremes teaches to love and understand your body, reminding us that every person is self-sufficient.

By the way, constant dissatisfaction with your body affects a person's self-esteem. Social contact with such people can have a negative impact on our own lives. Researcher Katherine Milne believes spending more time with people who are not preoccupied with their bodies is helpful in protecting against unhealthy eating habits. Even constant thoughts about the problem of weight can lead to weight gain.

So, bodypositive “for” a conscious and positive attitude to one's own body in all its manifestations. Psychologist Anna Ivanova draws her own conclusions: “The purpose of self-acceptance is to feel organically in your body, to live and enjoy all that the body can give us. Ultimately, body positive is about a long healthy life, the ability to listen to your body and understand what it needs."

On the other side of the barricades

Opponents of body positivity offer to go down to earth, look at the movement's apologists more closely and make sure that overestimated self-esteem is often unjustified.

“Unsupported idealization is seen as a serious personal dysfunction,” says psychologist Yulia Maslennikova. - I would like to ask the question essentially to the author of the book, and also to “plus-size style icon” Tess Holliday. It is clear from the book why, as a teenager, she broke loose and seized her sorrows, but why now a very successful model from a wealthy Los Angeles area brought her weight with a small stature to 150 kg, that she now seizes - success? Or is it a deliberate advertising move?"

In the world, according to statistics, wealthy people with a high professional status are much slimmer than poor ones, since they are attentive to their bodies and take care of their health. Obesity is becoming a real scourge for humanity. Over the past 30 years, the weight of women has increased significantly in all European countries. In this context, the slogan “Every body is beautiful” only evokes negative. Is it worth teaching to live in style with extra pounds, which lead to disease by a direct path?

You need to treat your body without kinks and radicalism. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy believes that by changing body language, we can change our minds and behavior, which will help us. And with the "imperfections" of the figure must be fought, and the sooner the better. If your kids or best friend are overweight, they need help. And the standards of beauty designed for fat men and fat women simply do not exist in nature, they were invented by those who benefit from it, the psychologist believes.

Decide consciously - whether to trust the slogans of supporters of body positive, who proclaim: "My body is my business!" - or is it better to find that golden mean that will help maintain not only beauty, but also health

More about this:

Holliday T. My bodypositive. How I fell in love with the body in which I live. M.: Bombora, 2019.