USE: Instruction For The Whole Family - Society

Spring has come, the best time to lift strength and spirit, but in our family it seems they have forgotten about it. Our daughter is finishing school, and we are all talking only about the upcoming USE and points, tutors and a passing grade. Locked, in general. But now I want to ask about something else - how can children cope with fears of mock and real exams?

Polina, 37 years old

There are several variables in the task “to pass the exam and not die in the process”, and we will start with them. Pupil - school - institute. They can be weak or strong. Select a set of tools depending on the composition

Weak student - weak school - weak institution

“Dasha has always studied from C to C. It seems that she has some problems with attention and concentration, teachers always swear at her that she flies in the clouds in class. She does homework until night, weak, often ill. If you start to explain something to her, he will rest his eyes on the wall and be silent. How she will study at the institute, I can't imagine! I’m not talking about the exam, I’d make it to the top three, and thanks for that. Who is she such a fool? Father, however, drinks and screams in our country, but he graduated from the university, and so did I. And how will she be without education? Let him go wherever, if only there is a crust."

Here we see a combination of a hostile environment and misunderstood data. Upon closer examination, it turns out that Dasha is very gifted with "crafts": she cooks well, sews, lights up when she can do something with her hands, gets along well with kids and animals. And yes, she has dyslexia with dysgraphia. But there is no attention disorder, there is only increased anxiety and depression due to constant stress: at home they yell at her, at school they yell at her, there are no friends (“I’m a freak and a loser”), she is alone all the time.

What will be the winning strategy for her? Professional education at the technical school level: a cook, pastry chef, any handicraft, caring for people or animals, but always in a friendly environment (that is, not the Ministry of Emergency Situations and not junior medical personnel, she has a very low stress resistance). Also, she will not be suitable for any work related to documents, because of dyslexia, she has a panic in front of "multi-letters". She does not need a higher education at all, a pointless waste of time and money.

Pay attention, I am not saying "at least a technical school". I say it's a winning strategy. The circumstances where it will be successful and in demand. But in order to adopt this strategy, I had to spend a lot of time convincing both parents and Dasha herself that this was not a defeat, but a victory.

Psychologist's recommendations

Consultation with a neuropsychiatrist, if necessary, a course of treatment for depression. Classes with a neuropsychologist for dyslexia / dysgraphia. Consultation of parents on the development of the girl, recommendations for organizing her studies. Take a career guidance test to determine the direction.

A weak student is a strong school - it is not clear which institution

This is the case when the child, by hook or by crook, including bribery, was pushed into a "strong" gymnasium, because "in the rest of the schools there are only non-Russian lumps." The fact that the child clearly does not meet the requirements of the school, barely keeps up with the class, is constantly forced to correct something and give it away - is ignored. Or, tutors are hired right from the start.

Nikita has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, he stutters and has difficulty reading. The whole bouquet, as they say. He hates his lyceum fiercely, he has to be taken there and handed over from hand to hand (there is an agreement with the school guard not to let him out), although the boy is in the 8th grade. Mom goes to meetings with teachers like to work, once a week. Everyone is already desperate: teachers - that the problem student will be taken away, Nikita - that it will be easier for him, mom - that everything will somehow resolve itself. At the same time, the mother does not give the recommended sessions with a neuropsychologist, as well as the medications prescribed by the neuropsychologist to help with ADHD: “there is only one chemistry, we don’t need it”.

It is assumed that Nikita will study at a paid university, for which his mother will take another loan. Nikita himself, blushing and stuttering stronger than usual, blurts out: "Yes, I'll run to the fleet, cabin boy!" Mom, as if not noticing the state of her son, says that yes, indeed, when Nikita is doing something on his own or alone with the teacher, he is much calmer, more confident, stops stuttering, can analyze the material for a long time. That is, studying in a highly competitive environment of an elite lyceum is strictly contraindicated for him, in addition, there are a lot of various reasons for distraction in the class: sounds, actions of other children, constant interventions and comments of the teacher. For a person with ADHD, this is not a developmental, but a very blabbing environment.

In addition, will and goal-setting suffer with ADHD. It is believed that the maturation of structures responsible for these higher mental functions lags behind the normatively developed ones by 30%. That is, even if Nikita enters the institute at the age of 16 (I forgot to say, he was pushed into school at the age of six, “to save the year”), he will not be able to study there.

Psychologist's recommendations

Urgently start taking medications prescribed by a doctor, transfer the guy to home school to catch up with the program, after the 9th grade transfer to a simpler school or immediately to a technical school in the chosen specialty. Work with a speech therapist or neuropsychologist for stuttering. Further stay in the Lyceum threatens with serious troubles - from depression to illegal actions.

Strong student - weak school - high-ranking university

Sometimes it happens that, for some difficult reason, a teenager remains in an obviously weak (for him) school: there is no opportunity to travel, he is tied to additional education (for example, he is closely engaged in music or art), all friends are here, he does not feel confident in an unfamiliar setting. And he is going to enter somewhere very high: the Higher School of Economics, Moscow State University, MGIMO and other physics and technology.

For such cases, there is an individual curriculum, full or partial externship, online training.

“The fact that we transferred our daughter to a semi-externship was our best decision in all the years of parenting. First, in the 9th grade, she had two serious infectious diseases in a row, that is, she missed almost everything. Secondly, she always read a lot, studied additionally, was deeply and seriously interested in her topic. And to sit out hours in a stupid school, where teachers spend two-thirds of the time on pacifying the horde - is idiocy after all!

We designed her an individual curriculum, she went to three lessons a day plus additional classes in her subject, went to university for preparatory courses, got enough sleep, did not participate in all these crazy public events, did not go on any excursions. She was not concerned with the sections of knowledge, testing control, extremely rarely she got on the "educational hours", when the head teacher just screamed for an hour, splashing saliva.

Graduated from high school with a medal, university with honors, graduate school. Now he works abroad in his specialty. And how everyone scared and frightened us!"

Psychologist's recommendations

Find out everything about distance education in the chosen specialty: online courses, university courses, summer schools. Agree on an individual plan for the school. Make sure that the child is physically healthy in order to study in a strong institution.

Some special cases

Case number 1

The child has low stress resistance against the background of high intelligence and motivation

This is the example above, where a girl before exams falls into a stupor and panic. It would be nice to get some kind of self-support training for panic attacks. Learn to breathe, meditate, learn the “magic buttons of the brain” - acupuncture points that help with self-regulation. And yet - to reduce the severity of expectations. See the real statistics of admissions, find out what the passing score for this specialty really was last year. Not declared "we take only 100 points", but the numbers in the line "minimum passing score".

“Our son in 11th grade suddenly decided that he wanted to study at MEPhI. For an absolutely idiotic reason: we were visiting our friends, and the owner of the house, a teacher from this university, gave Mitka a task "for quick wits." And he solved it playfully. Our friend was delighted and began to tell us what an amazing place it is, what prospects are opening up, that after the 3rd year you can go to Germany for an internship and so on. Our boy, who until yesterday treated his studies as something completely unnecessary and “what happens to losers”, suddenly got terribly inspired, charged up, roused himself, and began to study … But miracles do not happen, ADHD + extremely indifferent attitude to studies in the previous five years = very average scores in specialized subjects on the exam.

We were not even very upset, because we understood that MEPhI is a very difficult, mind-blowing and brain-absorbing plowing, and this is a marathon, not a hundred meters. But he did! Moreover, he entered the budget department of the coolest faculty! Because only a quarter of the required number reached 100 points, they were taken in the third wave with 68 and even 64 points.

He still took off for the winter session, but the very fact of admission amazed everyone, including himself."

Psychologist's recommendations

In especially severe cases, you can ask the doctor for some more serious drugs, sedatives, in order to get enough sleep and not run on the ceiling. Only, please, no nootropics and stimulants at all! Whoever tells you that it is useful, that “the brain needs to be fed”, that “it will simply improve blood supply and oxygen supply” - no. At best, there will be no effect, at worst, you can get a serious pathology, up to hospitalization. Here is a complex of B vitamins with magnesium - for health. Eat, sleep, walk, go to the bathhouse and get a massage. Relax.

The most important thing to remember is that this is just a test. It is not a life choice. Almost nothing depends on this. In the end, even with the lowest scores, you can perfectly enroll in some seedy institute (for boys to avoid the army) or not go anywhere at all, but take a gap year and work in your chosen specialty in order to understand “what do I want ".

Case number 2

When admission to a complex prestigious university requires all the effort of the whole family

I mean financial strength. Unfortunately, quite often I hear stories like “my mother got a second job, my father takes a cab at night in order to pay for the child's studies in … (substitute the correct one)”. Medical, art, theater, top universities in a currently fashionable specialty, the cost of training in which is comparable to the cost of an apartment.

What is all this for? Do parents realize that most of this investment will never pay off? Yes, I know that in some regions a diploma from a medical institute is a value in itself, but to give several million rubles for confirmation “you are an artist” with the prospect of earning 40-60 thousand later, and not every month? Do you know how much, for example, a civil service lawyer gets? And the provincial theater actor?

I really like the practice, adopted in most European countries, where the student himself takes the loan, and not his parents. This forces the applicant to think much more seriously about what he really wants, what his soul is in, whether he will be able to recoup his education. Otherwise, we get an option that I constantly hear about: "I will graduate from college so that my parents are left behind, and I will open a tattoo parlor."