7 Ways To Become Unhappy Without Help - Self-development, Society

The series of articles "Anti-leadership of the psychologist Ilya Shabshin" aroused great interest among the readers. Therefore, we decided to continue it.

Cycle articles:

1. How to argue “correctly”? Anti-leadership for women
2. Let's talk about it". Antiguidance to Sexual Problems
3. Don't let go and don't give up! Anti-guidance for parents

The first article was devoted to marital disputes, the second - to problems in intimate life, the third - the relationship between parents and adult children.

We hope that the non-standard form of presentation will help the reader to extract and remember the most important. And an attentive reader will correctly "decipher" all the provocative ideas and advice of the author

In order for your complaints to sound sincere and get the desired effect (sympathy, help), you really need to feel unhappy. This does not seem difficult, because there are a lot of ill-mannered, rude, selfish, and even abnormal people around: let someone offend. But is it worth waiting for outside courtesy? It is much better to learn how to feel unhappy unaided, through your own efforts. There are several fail-safe methods for this.

1st method. Strive for maximum results

Many of us received a hint about the first method in childhood from parents or teachers. Remember if it happened this way: you solved four out of five math problems, and mom, or dad, or the teacher says: "Why didn't you solve the fifth problem?"

The school has long been behind us, but the principle “there should be the maximum possible result” can be applied all my life, in various spheres. The algorithm is as follows: you see what the maximum result can theoretically be achieved, and if your performance is lower, then you get upset and criticize yourself. For example, you are participating in a competition or tournament. It doesn't matter how much experience you have, whether you have the ability, what the strength of other participants is. There is only one acceptable result - victory, everything else should not suit, and therefore, for “not winning” one should be scolded and upset.

2nd way. Summarize failures and draw conclusions

The second surefire way to feel unhappy is to summarize a few incidents into a law or a final conclusion. The algorithm consists of two steps.

Step one

Note a few of your failures in any area of your life.

Step two

Make a global conclusion out of them. Do not make the mistake of limiting yourself only to dissatisfaction with a specific situation, the conclusion should be general, total. For example, not "this guy doesn't seem to like me that much," but "men don't like me." Not "it looks like my husband is not in the mood today," but "everything is clear, he has stopped loving me." The second option will make you feel miserable right away.

3rd way. Compare and get frustrated

A great way to easily make yourself feel inferior and inferior is to compare yourself to another person. This method, too, must be familiar to you from childhood. “Look how clean Helen is, and you have all your hands in the sand again”, “Look how Little Johnny sits calmly and reads a book, why are you running around the classroom all the time?” It was so? But how. It seemed to parents, educators, teachers that comparison is an excellent method of education. They understood that their words would make you unpleasant and you would try to correct yourself, to become like a model or standard with which you were compared.

Now you can kick yourself in the same way. The subtlety is that you need to choose the right parameter by which to compare: according to this criterion, you must lose. For example, your peer friend is married, but you are not. You don't have to go into details and think about whether she is happily married, or disappointed, whether she is as successful in the professional field as you are or not. The main thing is that she is married and you are not. So you are worse. Suffer and envy.

Another example. Take a typical male conversation about women. Here is your friend boasting of his many victories. Compare him and your "achievements" and feel like a failure, an inferior man. You don't need to think about the fact that all people are different and everyone has their own path, that the numerous connections of a friend indicate that he does not know how to maintain close relationships and develop them. Do not deviate from the topic, more precisely - from the comparison parameter. He is a real Don Juan, and you are not. Get jealous and worry.

4th method. Remember the mistakes of the past

Suppose there is nothing to be upset about right now. Not a problem, there is a past! And you've probably made mistakes in the past, right? Think back at your leisure of situations in which you did not find the best answer to the question, did not defend your position and conceded, or, on the contrary, behaved too harshly - any option is suitable.

Do you know why this technique can be used endlessly? Because, looking back, "hindsight" you will always come up with a better option for your actions, because now you have the experience that you did not have before.

Suppose, sometime in the past, you chose one of two options: A or B. You thought and chose A, and it turned out to be not the best option. Now you can lament and scold yourself, saying that you should, of course, have chosen option B. This is a win-win move, because now you know that option A is bad, which means that there is a reason to reproach yourself and feel ashamed and disappointed.

5th method. Think about future problems

Do you remember anything bad? And right now there is nothing to worry about? No problem! There is a future! It is not defined, not predictable, and various problems await you in it. So fantasize about what kind of misfortune can be.

Cover all the most important topics: health, family, relatives and friends, work, housing, pets, as well as climate, economic situation, sanctions - the list of topics and reasons for unrest is endless. Feel your insecurity, vulnerability. The voice of common sense will try to convince you that the likelihood of most events because of which you are worried is very small. He will also tell you that you have already successfully solved many problems and will deal with new ones. Finally, this rational voice will prompt you to solve problems as they arise. Don't listen to him, paint horrible pictures in your mind, and immerse yourself in feelings of confusion and fear.

6th method. Don't forget that you are surrounded by enemies

As you've probably already seen from your own experience, humans are insidious and unpredictable creatures. As well-known thinker Jean-Paul Sartre put it perfectly, “Hell is others”. And exactly: how much trouble other people, including those closest to us, have caused us! Therefore, there is reason to suspect each person of bad intentions about you. If it is difficult for you to suspect everyone at once out of habit, then you can choose several people (neighbor, colleague, friend) and try to understand what bad they are up to.

Here is a colleague who greeted you in the morning without a smile - it is clear that he is digging under you, wants to be fired, and maybe even collects dirt. Or a neighbor listens to music late at night - he deliberately interferes with your rest after a hard day. He is probably making even more insidious plans than creating discomfort for you. Reflect in this spirit more often - and you are guaranteed to feel bad.

7th method. Add some laziness and self-criticism

The seventh method is complex. Using it, one must not only think, but also do. More precisely - do not. You don't do the right thing, and you scold yourself for it. The instruction is as follows. Lie on the couch and think about some business. I need to do some wet cleaning, water the flowers, call my mom, pay the receipts, prepare for tomorrow's meeting.

Lie down, do nothing, and think about the following thoughts in your head: “Tomorrow at the meeting they will scold me again - what's the point of preparing? There is simply no strength for wet cleaning. I don't want to call my mother, she will again ask about my personal life, how tired I am of it. Flowers will be patient until tomorrow. I'm just a rag. Why are other people doing well while I have so many problems? I'm a failure. An old, terrible, useless lazy woman. " This combination of idleness and self-criticism will definitely cause unpleasant sensations, up to depression and an inferiority complex.

The seven ways we've seen take practice. Think about which of them you are already using with success? Keep using them, but try new approaches for you - what if it works out well?

Your common sense, articles and books on psychology, friends and family can interfere with plunging into anxiety-depressive states. So that you are not distracted from suffering, limit communication with optimistic, cheerful people, read only negative news and believe all gloomy thoughts that arise in your head. Then the sad Pierrot, and the sad donkey Eeyore, and even the depressed robot from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy will envy your skill