What Divorced Women Regret - Relations

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 20:18

Divorce is always difficult. And after him there is a residue - self-pity, anger at her husband, accumulated resentment. What do women regret after a divorce and how to live on? Family psychologist and writer Olga Romaniv talks about this

1. "I did so much for him"

"I did so much for him, but he did not appreciate me!" - this is what women often say after divorce. The main reason for ending the relationship was precisely this - you lost yourself, dissolved in your husband. Yes, you did everything for him and for him, but where were your desires and dreams?

Psychologist's recommendation

Think about how you were when you met your future / ex-husband, which attracted him to you. Analyze all the years you have lived and all the changes that have happened to you. Be sure to write it down on paper, so you can evaluate not only the actions of your husband and the process of cooling him towards you, but also understand your shortcomings.

Your main mistake is that you put yourself on the altar of the relationship as a victim and did not notice it

Analyze this information, draw conclusions in order to prevent this from happening again in the future.

2. "I worked hard for my family."

The other side of the coin is working for the welfare of the family. This is seemingly true, which is why it became the cause of regret. You realized that building a career and your constant absence from home became the cause of disagreement, displeasure of your husband and, as a result, divorce.

Psychologist's recommendation

What's done is done, and there's no turning back. If you regret choosing a career to the detriment of your family, then you have understood your mistake.

Learn to separate work from personal life, abstract and switch when you come home. Remember: your family needs you, no benefits and opportunities can replace your attention and participation in the life of loved ones

3. "I never asked for anything"

When this reason comes to the fore, think about what it is: you wish you had asked for help or simply did not receive it. Whatever you see as the main reason, the denominator is the same: you took on all responsibility for your family and business, hoping that you would be supported just like that, without any requests from you. You wanted to show yourself strong and undemanding, but in fact it turned out that you deprived your man of the opportunity to be needed and fulfill his duties, and not to withdraw himself.

Psychologist's recommendation

Learn to be weak. Understand that asking for help doesn't make you worse

Distribute household chores, talk about what is important to you, ask them to do homework with the children. These rules will help you come into new relationships and build them correctly.

4. "I did not save our marriage"

This is the reasoning of women who are accustomed to blaming themselves for everything. Your guilt complex closes your eyes to the reality of what happened, you look back and look for your mistakes. This is correct, but you should not dwell on them, because what happened can no longer be changed.

Psychologist's recommendation

Consider the gap from different angles, constructing the algorithm "If I did so, then …" and finding the right way out of each situation. Think about what exactly you did not notice or did?

Draw conclusions from mistakes and do not make them anymore, and most importantly - stop being a victim of situations and circumstances. Take life into your own hands and build it the way you want it

5. "I didn't leave on my own"

Such regret is built on anger and wounded pride. You do not regret the broken marriage, but that you did not initiate the divorce. Today, after the end of the relationship, you are ready to take revenge on your ex-spouse, and not go further. Your goal is to prove your superiority.

Psychologist's recommendation

Understand one thing: it is not important who left whom, but why it happened. Perhaps your spouse could not live with the "queen" as you presented yourself, he needed a woman with whom it is warm and comfortable.

Stop getting angry and thinking about the place. Your man has made his choice, and then your paths diverge. But you continue to live - become yourself and move forward

6. "I didn't know him at all"

Throughout the entire period of marriage, you looked at your spouse through rose-colored glasses, preferring not to notice much. This position is deliberately erroneous - marriage involves trust, support and mutual understanding, and you did not have them. You practically did not talk, everyone had their own world, and you tried to carefully guard the boundaries of your world and were not interested in your husband's life. In this case, there is something to regret - you initially chose the wrong path.

Psychologist's recommendation

As bitter as it may be to admit it, in a divorce, most of the responsibility really lies with you. Think: when you got married, did you want to stay free or be a couple? Perhaps this was the wrong decision and you were just in a hurry. But understanding this will not make your life easier, but will only add reasons for regretting lost years and opportunities.

Look at the situation differently: you have gained experience, understood your mistakes, and there should be no return to this

7. "I didn't develop"

You left everything for your family: your studies, your career, your dreams and prospects. Meeting friends has become a rarity. You limited your social circle, became an exemplary wife and mother, but at the same time, you missed a lot, deciding to give it up.

Psychologist's recommendation

Do not consider the time wasted - then it was your choice, no one forced you to do this.

Now your time has come, stop feeling sorry for yourself, straighten your shoulders and go to your dreams - continue to study and get an interesting profession, sign up for trainings and master classes, and most importantly, stop being afraid that your development will badly affect your family

Everything will happen exactly the opposite: your children will be drawn to you, you will have something to teach them, and a man will appear in life who will share interests with you.