Mom And Me: Psychological Problems Of Single-parent Families - Society

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-11-27 12:13

In fairness, it should be noted that not all single-parent families face psychological problems. There are a huge number of women who correctly prioritize and raise their children. This article is not about them. It is about those who give birth to a child “for themselves” and turn it into the center of the universe

For such women, the child becomes a substitute for all possible relationships - in every sense, a complete family. In general, we will talk about the classics of the genre: mothers who have narrowed the whole world down to the size of their relationship with a child.

Such women live for the sake of the child. On the one hand, it sounds like a good idea to live for the sake of a child. But upon closer examination, it turns out that a woman subordinates her whole life to a child, refuses relationships, does not marry, and all this under the slogan "for the sake of the child."

Everything would be fine if over time the child was not required to live for the mother. It just so happens that the psychological connection between the child and the mother, with the complete absence of another person in this tandem - the father - turns out to be stronger and more emotional than required.

The child and mother are constantly close, do not part, go through difficult stages of growing up together. Of course, they are closer to each other than in the so-called complete families, where, according to the rules, there should be greater closeness between the spouses, the parents of the child. The closeness between mother and child, who from the moment of birth becomes the center of the universe, turns out to be hypertrophied.

Such a mother is in a state of anxiety all the time and experiences various phobias - you never know what will happen to her child … From the kindest and best intentions, she includes total control over him, his life and his personality, goes to school with him almost until 11 class, weighs food, does not let him walk or go to the store alone, fumbles through his pockets, etc. Of course, this control is understandable and easily explainable: a child is the closest creature, his loss is irreplaceable.

The mother experiences fear for the child's life, which has a foundation under itself - the global fear of loneliness. It is he who pushes a woman to such hypertrophied motherhood

Everything would be fine if there were one victim and one character in this story - the mother. This is her fear, her choice, her life. But the fact is that overprotection, total control and ascension to the pedestal cannot but affect the psychological development of the child. Such a close bond between him and his mother completely subdues him, and an interesting phenomenon occurs: the older the child becomes, the more difficult it is for him without a mother.

Such children in adulthood feel extremely unstable psychologically. And how could it be otherwise: my mother lived for him, literally blew away dust particles, controlled everything and did everything for him. It is difficult for such people to find a couple, to arrange a personal life. If it works, then it is difficult to exist within a couple. Such people often get divorced.

Often they project the experience of relationships in their marriage received in childhood: either they try to control everything, which they harass their partner, or, on the contrary, they take the usual position of a child who needs constant care and support. Such alliances are strong. But no matter what kind of marriage a grown-up child who has come out of the mother's overprotection has entered into, he will still project wrong relationships in his family, showing his children this or that bad example to follow. In the case when the overprotective mother leaves this world, her child, even if at that time he has already become an adult, is recovering with difficulty.

The loss of a mother for such a person can be compared to the loss of vision or limbs: it is very difficult to get used to the idea that you can no longer see. The mother was everything for such a child, it is impossible to accept the fact that she is no longer there

The worst thing is that a person raised by such a lonely mother can rarely analyze what is really going on, whether he has problems. It is almost impossible to break the bonds of this crazy attachment on your own. In rare cases, it turns out to be aware of what is happening and seek psychological help in order to work out your relationship with the mother, pull it to a conscious level and connect logic.

The therapy in this case is difficult, sometimes the psychologist manages to connect the mother too, reformat the relationship, sorting out what is wrong. Again, this connection does not arise from malicious intent. Moreover, the mother is sure that she is doing the right thing: she cares, tries, she “puts on the altar” her life for the sake of the child, she wants the best.

Such a woman has many delusions, because she is sure that she has her own mission, sublime and spiritual. She does not even think about what harm she causes to the child's psyche and his further fate with the help of her spiritual mission

In conclusion. All of the above does not mean at all that there is no need to give birth to a child without a husband. It is necessary! If you really want it. But you don't need to do this “for yourself” - you need to give birth to a child for him: to raise a harmonious and happy person.

Before giving birth, think about what your motherhood will be like and what you ultimately want to give your child. Do you want him to grow up to be a strong and independent person or to be forever tied to your skirt? The most important thing in motherhood is to remain an adequate person and live your life.