Table of contents:
- “The kid started picking up pieces of what used to be his steam engine from the floor
- Belt as a weapon
- I was flogged, and nothing …
- Sad statistics
- Single disruptions
Video: To Beat Or Not To Beat? Punishment As A Way Of Education - Society
“The kid started picking up pieces of what used to be his steam engine from the floor
“I can imagine how angry Dad would be,” he muttered anxiously
Carlson raised his eyebrows in surprise:
Because of the steam engine? Why, this is nonsense, a matter of everyday life. Is it worth worrying about this! So tell your daddy. "
Not all, but many young readers, after the Kid's remark, will think that he will get it from dad. And, of course, “hit” means punishment. And what punishment the reader will imagine depends on his experience. Possible options: angry rebuke, ignorance, deprivation (walking, sweets, cartoons, toys). But among the little book lovers, there will certainly be those who can imagine their father's face distorted with anger and a belt in his hand.
Belt as a weapon
It is no secret that in our country, despite the propaganda of non-violent upbringing of children, the attitude towards corporal punishment is quite tolerant. This means that a significant part of society has it in its arsenal. And those parents who do not use them, as a rule, do not condemn the use of corporal punishment.
A child who is subject to a rigid method of upbringing (we will conditionally call it a "belt") will inevitably have a fear of punishment. With the threat of bringing the "sentence" into execution, the baby fulfills all the requirements for him. It seems that the desired result has been achieved: the child "obeys". Here it is - the golden means of getting what you want! However, things are not quite as they seem. Or not at all.
In the long term, this method of education will be completely ineffective! After all, what does the causal relationship between the parent's threat and the result look like: presentation of the demand → threat → act of physical influence → fulfillment of the demand. From time to time, the link "physical impact" drops out of the chain, but it will return there again and again so that the baby does not have the illusion that he can evade his duties (reinforcement of the reflex).
In other words, the child develops a clear system of actions: threat → fear of punishment → fulfillment of requirements. Submission is based on fear. But first, fear is a negative emotion, which entails general changes in the child's emotional background. He becomes excitable, anxious, alert. Second, over time, the feeling of fear dulls and does not work the way it used to. A person, even an adult, cannot experience one emotion equally acutely for a long time, so the effect of the fear of punishment weakens.
At an older age, it is even more difficult to scare a child: his perception of his place in relationships is already changing, and a feeling of autonomy, separation from parental will arises. And there comes a moment when threats not only do not lead to the desired effect, but even meet resistance. And the parent is deprived of the tools to influence the child: the former (fear) has lost its power, and the adult has no other, sufficiently effective. And the parent has lost not only the method of influence, but also the sense of control over the situation.
I was flogged, and nothing …
The experience of many parents shows that the “physical” way of upbringing can be effective only for a short period of time, after which it becomes unproductive, and often has the effect of the ebb tide - along with a decrease in its effect in the “child-parent” relationship, trust and warmth disappear. However, adults do use corporal punishment over and over again. What reasons motivate them?
The most common is tradition. An upbringing tool, passed down from generation to generation, which means that it is not subject to discussion or doubt. So "it should be", "right", "I was also beaten", "from time immemorial it was so"! Another reason is the increased aggressiveness of the adult, which he directs towards the child, and even “with benefit”. And finally, these are mental abnormalities that "untie" the parent's hands (remove internal control), and then the parent perceives the method of corporal punishment as the norm of education.
But what about the children in relation to whom the method of forced education was used? There are a lot of studies that show that this method does not pass without leaving a trace for the child. This affects his personality (such children are often more aggressive than their peers), social skills (have low self-esteem, more difficult to make contact) and, finally, the choice of the method of education in his own family (“relay of violence”).
An international study carried out in India, the United States, Peru and some other countries showed that children are spanked and beaten in all classes, in all social groups, on average 55% of the world's population. True, the prevalence of physical punishment still depends on the social group: 15% of educated Indians and 76% of poor, poorly educated Peruvians slap their children on the buttocks. Children are beaten not with a palm, but with various objects - from 9% to 74% in different countries, on average 39%. Beat in different groups from 0.1% to 28.5%. Up to 20% admit that they shake children under two years old.
American study of the relationship between corporal punishment of a child and parental abuse. In the surveyed families with three-year-old children, 65% of children were spanked at least once during the previous month by one or both parents.
Among the couples who spoke about the partner's aggression towards the partner (87%) - this included not only hitting, but also verbal and psychological aggression - 54% admitted that there was both spanking of children and parental aggression towards each other. When the aggression was mutual, the chances of the parents using corporal punishment were doubled, even after factors such as parental depression, stress, alcohol and drugs were taken into account. Of the five different models of family aggression, only one of the respondents did not receive understanding and support from the respondents, in which only one parent from the whole family shows aggression.
Is it possible to imagine a situation where a parent, who does not accept corporal punishment as a way of education, raises a hand to his child? Yes, sometimes these things happen. When an adult suddenly spanks his child, this is the result of the parent's burnout.
This situation stands apart from the methods of corporal punishment, since it is, as a rule, an isolated case, and he shouts that the parent needs help first. From the feeling of his own powerlessness, he crossed a certain line, and this state is an indicator that the internal resource is exhausted and it urgently needs to be restored. Here you cannot do without understanding and help from other family members / relatives.
If suddenly your hand flew up and the palm is about to fall on the baby's buttock, the first thing to do is to interrupt its flight and take a deep breath. Then you need to analyze your behavior. Are you ready to cultivate fear, aggressiveness, self-doubt in your child? Losing his trust over time? If your answer is no, then don't give your hand another wave.
An adult can force himself to stop by an effort of will (otherwise all bosses would know from the first hand everything that their subordinates think of them). Then you need to answer the question: "Was this impulse of corporal punishment the first time?" If the answer is yes, then this is a reason to pay attention to your condition. Isn't it time to start restoring internal strength? If the answer is negative, it does not mean that everything is irrevocably flawed. On the contrary, this is an opportunity from now on to change the atmosphere in the family, to lay the first brick in the foundation of the child's mental comfort. Finally interrupt the "baton of violence."
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