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Why Are Our Children Lonely? - Society
Why Are Our Children Lonely? - Society

Now many parents are concerned about the problem of socialization of growing children. I have two of my own, they are teenagers. And they do not want to voluntarily get out of their usual habitat. After school, they rush home to go to their rooms. Other mothers confirm this trend.

In a year or two, they have to go to college or look for their first job, but they do not have any skills to communicate with strangers. That everything will be decided by itself, I somehow do not believe too much, I know sad examples from my friends when not bad guys at all did not "fit" into the team. It seems that our children are computer loners. Tell me how to speed up the process of socialization of a teenager?

Olga, 37 years old

I'll start from the end: unfortunately, there is no way to speed up the process of socialization. It (the process) can be optimized or re-created, but first you need to find out what is really going on with your children.

In fact, our children are overwhelmed by communication. Moreover, most often this communication is not by choice (“I want to be friends with Masha and Sasha, with Masha I like to play basketball, and with Sasha - in computer games”), but forced.

Our children spend seven to eight hours daily in extremely close contact with people who are unpleasant to them, and sometimes openly hostile

Teachers who shout, demand, humiliate. Classmates who scream, attack, grab your things, sometimes hit or break something. And there is no way to protect yourself or avoid this communication.

Do you consider this socialization? This is something exactly the opposite of her.

Many (almost all) children also have additional classes, courses, sections after school - music, art. That is, again - in public and with people. I don’t know about you, but, for example, after a day at the office, I need the whole next day in complete silence. And children are deprived of this mercy, they must go to hard work in the morning again.

A modern high school student has a ten-hour working day and a six-day working week. That's more than any working adult

It seems to me that sitting in your room, buried in a tablet, is the body's most healthy response to sensory and social overload.

What can you do if you think your children are having problems?

Step-by-step instruction

1. Understand how things really are. Perhaps, go to school and talk with teachers: does the child know how to approach the teacher, find out, discuss, negotiate? Ask the class teacher how the teenager performs in team disciplines (if any).

2. Ask yourself if your child has positive examples in your family. For example, when you go with your whole family somewhere in nature, on vacation, on a visit, does he see examples of correct social behavior?

3. Think about whether you give your children instructions related to interaction with unfamiliar adults? For example, can he go to the store on his own, where he needs to talk to the sellers? And to the clinic for a certificate? Do you systematically teach etiquette, rules of conduct, pay attention to the behavior of others? Or are you just indignant at his ignorance and awkwardness?

4. Ask if your child knows safety rules. Because, on the one hand, "never talk to strangers," and on the other, "he is so shy, let's get him cured quickly."

5. A very useful exercise is evening table conversations about how your day went. You. Not a biased interrogation about school grades, but the theatrical performance "My Crazy Day at the Office." Or "Daddy and the idiots on the road." Because they see different situations all the time, but to decipher the meaning of what happened, as we later understand, was beyond their strength.

6. If you still think that the problem is more serious than the normal adolescent obstinacy and roughness, come to a consultation with a psychologist. Perhaps group work in a “communication workshop” or individual therapy can be helpful. Sometimes adolescent depression is hidden behind isolation and unsociability, which requires treatment.

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