"I Am Loved Less!" About Unloved Children - Society

2023 Author: Oswald Adamson | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-05-21 20:18

Have you heard the anecdote: "I love my sons the same way - both Artyom and non-Artyom"? The greater the difference in the attitude of parents to the pet and the “other” children, the more the latter's self-esteem suffers. Let's talk about unloved children

Unloved children have no sense of their unconditional worth. They find it difficult to formulate desires. Resentment takes root in their souls for many years. Trying to earn parental love, unloved daughters and sons often become perfectionists and workaholics.

Often, behind such efforts, there is a childish desire to please the mother, to become so ideal that one cannot help but love. But the truth is that perfectionists and workaholics get less warmth and love than they could if they weren't (ideal ones are often hated, not loved, as they think).

As they mature, they become overly attached to those who give them even a grain of warmth. They are always ready to sacrifice their own interests for the benefit of others. And they risk becoming victims of abuse. They have an imbalanced take-give balance: their loved ones, friends, and colleagues do not appreciate their efforts.

Only they make investments: they are called to a meeting or for dinner at the last moment, they may not be raised their salaries, although everyone else is of the same level, and the increase was received months or years ago. They stay in a relationship even if they realize that they are not appreciated. They subconsciously want to “melt the cold mom,” but in the person of the boss, friend / girlfriend or husband / wife.

Situations when parents of one child love more are not uncommon. Adults turn to specialists with this problem. These are either parents who are worried that they are more attached to one child than to another, or grown up unloved children. What can you offer in these situations?

If you are an unloved child

The following steps may help you:

1. Understand that you cannot change the past

The fact that your parents did not love you (or loved you less than your sister or brother) has already happened. The past is the same, even if dad and mom admit their mistake. The pain and rejection you received as a child will stay with you.

There is no point in trying to achieve their love now - it is pointless. You will waste your energy, and the maximum that you will achieve is the guilt of your parents.

2. Give yourself love

This is best done through external acceptance of you as a person. This can be achieved either in a psychologist's office or in the arms of a loved one.

If you choose a non-specialist for external acceptance, I highly recommend that it not be your sexual partner. Otherwise, there will be an intersection of male-female and parent-child relationships.

3. Change children's decisions about themselves

You accepted them when you saw and felt that your parents did not like you (or love your brother / sister more), when you were constantly compared to a sibling and the comparisons were not in your favor.

You can transform your children's decisions either in consultation with a specialist, or using the technique of Jung's 16 associations. You will be able to become aware of what influences your perception of the past. As a result of such awareness, a change in attitude to the situation will occur. A person does not remember the event itself, but the emotion that is associated with it.

The chain of concepts activated by a word changes rapidly if you "attach" new associations to it. This leads to a change in emotional color, so the memory can be "overwritten". You will get a plan for working on yourself and an idea of what your resource is and what needs to be changed (for example, destructive associations).

If you are a loveless parent

It is necessary to accept - that you love one of the children more than the other is normal! This is not your fault! And it is very good if you understand and accept this.

As a first aid to your relationship, you can begin to learn to show warmth, care, and consideration for the child you love less (or even hate)

If you have the opportunity, it is best to see a specialist. The longer you continue to dislike your child, the worse his future will be.