Table of contents:
- Almost all of us have a girlfriend who is not going well in her personal life. It seems that everything is in place, not stupid, not scary, or even a real beauty and clever girl, but the age has stepped over thirty, and on the horizon there are absolutely no applicants for the hand and heart. Can you help in such cases?
- Don't compare with yourself
- Main questions
- Who needs me?
- Live now
- The taste and color - there is a groom
- the Internet
Video: Marry Off Your Girlfriend - Relationships, Society
Almost all of us have a girlfriend who is not going well in her personal life. It seems that everything is in place, not stupid, not scary, or even a real beauty and clever girl, but the age has stepped over thirty, and on the horizon there are absolutely no applicants for the hand and heart. Can you help in such cases?
I want to note right away that there is a small percentage of people who deliberately refuse to get married and have children. They assert themselves in their careers, creativity and do not feel defective or lonely. All that gives them discomfort in this situation is the eternal questions of relatives, friends and acquaintances, when will they get married or get married. If this is your option, then attempts to prove that the meaning of life in creating a cozy nest and raising offspring will not be crowned with success. To each his own, as they say.
But there are also completely different cases. For example, when a friend openly says that she wants to get married and even asks for help herself. Of course, it is better for her to work with a psychologist, but not everyone decides to take this step, and someone does not have enough funds to undergo therapy. Reading specialized books and working on yourself on your own will be very helpful on the way to creating a pair. But since you have taken on the duties of matchmaker and psychotherapist in one person, take the trouble to study the theory personally.
The first thing you need to understand is your own motives. If you are alone, it would be strange to look for a husband not for yourself, but for someone else
Psychologists and matchmakers get paid for their services, but what are you waiting for? In any case, ask yourself the question: "Why do I need this?" Keep in mind that your "activity", even if it reaches its goal, can negatively affect the relationship with your friend. And do not be surprised if instead of joy you feel guilt, and the newly baked bride forgets to say "thank you" …
Don't compare with yourself
Perhaps you yourself have successfully married, but this does not mean that your path to happiness is the only right one. Someone is helped by mini-skirts and loud laughter, someone is inaccessible and mysterious. But both are good when it is characteristic of natural human behavior. If you build yourself out of someone else, then the catch will definitely reveal itself in the future. And you have far-reaching goals. So instead of showing off, it's better to learn how to emphasize your real features.
So, you agreed that you will become an assistant in matters of the heart. The next step is to have a frank conversation in which you should ask your friend key questions:
- Do you really want to get married?
- Is it your own desire or just the demand of others?
- What good will marriage bring to your life?
- Is there anything that scares you in marriage?
- What is the experience of your parents or acquaintances?
- Do you believe that living together with a man will make you happier?
- What's stopping you? Self-esteem? Past love wounds? Memories of a lover? Any flaws in appearance or character that immediately catch your eye?
It is better to write down all the answers on paper and think about what can be done with the obstacles that have appeared.
Who needs me?
Usually the biggest problem for single women is insecurity, shyness, and indecision. Everyone has girlfriends with serious flaws in appearance or unbearable character, but who have been married a long time ago. Or even a couple of times. They like themselves as they are, they are open to communication, and this helps to meet your person. But there are girls whose failure causes bewilderment from the outside: everyone is with her, and men walk a mile away.
Each of us has a certain burden of failures, childhood experiences and problems in relations with parents. And if this burden is beyond your strength, you should not think that someone else will want to carry it. There is, of course, the possibility that such a daredevil will be found. But will this man be happy about it? Would she want to throw the mountain off her shoulders and run away?
There is only one way out - to deal with your "wealth". Self-esteem should be improved, shortcomings should be eradicated, relations with parents should be improved. Even if these parents are not alive or contact with them is completely lost. All this is a huge work, which, of course, is best done in conjunction with a specialist
We need to understand that we can be loved with overweight and dissonant laughter, but only when we love ourselves. A woman should know what the future groom can “covet” “height 180, smart handsome man with a salary of 500,000 rubles”. Let your fiancee tell you what she likes about herself and why her betrothed should marry her. And let these treasures not be a secret until the wedding. A man should see both the beauty, and the kind disposition, and taste the "excellent cabbage pie" before the cries of "Bitter!"
Have your friend write a joke ad copy to compliment herself
“Elena is the bride of your dreams! A beautiful young girl with gorgeous hair and a gentle voice. She is one of the best employees in the office and the most sympathetic friend, resourceful travel companion anywhere in the world. With it, you don't have to listen to lectures or get bored. She will not wake you up early in the morning on a weekend, but will happily soak up your bed until lunchtime. Her homemade pizza is legendary. Nephews know that she will make a wonderful mom. And her hot temper will never let her forget about you, even if you have seven children!"
You can also point out your friend's merits. Perhaps she herself does not notice her strengths, believing that "everyone is like this", "it should be so."
Men are scared away by women with despair in their eyes and an obsession to drag them to the registry office as soon as possible. It is necessary to get rid of the role of the victim and understand that a person is not fed up with marriage alone. What would your friend do if she found out she was not destined to marry? How would she arrange her life? You can find joy in something else besides being in a relationship with a man: work, hobbies, socializing with friends.
A very common mistake is putting off life for later
“After the wedding, I'll start cooking, playing sports, mastering a new profession.” All this must be done now. Cook for friends, go to work, study, buy tickets to Lake Baikal and walk with tents to the forest. Buy a separate home if possible. Fill the hole inside with hobbies, hobbies, pleasant communication. Such a self-sufficient young lady does not look with sad, hungry eyes at the passing men. This woman does not want to feel sorry for and bypass, I want to join her and get infected with her enthusiasm.
The taste and color - there is a groom
Invite your friend to draw up a detailed portrait of the groom, indicating his qualities. To begin with, you can voice everything, even the most insignificant criteria - character, appearance, health, salary, religious views, educational level, interest in sports, etc. In the future, you will have to highlight the main and secondary points, and set priorities. A friend's future husband may not fit in one way or another, and this does not mean that the relationship is doomed to failure. But a woman should know what she wants and what she categorically does not accept.
Now both you and your friend know what kind of groom she needs. Where can you find such a man? It makes sense that you are more likely to run into a doctor in a hospital and an actor on a set. Wealthy people are unlikely to dine in cheap eateries.
Think about whether there is a suitable pair among your acquaintances or colleagues. You can unobtrusively organize an acquaintance at a party, ask for help with the housework, invite you on a joint trip. Take your friend with you to a corporate party or any other event where there are many men. All this will help expand the circle of acquaintances, and hence the chances of having a new couple.
Try to intrigue with a story about a friend, to arouse interest in her. Do not under any circumstances say that you have a lonely acquaintance woman who does not have a personal life. This will immediately give the impression that you are trying to "sell stale goods." Sounds harsh, but reflects reality very well. On the contrary, it must be said that there are enough applicants for her hand and heart, of course, but she hasn’t chosen anyone yet, because she needs a really suitable man, and not anyone. And add: "I think you might interest her."
This type of dating is gaining popularity and, subject to security measures, is no worse than a cafe or cinema. On the Internet, you will meet a huge number of people who fit your needs and are interested in pairing. Many of us have living examples of families created by modern technology. But, like dating in real life, such a relationship can end both in a wedding and in great disappointment.
How else can I help?
- Find good photos for social media and dating sites.
- Give your friend her hair and makeup.
- Borrow a beautiful outfit.
- Look after your friend's children, sick relatives, or cats so she can go out on a date.
- Don't laugh at mistakes, try to cheer up in case of failure.
The desire to help a loved one is natural and commendable, but do not forget that everyone is the creator of his own happiness!