A Nightmare Of False Accusation! How To React? - Relationships, Society

You are having dinner in a restaurant, and suddenly your partner accuses you of liking someone at the next table. You have a long-distance relationship and your partner accuses you of having an affair. You are late for a date and you are accused of being irresponsible. Hearing such accusations, you will most likely feel instability and powerlessness to somehow justify. How to deal with a false accusation?

Some of the accusations are more substantiated than others. A false accusation of crime is an Orwellian nightmare of unimaginable proportions. The estimated wrongful conviction rate in the United States is between two and ten percent, which means that 46,000 to 230,000 of the approximately 2.3 million inmates were undeservedly imprisoned.

How to react when you are falsely accused of having a love relationship on the side?

We all want to be seen and understood. And we experience the pain of exile when we are falsely accused. An anxious, insecure person can erupt into angry tirades, accusing a partner of having an affair or secretly dating a former lover / mistress. Being accused of something we didn't do is maddening and annoying.

Anxious attachment style means we don't feel safe in a relationship. This may be related to past betrayal, and this trauma still takes time and attention to heal. Or it could be due to childhood trauma, if we did not feel securely connected with significant adults

We can live with the conviction that people cannot be trusted, that they will inevitably “disappear” (as our parent may have done), and have affairs that bring chaos into our lives. Without feeling securely connected with our parents, without having enough unconditional love, we may see the world through the eyes of someone who does not feel worthy or deserving of it. And unfortunately, we can search and find evidence over and over again to prove our inability to build a secure relationship.

Finding evidence to support your worst fears is easy. If your partner blames you for something you don't do, here are some possible reasons why this is happening.

It's important to be honest with yourself. This article assumes that you are indeed falsely accused. If you are rightly accused, then you need to admit the truth and deal with reality, and not find clever excuses

Recognize any grain of truth in the accusation

You may not have an affair on the side. But perhaps there is something that your partner caught correctly, just inaccurately put it. You may not be sexually attracted to the person in the restaurant, but nevertheless you find it interesting. This in itself is completely harmless, but it is still worth discussing as two adults are discussing.

Or perhaps an emotional connection has developed between you and the other person, and this affects your relationship with your partner. In this case, it is perfectly understandable why your partner might draw the wrong conclusion from his observations. And yet there is a grain of reason in his concern. You may find therapy to help you get a clearer picture of your own relationship priorities.

If you are being falsely accused of having an affair, your partner may not know how to properly express that he or she feels some distance, alienation in the relationship. Perhaps the grain of truth is that partnerships are indeed under threat from a lack of contact and communication. If that's the case, you probably need to admit that you haven't been attentive enough to the relationship for a while.

In order to eliminate the resulting distance between you, you will need a lot of sincere, sincere communication. It is necessary to find the courage to voice what you lack in a relationship, to express what hurts you, scares you, what you prefer to avoid

Listen to fears and insecurities

You are not having an affair, but your partner may be feeling insecure in the relationship.

• One possible answer might be something like, “I think I understand that you are afraid that I have an affair. I want to assure you that this is not the case … And I wonder if there is something that you need from me to feel more confident in the relationship. "
• Or maybe, “I think you’re catching my aloofness lately. You're right about something. "

Then share your concerns or concerns and reassure your partner that you love him or her and want to put in more effort to show it. And go for it.

Remember who you are

Perhaps the most important thing to remember when falsely accused is who you are. Do not take your partner's opinion of you for reality, do not define yourself through him. Maintaining your self-image as worthy and valuable is difficult when your partner perceives you in a completely different way.

Remember that your partner is in pain. It may or may not be relevant to you. Do your best to listen to your partner without becoming defensive

If you can't solve the problem on your own, it may be time to turn to family therapy to help you hear each other and understand the underlying issues. If your partner does not want to do this, and your assurances do not convince him of anything, perhaps personal psychotherapy can help you to figure out what is the best way out for you.

Author: John Amodeo, PhD