How To Argue “correctly”? Anti-Leadership For Women - Relations

This is the first article from the series "Anti-leadership of psychologist Ilya Shabshin." We hope that the presentation of the material will help to extract and remember the most important. And an attentive reader will decipher all provocative ideas and advice. The next articles in the cycle will be devoted to sexual problems and problems in the relationship between parents and adult children

An argument is a good thing. As you know, in a dispute, truth is born. But few people know how to argue so well, to the bitter end. For those looking to develop their skills and become an invincible argumentative, advice that summarizes the experiences of the most advanced couples will come in handy. For some reason, most of them are no longer together, but that doesn't matter.

1. Don't listen

It is a big mistake to listen to your spouse carefully, trying to understand his point of view. This is a very energy-consuming activity and ineffective. Experienced, successful debaters know: you need to listen to the interlocutor only until it becomes clear what he is wrong about and how to object to him. Listening to it longer is a waste of time; then you need to interrupt him and express your point of view. If the opponent does not shut up, but continues to talk about his own, then you should raise your voice and shout it down.

Of course, he can apply the same tactics to you and interrupt you without listening to the end. But you must not allow yourself to be lost in thought: keep speaking, increasing the volume of your voice. You can say, "Don't interrupt me!" - and express whatever you think, regardless of whether they are listening to you or not.

2. Do not specify

You shouldn't waste time and mental energy trying to make sure that you understood the interlocutor correctly, caught the meaning of his words. What for?! You have your position, your point of view, you feel that you are right - this is the main thing! A dispute with a spouse is not a scientific dispute, we do not seek the truth by weighing the arguments of one side and the other; your task is to defeat the erring adversary, he must admit that he is wrong. Well, or at least you should not retreat and not “surrender” your positions. Therefore, there is no need to clarify whether you have understood your opponent's words correctly.

3. Remember the past

For some reason, our logical arguments rarely lead to the interlocutor admitting he was wrong. In such cases, you should not hesitate and move on to other arguments that are not directly related to the topic of the dispute. It is good, for example, to recall some mistake made by the opponent, especially if she makes him, shall we say, stupid. The statute of limitations does not matter: a mistake made seven years ago will do just fine.

4. Remember relatives

If a suitable sin is not noticed for a person, then nothing prevents him from “attracting” his relatives, friends, colleagues. There is definitely someone bad among them, and this proves (well, almost) that the truth is on your side.

5. Compare with the best

Comparing your opponent to another person also works great - naturally, not in favor of your spouse. The main thing here is to choose exactly the parameter for comparison, according to which the spouse is inferior, and not pay attention to all those criteria where, on the contrary, he wins.

6. Don't let escape

If the spouse tries to end the argument, for example, gets up and goes to another room, then you should never let it go! After all, he can rest, gain strength, come up with new arguments against you - do you need this? You need to follow him, say: "Where are you going, wait, that's always the way, let's talk!"

7. Cry

Unfortunately, sometimes all your efforts may not give the desired result. In such cases, special methods are needed, you can, for example, cry bitterly. Most men will be confused and the attack will stop. Then you can act in different ways. You can immediately stamp your spouse with the accusation: "That's what you brought me to!" Or you can say: “That's enough for today,” but remember this episode and recall it in the next “round”, for example: “Do you want to bring me to tears again ?!”

8. Attract allies

If you see that your own strength is not enough to win, involve "external reserves" in the dispute. This could be your mom (yours or his, depending on her loyalty), your girlfriend, and sometimes even your spouse's friend, if you make the right impression on him. Let your spouse hear not only from you, but also from other close people, how wrong he is.

9. "Recruit" a psychologist

Of course, honest debaters do not do this, but the spouse may offer to go to a psychologist. This is potentially dangerous because a competent psychologist will not enter into a coalition with you against your husband. But all is not lost. First, try to delay this visit. Second, try to find an incompetent psychologist and talk to them in private first.

If the psychologist is a woman, then say the following words: “you, as a woman, will understand me”, “we women understand that …”, “you are a woman, like me, and I would like to count on your help and support ".

If the psychologist is a man, then turn on your charm, at the same time showing that you are offended and you need protection. Given that Counseling Psychologists now have very different educational backgrounds, you may be lucky to have a reputable ally.