Does Motherhood Relieve Loneliness? - Society

Previously, it was impossible to think about not having children, if health allows. Now times have changed, women have more freedom in this matter, although in the minds of some people the female destiny remains the same

Child and a glass of water

I really think that having a child is a purely personal matter for the woman herself. Being a mother is forever. And if a woman has not matured, is afraid or believes that her life can be full without a child, then she has the right to do so. This is her body and her life, and only she can dispose of them.

Unfortunately, our society has not yet come to terms with this idea, and childfree women are still condemned. Although such a choice is much more humane than the "establishment" of children "for themselves", because of the fear of loneliness, because the age has approached, the husband or mother persuaded. Children should not be fillers for parental voids. They should be an extension of love and a conscious choice to “give” more than “receive”. But we are not talking about that now. Does motherhood relieve loneliness, that is the question?

Most women who do not have children are confident that having a child will save them from loneliness forever. But the mothers of one or even several children already know that this is not so. You can, of course, persuade yourself that children are absolute happiness, but somewhere deep down you know that it is also anxiety, tears, fatigue, irritation, lack of sleep and constant chores.

You can lie to others, but not to yourself - mothers also often experience loneliness. A child is not a panacea or a pill. Loneliness lies in another area of our emotional experience. Naturally, you can feel lonely from the fact that you do not have a child, but even if one appears, the loneliness will not go away, but will simply find another reason.

“He will give someone a glass of water,” say well-wishers. But in order for a child to take care of you in old age, it is not enough to give birth to him, he needs to be raised and have a close relationship with him. And this is much more difficult and longer than the period of pregnancy and childbirth

In our country, women over 30 who do not have children cause misunderstanding and pity. There is pressure from all sides - doctors, parents, friends, colleagues, just acquaintances.

It's hard to get away from this pressure. You need to have strong enough psychological boundaries to understand that such questions and requirements are the problem of our society and the very people who terrorize you.

Yes, over the years, the risk of various gynecological diseases, reproductive disorders is higher, the percentage of premature babies is higher, complications during childbirth and the like. But even at a younger age, these risks are not excluded. Our medicine is developing and can help women with all the listed problems.

After all, there are children without parents. No one can take away your right to be a mother if you really want to. The most important thing is the woman's mental health and inner maturity. If they are, then loneliness and pressure from others will not be the reasons for the birth of a child.

The most common feelings of women without children:

• fear of judgment;
• feeling of own inferiority, inferiority;
• shame and guilt;
• a feeling of injustice from the fact that others have children, but you do not;
• anger at others due to pressure;
• despair (especially if there are problems with conception).

As we can see, pressure carries with it rather strong and unpleasant experiences. It is at such moments that a woman can feel lonely and unnecessary.

Pressure from all sides

And here are a few phrases that show how difficult it is for women to protect themselves from pressure:

- The doctor said that it is already necessary to give birth, after 25 years it will be too late.

- Why is it late?

“I don’t know, but the doctor said so.

- I believe that you need to give birth before the age of 30, so that no one says that you are old-born.

- Well, let them say, what is it to you?

- I do not want to be said about me that I am a grandmother to my child!

- My husband and mother persuaded me to give birth.

- But you want it?

- No, but my mother and husband say it's time.

When preparing for motherhood, a woman should rely on her interests, health status, material security, peace of mind, and not on the opinion of others.

Any woman is scared to become a mother. This is so responsible and it is completely unknown what and how will happen next. Someone feels their fear and anxiety, while others it is suppressed.

Many women want to give birth to a child in the future and expect that he will be born in a complete family. But some need time to mature, someone wants to enjoy a carefree life longer, someone is so passionate about their work or travels that they do not yet see a place for a child. And there is nothing wrong with that, each life is unique and should not adapt to generally accepted patterns.