Table of contents:
- This article is about fidelity and about hormones, and that "everything is in our hands!"
- Changing stereotypes about loyalty
- The biological basis of loyalty
- How to maintain a relationship for a long time?
Video: 7 Ways To Keep Your Relationship Longer - Relations
This article is about fidelity and about hormones, and that "everything is in our hands!"
Changing stereotypes about loyalty
It is generally accepted that a lasting relationship requires loyalty. As a rule, this is associated with obligations and debt to a partner. Take, for example, the most common phrases we often hear about loyalty:
- "Loyalty is responsibility to another person."
- "Loyalty is not an innate feeling, but a long-term decision to stay with a partner."
We are invited to look at the relationship rationally: make a decision, take responsibility, pacify our deepest instincts and guard against "passions" for many years.
It is possible that we have learned this understanding from the concepts of Christian virtues and morality. And scientists all the time talk about the primacy of the frontal lobes of the brain. It doesn't matter where it came from or how this idea of fidelity is supported. The important thing is that the main focus is on reason, commitment and duty.
But it's not just about duty and reason! The mind does help a person to pacify desires, but biological mechanisms must also be considered
The brain circuits of desire and love can be so powerful that they easily overwhelm rationality. And then what are we left with?
From time to time, most people experience temptations that compromise the virtue of loyalty. And more often than not, when this happens, they talk about unexpected hormonal fluctuations.
More recently, scientists have assumed that human values such as loyalty have a biological basis
The biological basis of loyalty
Do not think that everything that falls into the category of "hormones" is a destructive force. And hormonal fluctuations don't always mean something bad.
According to research published in the journal Neuroscience, the hormone oxytocin makes men in relationships stay away from other attractive women
An experiment was conducted at the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Bonn in Germany: Researchers asked 57 men (both single and in a relationship) to use two types of nasal spray. The first type of spray contained the hormone oxytocin, the second had a placebo. The young men were then asked to physically move closer to the attractive woman and stop at a comfortable distance from her.
The experiment found that men in relationships who were exposed to oxytocin were farther away from attractive women than men in relationships who were exposed to a placebo. The behavior of lonely guys did not change under the influence of the hormone.
“Oxytocin increases trust in people, and we expected its effects to bring a stranger closer than usual,” said research director Dirk Schille. “But the results were just the opposite. It turned out that the hormone oxytocin increased men's attachment to their partner, and not to an attractive unknown woman."
As a result of these studies, it was concluded that oxytocin can influence the reward zone in the brain, social distance and confirm the status of relationships.
Curiously, oxytocin makes a man feel closer to his partner and increases his affection for her, even when she is not there
How to maintain a relationship for a long time?
The release of oxytocin, also called the "cuddle hormone," occurs naturally. Here are some pretty simple yet effective ways to boost your oxytocin levels.
1st method. Soft touch
This simple tool is familiar to almost all lovers. A gentle touch, subtle stroking is a source of a strong wave of excitement. Unsurprisingly, muscle neurons quickly deliver information about such body contact all the way to the hypothalamus, the center of arousal, reward, and pleasure in the brain.
2nd way. Gentle stroking your partner's back
Researchers at the Los Angeles Medical Center proposed to compare the effect of a 45-minute deep tissue workout massage with a light massage of the same duration. It turned out that the participants in the experiment experienced a greater rush of oxytocin from light massage. Since each person has their own individual perception of pressure, it is recommended to start with very light touches and then increase the pressure as needed.
3rd way. Neck and lower head massage
Tactile contact not only increases oxytocin levels, but also relieves stress. It is believed that the upper back, neck and the back of the head are places where stress builds up. Light contact and massage of these areas can be another tool for the release of oxytocin.
4th method. Hugs upon meeting
Remember that love requires confirmation of loyalty through touch. Sue Johnson (Canada) believes that “most fights are driven by the feeling of being disconnected from a loved one. Stress causes the fear that our partner will not be with us at the right moment. " And therefore, when meeting with a loved one, the most effective means is a hug.
5th method. Initiative
We often expect our partner to take care of us and take an observant position. Try initiating a pleasant contact yourself for a change. Enjoy your actions.
6th method. Sex in the morning
Debbie Herbenick, author of Because You Feel Good, suggests drastic measures. She is convinced that "having sex in the morning produces oxytocin, which affects the well-being and stability of the couple, not only throughout the day, but also in the following week."
7th method. Correspondence in SMS messages
Of course, having good sex can be the shortest route to your partner's heart and oxytocin release. However, it should be borne in mind that the release of this hormone occurs even in the absence of physical contact. This is especially important during separation. For example, when you go on a business trip or stay in different cities for a long time. Write an SMS to your loved one about how you miss his hug. Or dream together about the sexual fantasies that have visited you. Or that you are going crazy with the desire to see him later. Use Face Time or Viber versions for eye contact and virtual hugs.
Of course, there is no guarantee that oxytocin will help maintain 100% fidelity. But knowing how this hormone works can help you stay in a relationship for a long time. Simply replace commitment, duty, and social observance with hugs, gentle touch, and the desire to be in tactile contact with your loved ones
- 1. Scheele D., et al. (2012). Oxytocin modulates social distance between males and females. J Neurosci 32 (46): 16074-6079.
- 2. Hatfield E., & Sprecher S. (1986). Measuring Passionate Love in Intimate Relationships. Journal of Adolescence, 9, 383-410.
- 3. Herbenick D. Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction.