Pay Attention To These 7 Points When Meeting - Relations

Why did I choose him? What is the reason? We get to know each other, we start dating, and then something clicks - my man. How does this happen? Family psychologist Olga Romaniv will help to understand the issue

Was it a coincidence or a pattern?

Our tastes and preferences are formed on an unconscious level in childhood. The first man to become an ideal is the father. Girls day after day see how he looks, how he behaves in society, how he talks with his mother, they know who he works. And this information becomes a specific program, which is further displayed on the choice of a partner.

In adolescence, other images come along - a school teacher, a coach, the best guy in the class, a singer, an actor, or an athlete. Their traits are added to the "piggy bank". And from this total mass, a dream man appears, whom the girl wants to see next to her.

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This collective image becomes the main one when choosing a partner. And even if the man does not fully correspond to him, but only fits in some parameters. It's not that important.

Such an approach in finding a partner becomes a pattern, no matter how erroneous it may be in reality. You follow your usual path without trying to look wider

Attraction of opposites

Another choice is denial. This is a contradictory method that can also be started by parents. You pay attention to people who are completely different from your father, teacher, classmates. And the foundation of the image is the confrontation between good and bad.

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For example, if the father did not earn much or did not have him at all, and the whole family rested on her mother's shoulders, then the girl has the main point: a man should earn decent money. This scenario has two development paths. Or, having matured, the girl herself will achieve a lot in life in order to match the man of her dreams. Or he will enter into a relationship based on a mercantile interest in men.

Pity or sacrifice when choosing a partner can also turn into a negative pattern

What to look for when choosing a partner?

1. Appearance

Appearance is rarely the determining factor. A man may not correspond to your ideas about a handsome prince, but at the same time be charismatic and make a good impression. It is important that you like the man and not everyone around you.

2. Common interests

Nothing brings common interests closer together. This is not just a pleasant pastime, but an opportunity to get to know each other better. And if, for example, a man said that he loves opera, like you, and he himself was clearly bored in the theater, then he just wanted to make you a pleasant surprise. It's great when you have common interests. But do not strive to love absolutely everything that your chosen one is fond of, each of you should have a personal space.

3. Intelligence and sense of humor

Without these qualities, your chosen one will quickly get bored with you. It is easy to communicate if your intellectual level is about the same and your sense of humor is similar. Don't laugh at jokes if they really don't seem funny to you. Sooner or later you will get bored with this, and the man will be sincerely surprised, because before he could easily make you laugh.

4. Compatibility of temperaments

It is very difficult to get along with people with different temperaments, and it's not just about sexual compatibility. It is quite difficult for an active and active choleric person to find an approach to a person of a melancholic type. And in an intimate life, the inconsistency of temperaments becomes one of the reasons leading to a break. Your temperaments should be close, then it will be easier for you to communicate.

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5. Personality traits

Pay attention to both the merits of the chosen one and his shortcomings. Do not try to reshape a person to fit the invented template, this can only cause irritation.

6. Environment

Look at the friends of your chosen one, communication with them will provide additional information, and also help to see how he is in a free friendly atmosphere. “Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are” - the person's environment can tell a lot about him.

7. Professional opinion

If you find it difficult to make a choice, and in a relationship you continue to choose the same type of men that does not suit you, then you should contact a psychologist. It will help you understand yourself and determine the real, and not the apparent, life needs.