The Gift Of Self-Compassion - Self-development, Society

Feeling love and compassion for others can be difficult. But loving yourself and empathizing with yourself can be even more difficult. Why do we often treat ourselves the way we never treat others? And what does it take to feel more compassion for yourself?

Plato famously said: "Be kind to everyone you meet, for he is fighting a difficult battle."

This wise phrase applies to us too. Each of us has faced betrayal, adversity and loss - and, unfortunately, even more difficulties lie ahead. Life will be less stressful and more fulfilling if we learn the art of self-compassion.

Why is it so hard?

We may have internalized the idea that we don't deserve to be happy. Perhaps we grew up with neglect or abuse, and did not receive the message that all children need: We are valuable who we are and we are loved. Attachment trauma can make it difficult to connect safely with yourself and others.

Self-compassion is also made more difficult if we cling to memories of our failures or grievances that we had when we were younger and less wise. We can minimize positive self-perceptions and our good qualities.

Neuroscientists know that our brains are designed to notice negative things faster. Our survival as a species is based in part on our ability to scan our environment for danger to avoid injury and destruction. There is little survival benefit in being able to relax and enjoy beauty - inside or out. Perhaps this ability is part of an evolutionary process that allows us to move from survival to prosperity.

Self-compassion begins with the realization that we have a right to be happy. The Founding Fathers of the United States believed that the pursuit of happiness was so important that they enshrined it in the US Constitution.

However, this does not mean that happiness is a right. To live a fulfilling life, you first need to create a solid foundation. It takes a lot of work and attention. This includes a moral dimension

It is impossible to find inner peace and happiness if we ignore the needs of others and the world around us - or worse, if we harm people. Narcissism not only harms others, it destroys ourselves as it traps us in a tight, limited world.

Love yourself

Finding inner peace and happiness means cultivating self-compassion. This is easier said than done. Self-love and self-compassion is about more than taking a warm bath or buying cute things, for example.

Self-compassion is an inner work. It has to do with how we think we are, how we feel about our feelings

Can we find the strength and resilience in ourselves to embrace the full range of emotions? This will require the use of all of our inner resources to help us meet our feelings with tenderness rather than judgment.

Being human sometimes means fighting unpleasant emotions

The next time you feel sadness, loneliness, fear, pain, embarrassment, or some other unpleasant feeling, try taking a few light breaths first and then paying attention to the feeling in your body right now. Is your body sensation prickly, dense, heavy, nervous or…?

See if you can let the emotions and bodily sensations associated with them just be there, without judging the feeling or criticizing yourself for it. Can you let them be there without being afraid of him or feeling ashamed? Or just pay attention to fear or shame and try, if you can, find a way to be caring with that feeling too.

Compassion means accepting ourselves as we are. This means meeting any of our feelings with love and tenderness, and not trying to fix ourselves or get rid of them. It means being your own best friend

It may sound strange, but self-compassion serves others as well. By feeling more peace within, we can be more generous with others. By learning better and becoming more caring for our own feelings, we can cultivate compassionate attention for others when they are upset, upset, or depressed.

Author: John Amodeo, PhD