7 Facts About Emotions - Self-development

Much has already been written about emotions, their formation in childhood, problems associated with improper upbringing and the ban on emotions in the family. However, in consultation with clients, there is often confusion about this issue. So what are emotions and how to use them properly?

It is possible to highlight the main directions and issues that usually have to work in the sessions.

7 facts about emotions

1. Ban on emotions

Emotions are never good or bad. If a feeling of guilt or awkwardness is born about some kind of emotional state, then this is most likely due to the upbringing, rules and attitudes in the parental family: “you cannot get angry,” “boys don’t cry,” etc.

If you feel guilty about some of your emotions, it makes sense to start to deal with it and learn to feel and express your feelings without guilt and fear.

2. Non-positive emotions are normal

A healthy person is normally able to experience and express the full range of emotions:

• if you are feeling sad, grief, sadness, this is normal;
• if you have a difficult situation, you are going through difficult times - the fact that you can be in anxiety, longing, fear, and other negative feelings most of the time is also normal.

After the loss of someone or something valuable to oneself, a person normally goes through a stage of mourning. The more valuable what we have lost, the more acute the state will be and the stronger the emotions.

It is worth worrying if you "get stuck" in one emotion for no apparent reason, or if "depression" lasts longer than 4-6 months. In this case, it does not hurt to consult a specialist, because it is easier to prevent some kind of disorder than to cope with it for years if it is running.

3. Reactive state

In an extreme situation (car accident, death of a loved one, sudden acute situation), a person can experience and express his feelings in a way that is not quite usual for himself:

• shout,
• get very angry
• throw something,
• run,
• hysteria, etc.

This does not mean that he is crazy and deranged. This is how he reacts to the situation, this is a reactive state. When the reactive state has passed, the emotions will be different.

In an acute situation, it makes sense to support the person, to be around, and not to be afraid of manifestations and not to stigmatize the person.

4. Inadequacy: sometimes that's okay too

Can emotions be inadequate? Yes.

There may be a reason for this, or they may become so due to the intensity of the feelings.

Emotion, as a rule, corresponds to the situation, the context in which it is experienced:

• if during the funeral someone begins to have fun and express glee - this is not very adequate (although you need to look at the reason for this behavior - maybe a hated tyrant has died);
• hitting a person and getting angry with him at the moment when he gives you a birthday present is also not very normal (although it can also depend on what kind of person is the giver and what kind of gift).

Emotions may not be very consistent with the situation in terms of the strength of experience and expression. If you stepped on your foot in the subway, and you got so angry that you smashed half a car, it turns out that the emotion of irritation itself was adequate, but its strength was not quite normal.

If you observe this, it will be useful to go to see a psychologist, because, most likely, the body gave such a reaction not to this particular situation, but to something else that it reminded you of (by the way, a person does not always remember, what exactly she could recall).

Or another option - you do not know how to express your feelings, accumulate them in yourself, restraining yourself all the time, and then the "steam boiler effect" happens: another drop - and everything explodes to hell.

5. Expression of emotions

Almost everyone (especially people who nevertheless reached a psychologist or read a lot of psychological literature) have the following attitudes:

• it is useful to understand feelings;
• it is impossible to accumulate feelings in oneself, they then "turn" into psychosomatic diseases;
• it is useful to express emotions;
• if you are loved, then all your feelings are accepted.

Moreover, very often people confuse the adequate expression of feeling and affect. What happens as a result:

• the person learned that emotions should be expressed, that loving people should accept him with all his feelings;
• he begins to allow himself in family or with friends screaming, violent emotions and even insults ("so that emotions do not get stuck");
• and is offended that he is not accepted with such manifestations (does it mean that they do not love him or do not really love him?).

When psychologists talk about the expression of emotions, they still mean a civilized and adequate process that does not violate the boundaries of another person.

Another common point: the expression "talk about their feelings," understood as that speak with relatives now need to always and all the senses, and especially of the negative. And the person begins to try, believing that he so heals the atmosphere in the family and builds close relationships. But in fact, it does not distinguish the eco-friendly expression of emotions from their "drain" to another.

Normally, an adult is able to:

• contain your emotions;
• experience them inside;
• deal with them yourself.

He does not need someone all the time who will constantly listen to him, worry with him and support. All this is required for a child, since it is difficult for him to contain everything himself, but not for an adult.

An adult knows how to sort his feelings and express them when there really is an inner need or need for it. He can understand and consider the relevance of self-expression

If you always need another person and his support in your experiences, then it makes sense to take a course of psychotherapy in order to learn to rely on yourself and cope with feelings on your own. Believe me, life after that becomes much easier and much freer.

6. We are not responsible for other people's feelings

Our responsibility extends only to our feelings and actions. It may seem unusual, but we cannot "upset the Other with our action." We can do an act, and the Other can be upset about it or not. His emotional response is his responsibility. The same is the case in the opposite direction: no one can make you angry or spoil your mood, but you yourself can get angry or upset about someone else's action.

Unfortunately, since childhood we have been told that we are responsible for what other people experience (“you upset mommy”, “you angered the teacher yourself”, etc.). As a result, if a parent hears from a child: “You are disappointed with my grades in school, but this disappointment is only yours, mom. I had no intention of upsetting you,”he will not immediately realize (or maybe he will not even understand what it is about) that this is pure truth and the child is right.

7. Responsibility

We are responsible for the feelings that we cultivate within ourselves

We can experience any emotions, but whether we “feed” them, cultivate them, depends only on us.

In other words, we ourselves answer:

• for habits and habitual reactions;
• for making ourselves suffer, mentally adding fuel to the fire and strengthening some feelings;
• for the formation of their emotional background.

Suffering or learning to live happily is our only choice.

In addition, we are responsible for the ecology of the space in which we live and communicate

Our "emotional habits" affect those who interact with us. We can make the atmosphere worse or better with our emotions.

It is our responsibility to take care of our emotional well-being and well-being, because it is in this state that we contribute to a healthier atmosphere around us.

You probably noticed that sometimes you become infected with the emotions of another - you start to get nervous next to an irritated person or calm down next to a calm person. Be sure that you are not only getting infected, but also infecting your emotional background.

The kinder and more harmonious each of us is, the more prosperous the world as a whole will become. Do you want to make the world a better place? Begin with yourself