Table of contents:
- What are the main reasons for conflicts between mother-in-law and son-in-law? They are varied and sometimes not obvious. Let's figure it out in order
- Reason 1. Late separation
- Reason 2. The tricks of narcissists and loners
- Reason 3. Blurred boundaries
- How to deal with this?
- Step-by-step instruction
Video: Mother-in-law And Son-in-law: Causes Of Conflicts - Relationships, Society
What are the main reasons for conflicts between mother-in-law and son-in-law? They are varied and sometimes not obvious. Let's figure it out in order
An incredible number of jokes have been written about the mother-in-law with her son-in-law, and a huge number of vines have been created. And why? Because their relationship is often similar to the smiles of hungry sharks - I won't eat you, but I'll bite you with joy. It is worth noting that not a single shark in this confrontation will miss its chance to use its teeth.
Yes, it happens that the mother-in-law really attacks, and this is expressed in the phrases "Yes, he earns little, does not breathe that way, or thinks how you got in touch with him at all" or "You hammered the nail incorrectly, the shelf hangs crookedly, you drive badly, but you will learn”and further in the text.
The attacks from the mother-in-law mostly occur "with good intentions", but more like blows with a stick on the head. Agree, if you are attacked in a dark alleyway, hit on the head with a bat, but they do it with a sweet smile, then you will not call this hit pleasant anyway.
It's the same story. However, it should be noted that the mother-in-law is not always evil, and the son-in-law is beautiful.
In this article, we'll look at the root causes of conflict.
Reason 1. Late separation
There is a joke: "Mom has lived her life, she will live yours."
If the daughter is not separated, her mother will always be the third in the matrimonial bed
Why it happens? Because the daughter did not go through the stage of separation from her mother, and the mother, in turn, could not let her daughter go.
Most of these mothers are sincerely convinced that they know much better what to choose and how to act for their child, so that his / her life is honey.
Moms' beliefs are their own business. But the saddest thing is that an unseparated daughter thinks the same way
Yes, sometimes mom really knows something better. But the point is that until a person, in this case a daughter, makes his mistakes and steps on his own rake, the lesson will not be learned, and the misunderstanding will remain misunderstanding.
This whole situation looms in the conflicts between the mother-in-law and the son-in-law - the mother-in-law knows better what a son-in-law should be to make her daughter happy.
Reason 2. The tricks of narcissists and loners
Which women become the most conflicted mother-in-law?
1. Narcissists who assert themselves at the expense of their children - daughter and her husband
It is important for them everywhere and everywhere to be ahead of the whole planet, the most noticeable in any choir. Such mothers begin to compete with their daughter, seeking the attention of her chosen one by any means.
The reason is that internally they have not yet become mothers. And they still remain in that disco age when it is necessary to compete for the attention of boys
2. Women who have lost their husbands at some point in their lives
Such mother-in-law perceive the daughter's husband as their property. They begin to push around the son-in-law, give him tasks, they want the son-in-law to make repairs, take them back, buy medicines, food and slippers for their favorite dogs.
If the son-in-law of such a mother-in-law has well-defined personal boundaries, then he will be able to politely but clearly put the wife's mother in her place. If things are not so simple with personal boundaries, then conflicts are inevitable.
Reason 3. Blurred boundaries
For the most part, the question is not what kind of mother-in-law, but how you know how to handle her.
If a person at first did not build his own boundaries, and then complains about an unfair attitude towards himself, then the opponent is no longer to blame - he simply addresses and interacts as he was allowed.
If you are a couple, the relationship is developing in the best way, but at the same time you are financially dependent on the wife's parents, then do not be surprised that the mother-in-law and father-in-law will dictate where to hang the picture, which sofa to buy, and in general in what position and on what days it is better to have sex. to give them a grandson for their 50th birthday.
They do this for one simple reason - they don't take their son-in-law seriously. The situation can be aggravated by the fact that the son-in-law lives in his mother-in-law's apartment or, at worst, in his wife's apartment.
How to deal with this?
So, what should you do to minimize conflicts between mother-in-law and son-in-law?
1. First, it is important to determine if the daughter is separated.
2. If everything is in order with the separation of the daughter, then you need to pay attention to the personal boundaries of the son-in-law.
- Are they placed?
- Does the mother-in-law know to keep a distance?
- Does she know the rules for communicating with her daughter's family members?
3. If everything is fine with personal boundaries, then the personal characteristics of the mother-in-law may be the cause of conflicts. We learn to accept or ignore them depending on the situation.
In any case, the conflict arises from the filing of all its participants. And the position "he / she is bad, and I am good" is obviously losing.
If someone from your family members takes such a position, this indicates a shifting of responsibility, which does not give any way out of the conflict.