Adultery. Post-Cheating Therapy - Part 3 - Relationships, Reviews

• Spring M., Spring J.
• Adultery. Therapy after infidelity
• Publisher: Tsentrpoligraf, 2017

Treason is one of the worst words in the language. It is saturated with bitterness, behind it is the pain of parting and the ghost of loneliness, it pushes us to the abyss of eternal separation. But is it? What lies behind the betrayal and where can it lead?

Read also:

• Adultery. Therapy after infidelity. Part 1
• Adultery. Therapy after infidelity. Part 2

Dr. Spring tells you how to heal bleeding wounds of the soul, how to help both partners get through a difficult period of life, how to survive in a hurricane of passions and find each other again, how to regain love and trust and build strong and close relationships that you never dreamed of. We continue to publish excerpts from the book “Adultery. Therapy after infidelity."

Reaction to cheating: "Is it normal how I feel?"

Your mind and body are in a state of shock. The world has lost order and justice, and you have lost control of your own life, you have lost your self-respect, the concept of who you are. It seems to you that everyone has left you - family, friends, God. You have become a stranger to yourself, and you are thrown from one extreme to another - either you are confident and know how to act, or you feel humiliated and miserable. Once in the midst of passions, you may well ask the question: "Am I losing my mind?"

I want to assure you - no. What you are experiencing is a normal reaction to traumatic circumstances. Your head is spinning not only from the breakdown of the relationship, but also from the loss of the illusion that you are special to your partner and that the intimacy you share with this person will last forever. It would be strange if you didn't feel lost in the face of such devastating news.

The healing process begins when you sort out your feelings and understand the nature of your pain. The important thing to remember is that the biggest threat to healing is the loss of hope itself.

Physiological effects of cheating

At this point, physiological changes in your nervous system and cognitive functioning are quite possible. Because adrenaline and other stress-related hormones are released in huge quantities into your sympathetic nervous system, you are constantly in a state of arousal. You are looking for signs that your partner is back on a crooked path. Due to chronic agitation, you cannot sleep for a long time and often wake up from the slightest rustle. Fatigue comes over you because you sleep too little and think too much.

Your brain is tormented by vivid unpleasant memories, feelings, images. As soon as you fall asleep, disturbing dreams overwhelm you. As soon as you wake up, you are lost in the surrounding space.

Changes in your nervous system can overwhelm you with terror and feelings of helplessness. “The whole apparatus of coordinated, coordinated and purposeful action is shattered,” says Abram Kardiner, describing the neurophysiological effects of trauma.

Other, completely opposite psychological changes are caused by the release of endogenous opioids, similar to morphine, into your nervous system. This dulls pain and protects against stress. In other words, your body shrinks, goes to sleep, turns off.

Your gamut of feelings and sensations shrinks, and you lose interest in relationships and activities that you enjoyed just a week ago. You are struggling to pull yourself together, but you cannot. Your brain is wandering in the dark. You are unable to concentrate. At work, you stupidly shift papers from place to place; at home just sit and gaze into the void. Having lost confidence in your ability to contact the outside world, you withdraw into yourself, in your isolation. You seem to be numb and out of touch with reality.

The psychological impact of cheating

There are nine types of losses that you, the injured partner, can experience. These are all variations on a fundamental loss, one that is more significant than losing a partner: losing yourself. It can be difficult for you to recognize this loss as none of its forms are tangible. And although others do not notice any special changes in you, everything inside you is bleeding. And you suddenly realize that you have lost:

• 1) your personality;
• 2) feeling that you are special;
• 3) self-esteem due to low self-esteem and loss of faith that you are able to return a partner;
• 4) self-esteem due to the inability to admit that you were mistreated;
• 5) control over your thoughts and actions;
• 6) a fundamental sense of order and justice in the world;
• 7) faith in God;
• 8) communication with other people;
• 9) the goal in life - even the very desire to live.