Table of contents:
- What do women do who have been trying unsuccessfully to get married for many years? Some blame men for their failures: "They are all goats!" Others are looking for external causes of the problem, working on their body, style, image. The first is simply pointless, unless it helps the already existing low self-esteem not to collapse completely. But the second does not bring the desired result, because the true causes of chronic failures in the field of love relationships are internal, psychological. Let's analyze three of them, the most common
- If Nikanor Ivanovich's lips were put to Ivan Kuzmich's nose
- I see a purpose, but I do not see obstacles
- Her own screenwriter
- The exit is the same as the entrance
- Priority - partnership
Video: Three Reasons For Women's Love Failure - Relations
What do women do who have been trying unsuccessfully to get married for many years? Some blame men for their failures: "They are all goats!" Others are looking for external causes of the problem, working on their body, style, image. The first is simply pointless, unless it helps the already existing low self-esteem not to collapse completely. But the second does not bring the desired result, because the true causes of chronic failures in the field of love relationships are internal, psychological. Let's analyze three of them, the most common
If Nikanor Ivanovich's lips were put to Ivan Kuzmich's nose
Reason 1 - unrealistic (overestimated or even contradictory) requirements for a potential partner
Many successful women in the business sphere see as a spouse only a man who has achieved even greater success than her: material wealth, position, fame. In this case, the candidate must be single and it is desirable that he did not have children from his first marriage.
Why is this approach wrong?
First, it is a mixture of criteria related to marital relations and factors that have nothing to do with them
We are "hypnotized" by ideas of achievement - this is considered valuable.
One of my clients, choosing from two gentlemen, preferred the one about whom there is an article in Wikipedia. But psychological compatibility, the ability and desire to love, to take care of a partner, the willingness to work on oneself, to make compromises - all this has nothing to do with popularity, status, bank account - these are different dimensions.
Secondly, the woman does not consider that no man lived as a hermit in anticipation of meeting her.
Therefore, his past life is not a blank sheet of paper, he has a background, and this is not something "superfluous".
It should be noted that a woman often likes men who are successful with the other sex, but she wants to be the only one, demands fidelity and wants a man to stop looking at other women altogether.
Maybe for a proud ego it is great to win a prestigious trophy, leaving rivals with a nose. However, after a short period of euphoria, not such festive weekdays will come, since women's attention to a man will not go anywhere and there will be a million reasons for jealousy. With such incorrect attitudes when choosing a partner, you won't go far.
I see a purpose, but I do not see obstacles
Reason 2 why the relationship does not reach the registry office - too strong desire to "get married urgently"
Under the influence of various factors (social "norms", the model of parents, the marriage of girlfriends, pressure from relatives, her own anxieties), a woman develops an overvalued idea - marriage.
A woman straightforwardly strives for her goal, presses on a man, throws tantrums or gloomily keeps silent, not getting what she wants. But such behavior only delays the achievement of what she aspires to. A man is in no hurry to make serious decisions when the relationship with his girlfriend is so complicated and there is so much negativity in it.
It turns out a vicious circle: the woman says: "Marry me - and I will calm down!" - and the man replies: "No, first you calm down, then we will get married." To the chagrin of women, I have to say that the first step towards getting out of this vicious circle should be taken by them.
Her own screenwriter
The reason for 3 persistent failures in love relationships is called "script" or "script"
This is an early childhood decision, which the woman has already forgotten, but which has not been canceled and continues to be implemented. For example, if the girl's dad offended her mother, then the child could decide: “I don’t want this for myself, I’d better stay alone”. And it doesn't matter that the adult part of the woman wants to get married, the unconscious attitude will win anyway.
You can suspect that a script is working in your life mainly by repeating (with variations) plots. An acquaintance occurs, everything is going well, relations are developing, things are moving towards marriage. And suddenly the picture collapses, a break occurs. The reasons (external) can be different: jealousy, illness, betrayal, moving, changing jobs - it doesn't matter, the result is always the same - parting. And no matter how painful the situation may be, this is exactly what is written in the script (see above the wording of the children's decision).
The exit is the same as the entrance
All three of the reasons that a woman is unable to get married considered are, one might say, psychological programs that govern thoughts, emotions and behavior. Until these programs are canceled and replaced by others, the desired changes in life will not occur, no matter how hard you try.
In the first and second cases, a woman can carry out this work on awareness and replacement of old views, priorities and attitudes on her own. It is necessary to make a list of what is important in a man as in a husband, critically review all points and discard everything that has nothing to do with family life. Remember that there is no ideal; you need to look for a person who suits you personally to build mutually harmonious relationships. Do not overestimate the "bar" by not the most important criteria.
To loosen the grip of the “get married urgently!” Fix, give yourself permission to not live up to the expectations and ideas of your family, friends, and friends about how you will live. You were not born with a mission to live up to someone else's expectations and expectations. Cultivate autonomy: “I would like to create a happy family, however, while there is none, I live a full, happy life” - the attitude should be essentially like this.
In the third case, the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist is needed, since it is possible to recognize your scenario, identify how it turns on and work, and then rewrite it to a new one, together with a specialist.
Priority - partnership
Nowadays, many women work, earn money, make a career, and therefore some of the motives for marriage, which have been relevant for many years, are no longer valid. Working women do not need a breadwinner, they themselves provide and organize for themselves the lifestyle that they like. Numerous services help to solve various household and other problems.
In this regard, a woman's requirements for a man as a potential husband change. He is expected not only to receive a salary, but also to take care of the family in the sense of active participation in all matters, emotional support, and responsibility for decisions made. In other words, the modern woman is looking for a reliable man for mutually harmonious partnerships. And finding the right person is difficult.