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Video: Adultery. Therapy After Infidelity - Relationships, Reviews
Can a couple survive cheating? Yes. But this can only happen if each of the couple is ready to take an honest look at himself and his partner and acquire the skills that will be required to see himself in the fog of the crisis.
What is adultery?
- Spring M., Spring J.
- Adultery. Therapy after infidelity
- Publisher: Tsentrpoligraf, 2017
Should we consider sexual intercourse as cheating only? What about kissing? Or lunch? I am not trying to answer this question, because in the end, only what matters to you personally is important. The abuse of trust depends entirely on what you agreed on - or thought you did.
In fact, each of you will think that you have been cheated on if your partner has had sex with a third party, no matter if it was one night or a long-term relationship. But many of you will also decide that they have been betrayed and that they are definitely in danger, even with the simple intimate behavior of your partner - say, hugging or sending a dozen white roses.
Three conclusions I don't make
I do not make generally accepted conclusions whether adultery is good or bad in itself. What works favorably for one of you can devastate and destroy the other. However, I have found that long-term romance without the consent of both partners conserves dysfunction in the relationship and makes intimate attachment almost impossible. If you are a cheater who is seriously considering renewing a relationship, then, in my deep conviction, you should leave the subject of your passion.
I do not divide the two of you into victim and deceiver, into devotee and traitor. Each of you must take on a share of responsibility for what happened. Instead of blaming, I urge you to look at the sides of yourself that led to the betrayal and try to change and restore trust and intimacy. This does not mean that I believe that you are equally responsible for the romance - no one is pulling anyone on a rope. But both of you are responsible for creating a space that a third person managed to wedge in between.
I am not suggesting that you stay together at all costs or run away because you are unhappy. Instead, I invite each of you to explore the circumstances with me and decide whether to start or leave a lover, agree to a reunion or not. Your decision should be well thought out and not based on emotions alone. Feelings can betray you.
Who is this book for?
I wrote "After the Infidelity" mainly for those people who are looking for an opportunity to repair a relationship after one or both have been unfaithful.
My book is also for:
- people whose relationship ended as a result of infidelity, who hardly makes their way through this experience and wants to understand why the relationship did not survive and what measure of responsibility for what went wrong, they should take on themselves;
- people who want to better understand the betrayal they experienced in their families while growing up in order to avoid similar behavioral clichés in their own relationships;
- professional or spiritual leaders who host individuals and couples who have experienced adultery;
- partners who are considering having an affair and who want to better understand their feelings before taking an irreversible step;
- partners who are considering the advantages and disadvantages of recognizing a terminated relationship;
- partners who are not going to disclose the terminated relationship, but still want to restore the relationship and learn more about themselves;
- partners who suspect their soulmates of infidelity, but have never spoken to them directly;
- couples who, in addition to treason, are fighting over other secrets, lies and issues of trust;
- couples who want to learn how to deal with the inevitable disappointments of married life before turning their eyes to the side.