Table of contents:
- Many interpret the concept of "self-love" too narrowly, although it has several levels and facets. Yes, for someone to work and not strain is about self-love, for another self-love is a massage three times a week, but for that girl these are new shoes … But what is it all the same? And most importantly, how to love yourself and why is it necessary? Let's figure it out
- Do you love yourself?
- Reasons for not loving yourself
- It's time to love yourself
Video: What Is Self-love? - Image, Self-development
Many interpret the concept of "self-love" too narrowly, although it has several levels and facets. Yes, for someone to work and not strain is about self-love, for another self-love is a massage three times a week, but for that girl these are new shoes … But what is it all the same? And most importantly, how to love yourself and why is it necessary? Let's figure it out
Do you love yourself?
Self-love is about the ability to support yourself and not gnaw from the inside for mistakes. Ability to choose yourself and protect yourself from imposed information. And it's also about allowing yourself to choose the best available, to communicate with those who love you, and not offend and humiliate you.
Some of us think, "I love myself because I put golden cream on my ass." But if at the same time a person does not get enough sleep, eats on the run, does not arrange a full-fledged weekend for himself, is in an environment that does not suit him, and plows three jobs with nothing to do, then no golden cream will help.
Think about whether you love yourself? Just do not try to make excuses or "adjust" the answer if it turns out that you do not love
What is in your life, what you broadcast to the world and in general how you live, is yours. It's another matter if you are not satisfied with this, but there is also a way out - to change. If you don't love yourself, then let's look at the reasons.
Reasons for not loving yourself
A child has not yet been born on the planet who would consider himself bad, lame and unworthy of love. Well, you must admit that this is impossible even in theory.
Can a child consider himself worthy of love and a good relationship if his parents are always unhappy with him, compare him, humiliate him?
I am sure you will give the correct answer to this question. So, where do the legs of self-dislike grow from?
Do not live directive
The toughest parent directive. For example, my mother was afraid / did not have time to have an abortion and, as a result, an unwanted child was born. They may say to him (hiding behind a kind of joke): "If not for you …" or "We were waiting for a sister, and you appeared by chance."
In such situations, the child will definitely not have self-love, because this love is not around him and he does not understand where it comes from at all
But, in addition to dislike, the formation of victim behavior is likely. A person himself looks for trouble and provokes danger, as if unconsciously trying to commit suicide. Such children often find themselves in unfavorable companies, they always break something for themselves and, as it were, shout to the world, to their parents: “Pay attention to me” - simultaneously with “I will hide, I will dissolve, I will not interfere”.
The influence of the schizoid parent
Parents of this type also approach the upbringing of a child only from the physical side. Please do not be intimidated by the word "schizoid" because this is a type of character accentuation, not a diagnosis. So, people with such a temperament cannot hug, kiss, and if necessary, they take care of the child only from the material side - buy boots, take them to school, feed, etc.
Children of such parents think that they are not loved because they do not hear kind words addressed to them, do not receive affection and care
These children often do not love themselves, because deep inside there is a setting that there is nothing to love, that you cannot love, and therefore they are often unhappy. Letting go of parental attitudes and directives is never too late, and it can be one of the pillars of your happy life.
Parent script
The child adopts the parental script. If the parents worked hard and never appreciated themselves, did not love themselves, then the child will act the same way towards himself. He will form difficult circumstances in his life, choose the wrong men, constantly bump into obstacles, etc.
Such a child will unconsciously complicate his life in order to unconsciously embody the parental scenario “do not love yourself”
These three reasons are the most common and serious ones, and they also require the most efforts to be worked out and eliminated. So now let's take a look at an effective technique for dealing with these causes - a technique for changing attitudes.
It's time to love yourself
What is the technique? You need to emotionally regress into that little girl who was once offended, humiliated, devalued, rejected, not fondled.
After that, remember some situation - for example, you brought your dad a drawing, and he said: "Your drawing is bullshit, you don't know how to draw at all." Did this situation hurt you? Did she hurt you?
Revisit traumatic emotions in your mind, feel them now, and allow yourself to cry or get angry
If you feel very bad at this moment, remember - it's good, because in this way you will let go of the situation and allow your wound to heal. Do this for every situation you remember. Allow yourself to relive a traumatic story from the past.
Hiding emotions deep in yourself, you seem to be gluing crystals to a bleeding wound. The wound won't heal
Now think how you could get that affection, love, care, approval, which you lacked so much?
For example, if your parents are alive and you are ready to open up, tell your mother or father: “I need you to caress me, love me, praise me,” etc. If you are not ready for this or your parents are dead, you have two paths - either you fondle yourself, praise, love, or work it with a therapist who makes you associate with your mom / dad, with whom you feel like with them. In the second case, such a mechanism of protection of the psyche as transference will work, and you will be able to work out all your requests in this area.
