Three Steps To Self-awareness - Self-development

We usually feel good when we have achieved a long-awaited goal. But how do we deal with the moments when we lose, disappoint ourselves or someone important to us, or don't get what we have been going for so long? Self-awareness practice can help us with emotional balance, resistance, and tolerance for our pain

1. Mindfulness

The first step is to accept the current experience as it really is. Not what we think "should" be. And do not get carried away by thoughts of the past, future, or fantasies.

Mindfulness is a powerful antidote to "wrong" conclusions when the thought is triggered that we are defective, hopeless, and somehow defective. With awareness, we do not push away our feelings or disconnect from them.

You could use words to express your feelings, such as "it really hurts" or "I feel it like this right now."

You won't be biased about your feelings or trying to bury them by taking on more office work or pouring a lot of alcohol into yourself. However, you will not allow your condition to overwhelm you and lead you to isolate yourself from friends and loved ones or neglect other important issues in your life. You are not intertwined with your emotions - a part of you will remain in your experience as a compassionate and curious observer (your Wise Self).

2. Similarity

When something painful overtakes us, we can feel lonely, as if no one understands our condition. This can complicate our problem as the feeling of loneliness can be excruciating.

The self-compassionate alternative is to admit that almost everyone felt the same way, even if not under the same circumstances

We are part of the human race and what we experience is not unique. As human beings, we are not perfect, and life is inevitably accompanied by pain.

It does not minimize our situation or feelings, but reminds us of our similarity to and connection with other people. This awareness can be beneficial in itself.

Taking one step further, backed by the recognition that other people can help through shared human experiences, we can visit a support group or seek advice to address our current problem.

3. Self-affection

Instead of berating ourselves for what we believe to be inconsistent with our own expectations or the expectations of others, we need to treat ourselves with love and compassion. Note that this is not a reason to act in ways that are harmful.

We are committed to being friendly and patient with ourselves. Our intention is to ensure the well-being of our soul

And in such a supportive environment, change becomes more possible than if we engage in self-criticism.

Based on article: blogs.psychcentral.com/cultivating-contentment/2018/05/the-3-essential-steps-to-self-compassion/

By Rachel Fintzy Woods, MA, LMFT

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