Postpartum Depression Is Not Depression - Quality Of Life, Society

It's no secret that postpartum depression happens to living people; many women are familiar with it firsthand. The wonderful world of little heels, delicious-smelling tops and gleefully gurgling babies often turns out to be not so wonderful in practice. For many, newly acquired motherhood becomes a serious test of strength. And not everyone's nervous system copes with this test

Hormonal breakdowns

In recent decades, people began to talk about mental problems. Now everyone knows what neurosis and emotional burnout are.

The most educated people also know that depression is the result of a violation of the level of the hormones "joy" - serotonin and norepinephrine

They know that she is being treated with antidepressants, which are designed to restore the lost balance. And this is wonderful, the clouds dispersed in the heads of loved ones allow those who have faced depression to go through it with less losses. Because relatives understand that the sick person is not guilty.

But with postpartum depression, things are a little different. According to various estimates, from 10 to 50% of women face this condition in the first months after giving birth. Can you imagine the scale of the problem? And it would seem that everything is clear with this.

Someone at the genetic level had a predisposition to depression and quietly dormant in the body, and then it started against the background of hormonal changes. For some, this hormonal change itself led to a failure of the basic settings. In a word, the body failed.

For many it happens, for many it passes, it is no longer so shameful to go to a psychiatrist, and now they are not registered. A couple of months of magic pills - and life is no longer so unbearable. Relatives condescendingly forgive the freshly baked mother for the nightly sobs at the head of the crib, husbands are patient, friends are understanding and support. It happens, they say, hormones. Soon everything will pass, and then the notorious happiness of motherhood will finally come and will cover the woman with her head. And if it doesn't, then again, a psychiatrist. He will help and "fix".

Work 24/7

And for some reason, very few eyewitnesses come up with a question - maybe there is another explanation for what is happening? Not as convenient, however, as hormonal disruption. And it sounds very simple: around a woman - m * daki. Sorry for the non-psychological diagnosis.

If you ask such a young mother when was the last time she slept for more than four hours in a row, she wonders. And then he will announce the term, measured in months. Sometimes for years. And these are not single mothers, and their social status allows them to be classified as middle class. And they stay awake for more than four hours.

They are chained to a baby 24 hours, seven days a week, they go to the shower once a week, and they have five minutes to do this, while their “loving” spouse discontentedly asks at the door: “Well, are you there soon?” They wash, clean, do laundry and prepare a three course meal. They regularly hear: "What are you dissatisfied with?" - and feel guilty that they do not feel the intended happiness. They go to the toilet with a baby in their arms. And sometimes they don't go because they can't get up.

As soon as they try to tear themselves away from the baby, he will wake up and cry. And he does not cry only when he sleeps. They eat in fits and starts and only drink iced tea. They single-handedly lower the stroller from the fifth floor and haul it back along with a grocery store and a pack of diapers. In the evenings, when the child falls asleep, they are "doing their marital duty." They do it, and exactly as a duty.

In general, their whole life now is the fulfillment of duty

From the moment of giving birth, they continuously repay debts. To the earning husband who supports her and the baby. A society that believes that a normal mother's children do not scream, dinner is always prepared, and at home there is always perfect order. A baby who needs a mother, unconditional love and physical contact. Parents, for whom she herself has ceased to be a child forever and has become a Mother.

Bring back joy

When I ask how his father participates in a child's life, most often I hear: “No, well, he helps. He can sit with a child so that I go to the shower or when I cook dinner. " And it's all. All!

When these women come to me, they are usually already on antidepressants. Thanks to which they, perhaps, do not want to go out the window, but they also cannot feel happy.

They feel neither pleasure nor love and look into my eyes with hope. They want me to "fix" them. But I cannot fix the objective nightmare that is happening in their lives. I do not have a magic wand that will allow me to sleep for three hours a day and shine with love for all living things.

The demands that society places on a young mother contradict any possibility of happiness. The living conditions in which women find themselves in their own family exclude the joy of motherhood from the list of possible sensations. Needs deprivation and social isolation is not a holiday or happiness, no matter what mothers and girlfriends tell you. And it’s okay to feel unhappy. And often, very often it is not postpartum depression or hormonal imbalance - this is a natural reaction of the normal psyche to abnormal circumstances.

Divide must be fair

Alas, very rarely it is possible to appeal to the mind of the father of the family and convey to him that a child is a common responsibility and common work.

And that we are not talking about “helping”, but about taking on our part of the work, finding helpers and remembering that the role of a mother does not imply that she is no longer a living person.

And then "postpartum depression" suddenly goes away

This does not mean that the problem is far-fetched and that there are no hormonal disruptions. Exists. Postpartum depression is not a fiction, and those who have experienced it need help. But if you create normal conditions in which both parents are responsible for the child and divide it in half, and provide these conditions for everyone, and not just those who “did not cope”, perhaps this diagnosis will be heard much less often.