Table of contents:
- Even if you have unusually wise and tactful parents, you probably met with disgruntled and aggressive retirees in the yard, in a store or on public transport. And of course, you think that you certainly will not become such an "old senile". Well, time will tell …
- Why are they like this?
- 5 tips on how to behave when communicating
- Love while they're alive
- What to talk about?
Video: Such Uncomfortable Old People - How To Talk To Them? - Society
Even if you have unusually wise and tactful parents, you probably met with disgruntled and aggressive retirees in the yard, in a store or on public transport. And of course, you think that you certainly will not become such an "old senile". Well, time will tell …
Why are they like this?
At heart, a man can be a teenager, and a woman is "still a girl", but if the sixtieth birthday is over, officially the age is considered elderly, and after seventy-five - senile.
What happens to yesterday's favorite of the collective and a kind family man, why does he become unbearable for his relatives? Memory problems, weakness, retirement (loss of habitual income), the realization of their own helplessness, uselessness - too many unpleasant changes fall on the elderly.
The more frequent reports of the death of peer friends are also undermining, and more and more frightening thoughts about their own departure from life appear. This is where vulnerability, resentment, anxiety, distrust, mood swings, and irritability come from.
In old age, negative traits are exacerbated:
- a thrifty person becomes greedy,
- gloomy - aggressive
- vulnerable - too touchy.
The elderly often suffer from depression and neurosis, as well as Alzheimer's and Parkinson's.
5 tips on how to behave when communicating
1. Discuss your grievances with your parents. As we grow up, we unknowingly take revenge for lack of attention, bad words, criticism and unfair punishment. Perhaps, hearing the point of view of the mother or father, you calm down or ask each other for forgiveness. At least, it will become easier for you already from what you have spoken.
2. Do not expect to be able to reform your old man. This is not possible at this age. Any changes are perceived with hostility. Take it as it is. The absence of unjustified expectations and senseless struggle will save your nerves.
3. If you do not live under the same roof with your parents, prepare for each meeting. You may be helped by exercising to relieve stress right before your visit. Someone will be reassured by the thought that this is "just a few hours", or the memories of how many nerves our parents spent on us while we were foolish kids. Don't expect this to be the best weekend of your life. Yes, grandmother will grumble, grandfather will mutter something under his breath. They will not be happy that you have lost weight and will try to correct this "mistake". But you dedicate this day to your loved ones. Be patient and thank yourself for your endurance.
4. If a fight breaks out, try to restrain yourself by changing the topic of the conversation by asking an unexpected question. Instead of retaliatory aggression, try to smile and name what worries them now. Their fear and helplessness fight against you. A benevolent tone will reduce their anxiety, and with it, irritation will go away.
5. You do not have to listen to nasty things about yourself and keep up unpleasant conversations. Say that you do not intend to talk about this topic, and henceforth you will hang up (go home, leave the room). Each time, do what you agreed on and you will see the results.
Love while they're alive
Assess your interlocutor and his capabilities. Mom, grandmother or a neighbor … Carefully consider what health problems they have.
- Memory problems? Remind and repeat! And be prepared for the fact that this will not always help.
- Hears poorly? Speak loudly, clearly, clearly, looking into your eyes. Use a magnetic whiteboard if communication is difficult.
- Poor eyesight? Rely more on hearing, touch, hug, speak more expressively.
Elderly people may forget something, get confused and look naive and stupid, but this does not mean that you can speak to them disparagingly, as if you are insane. People deserve respect at any age: don't make fun of every mistake.
Don't dismiss their advice. Often we dismiss the opinion of our elders - they say that they are behind the times, they no longer understand anything. But why argue hotly when you can listen, thank … and do it your own way? Of course, there are different situations, but more often than not your advisor will not have the opportunity to check whether you really did what he told you. And don't forget that older people are still competent in many areas.
They, like children, are in dire need of our love. And not in the one that quietly sits deep in the soul, but in tangible love. How often do you tell your old people that you love them? Praise them? Or do you criticize and ridicule all the time? Try recording lines from one meeting with your parents. How many positive and how many negative messages came out? It is desirable to have 10 positive statements for any dissatisfied phrase.
- "You are very beautiful"
- "I'm proud of you"
- "You are a wonderful dad"
- "You have golden hands"
- "You have the most delicious pies in the world"
- "You are a real craftswoman"
- "Thank you for taking care of us"
- "You are a great man"
- "We are glad that we have you"
- "This blouse suits you very much"
It happens that it is unusual and difficult to say such phrases. At the very least, kiss, hug, or hold your hand.
In order not to degrade, the brain needs new information. Promote an active life for an older person. Offer to have a hobby, meet friends, and go for a walk. Involve grandchildren, great-grandchildren in caring for, donate a pet. Don't try to do all the work for them. Let them do what they are still able to do, and do not feel weak.
Professional help and medication can make life easier for the whole family. Often it is the relatives who are the first to notice that there are problems "with the head", and the patient himself writes off everything to his age. Your job is to ensure that you see a doctor or therapist. Make sure your prescribed medications are taken regularly and as prescribed.
Do not be lazy to teach your relatives how to use a mobile phone and the Internet. Chatting with grandchildren via video link, copying new patterns for knitting and embroidery, learning Spanish - everyone will find a worthy use for their gadgets. Yes, it will take time and patience to learn, but it's worth it.
Warn them about potential fraud. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people around who are ready to profit from the ignorance and helplessness of pensioners. Tell us about popular methods of cheating, explain what to do in such situations.
What to talk about?
It seems that there are no common themes anymore, but parents will always be pleased to hear everything related to your success. They raised their salaries, their grandchildren have good grades, learned how to cook a delicious pie, made repairs, bought boots … But you shouldn't share your problems. Older people are very sensitive to their children's failures. Be careful about the news of the death of relatives or friends.
Old people willingly talk about the past. They may not remember what they ate for breakfast, but they will tell you about their first love in detail. Returning to youth will cheer you up and light a spark in your eyes.