About The Benefits Of Grief And A Little About Life - Quality Of Life, Self-development

Our life does not consist only of white stripes and joyful events. We are not always able to hold onto and preserve what is dear to us - losses and inevitable heavy emotions are part of our life. It is cyclical, something comes into our life, something dies off, goes away as unnecessary, by an absurd accident, by the nature of things. The process of grieving helps us to adapt to the situation of loss

Loss is the price we pay to live

Annie Dillard

At first glance, the term "grief" emanates hopelessness. In fact, grief is a natural process that accompanies any loss, loss, separation, death of a loved one. This is a natural reaction to the loss of an important object, part of your identity or the expected future. And the reaction of grief is the normal response of our psyche to any significant loss.

What is the essence of any loss, loss?

When lost, three things go away:

• the object itself (person, pet, thing, etc.);
• our identity associated with the object (the status of a loved one, mother, son, friend, colleague, etc.);
• loss of the expected future (our plans, images of the future, expectations).

How is mourning beneficial?

There is such a thing as the work of grief.

This is an adaptive natural process of our psyche, a reaction to a traumatic event. Like any process that keeps us mentally active, mourning also has its own goals of maintaining our mental health.

It is very important that these tasks are solved, then we can talk about "normal mourning", but if there is a failure and natural sadness turns into depression, we can talk about "pathological mourning", which only aggravates the traumatic situation.

The work of grief is a mental labor of reworking traumatic events. The task of this work is to remove the emotional energy of connection with the lost object, to transfer it to the present. Emotionally break away from a departed object and return to the present, allow yourself to live. This means not forgetting the person, but keeping bright memories and at the same time the opportunity to build new relationships with the world without the object of loss.

How grief works

• Every loss causes us sorrow and grief.
• Each loss brings to mind all previous losses, and that's okay. This means that if a person has not survived the grief, then any subsequent loss will be more acute for him.
• Each loss, if it is fully experienced and completed, that is, the work of grief has been passed, can become a springboard for renewal and rethinking.

Basic tasks of grief

• Accept the reality of loss of mind and senses.
• To survive the pain of loss, the stage of reaction (tears, screams, emotions).
• Find a new place in the world where there is already acceptance of the fact of loss. Reorganization of the environment.
• To be involved in a new aspect of life, to accept that life goes on, to transform the emotional connection so that it does not interfere with living a quality life.

Very often, difficulties arise when implementing the second task - responding. A person is busy working with the consequences of what happened, and he is not up to emotions. Emotions are often held back, we hear “pull yourself together, control yourself,” etc.

Often, we ourselves find it difficult to look at the tears of a loved one, but this is an important stage in working through the loss. Unlived pain and unexpressed emotions do not go anywhere - they are contained within us, leading to psychosomatic diseases, neuroses and other problem areas.

The main obstacle in the normal course of grief work is the unconscious desire to avoid intense suffering and the prohibition of strong emotions. Heartache gives us a resource, energy to start the work of grief.

How can we help a person in the early stages of mourning?

• 1. Give an opportunity to express your emotions, to speak out, to cry. Don't try to calm down on purpose. Sedatives at this stage can inhibit the start of grief work.
• 2. Informational and psychological support. A person must understand what is happening to him. To understand that everything that he experiences is the norm in this situation. Create conditions for a calm discussion of what happened.
• 3. Maintain tactile contact, you can hold hands, hug, stroke. At this stage, an unconscious regression into childhood occurs, contact gives a feeling of security and comfort.
• 4. Rituals, that is, certain actions that give a person the opportunity to say goodbye. There are many cultural traditions, and you can also create your own farewell ritual.
• 5. Support group - an environment that can support, listen, understand, possibly people in a similar situation.

Competently completed work of grief not only helps to maintain the safety of the psyche after traumatic events, but also to become the starting point for accurate self-awareness and growth